hi i am a 17 year old male i work have 3 brothers one is a twin and have a great mate
most of the time i am a friendly person but i have this side to me that i am worried about.
my head is pretty messed up when i am at work or have some spare time i daydream about killing people i think about going into a hospital and disguising my self as a doctor and grabbing a syringe and putting a dangerous chemical in it and injecting it into people and thinking of ways to cover my tracks. i have really weird mood swings like i will be happy and laughing then if someone says something that annoys me i will be enraged with anger and wanting to hurt and kill people but i normally keep my cool but i am worried one day i will lose it. i cant concentrate at work because all i do is worry about things and thinking of killing people. i forget things and will not get any sleep and lose interest in food but i never show any of this when people are around its always bottled up inside me. and i am worried i might be developing a mental illness i am sure i'm not alone with these crazy thoughts.
You need to get this checked asap, it is definitely a mental illness of some kind, from what you described there are some symptoms of depression there but the thoughts of harming others sounds like a different type of diagnosis altogether. If you really are worried about someday losing your cool and doing something to harm someone you need to get checked out sooner rather than later.
I am also self harming when something stresses me by cutting my leg I have also tried to brake my foot with a weight and have taken and overdose of paramax tablets. I also think I have social anxiety as I really hate confrontation and if someone watches what I am doing I get really nervous I hate talking to new people as I find it difficult to speak and I hate when I have a family get together I feel really worried that I will make a foul of my self
Teen aged years have got to be the hardest for all of us. Fortunately, people are more apt to accept treatment as an option these days for some of the things that you're describing. Are you able to talk to your mom or dad, or both about how you're feeling. and let them know that you think you need therapy? and that you'd be willing to go? Because i really, really think you need it dear. Might as well get working on this, it's not going to go away by itself i don't think. Is there trouble at home (that could be the cause of your anger)?
Thanks for posting here.. I appreciate your honesty and bravery for doing so.
Before you do something stupid, go to one of the prison sites and write a convict and ask what it's like to be locked up 24/7 for the rest of your life, with prison gangs beating you up for your desert and commissary, no rights, sexual assaults, nobody to go to, no air-conditioning, limited toilet paper, constant noise, rancid bologna for lunch, mail censored, and getting locked in the hole on bread loaf for a month for making a complaint.
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