Anger Management Community
anger, and paranoia.
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anger, and paranoia.

I have an issue with my anger, I get very short with things and often get very paranoid and when an argument or something comes from it than I cant stop thinking about it all day. It consumes me, I have bad anxiety as well and a lot of it I hear you have to face it to break it and I do, but it is still there, in my dreams, in my mind inside me. I also get very paranoid and have a tendency to freak out about little things and I think of every outcome and they just tear me apart. I also have many outlets and no matter what im doing all this is still there, I freak out and cant control it. I realize im just trying to find a distraction to get past whatever is bothering me, or with my anxiety and anger and in turn not thinking about it In the back of my mind I think it even more! it just is a cycle and it gets bad.I try and try to deal with it, and go on and put myself out there but it just does not work. i feel right now im not even explaining it right its just difficult any ideas as to what it could be please help.
Avatar_m_tn
Where to start?  First off, I'd recommend seeing a professional mental health expert if you are not doing so at the current time.  The way to get on board with a good therapist is by talking with your primary care physician.  He/She knows you best and can often direct you to a person best equipped to assist you with your problems.

Now, I'm a person who's been dealing with depression and anxiety for almost my entire life (45 years old).  I was misdiagnosed with "anger issues".  2 different therapists told me that my depression and anxiety manifest themselves as anger, and that anger is a pretty general male stereotype in the fact that males "rush" to anger before other emotions.  I've been told that it is a primal reaction and is used for protection.  When the therapists told me that I did not have 'anger issues" I finally felt understood.  (This may or may not be the case with you and that's why a proper diagnosis and program are so beneficial.)

Part of what you'll learn to do is mentally dissect every issue that you face.  Even the little things... on some level you are doing that now, but it seems as if you aren't coming across the positives that could be happening.  You concentrate on the negatives and that is what's spinning you out.  (I totally get that... I was that guy!  I used to believe that nothing good was coming of anything.... everything was a worst case scenario... that is so pitiful and is so, so wrong.)

Take any issue... say a finals exam.  You are a bit apprehensive about this one particular exam.  You've felt you studied, but you rest assured you are doomed.... You don't particularly like the teacher, the class and some of the people in the class.  You've never really done well in the class, so you just know there's nothing you can do.  You're going to bomb the exam.  By dissecting this, you look at the root of the problem.  The root isn't necessarily the teacher, not necessarily the people around you, maybe not even the test.  Perhaps it is your self confidence in this particular case.  When you dissect this, you look at the test.  You realize that you studied, and studied hard.  You look to make sure that you did all you can do to guarantee your success.  Then you take the test with the confidence that you are prepared.  

By trying to blame the teacher, blaming the people around you, you are not addressing the problem.  The problem is the test and your preparedness.... does that make sense?  (Pretty lame analogy, but maybe you can grab the point I was reaching at.)  When you blame the teacher or the class or whatever, you are "deflecting".  That comes from not breaking down (dissecting) the problem at hand.  The problem is the test.

This stuff is practical every where for every situation that can bring you stress.  Now when you realized that you are as prepared as you can be, its you versus the test.  You might still bomb it... and that *****, but you might come out with a better grade than you imagined.  

You have to start noting the positives, and there are plenty around you.  For a while, I couldn't see them.  Literally nothing seemed positive.  I did a weird exercise once with my therapist... it went like this.

We were addressing my negativity.  (It was anxiety.)  She mentioned looking at the positives, and me being the old negative me said, "what positives?".  She said, "look, you woke up!"  I then replied, "so what".  She said, "isn't waking up good?"  I said, "I doubt it."  (See the depression and how it feeds anxiety?"  She asked me what I enjoy... 'do you like birds chirping, do you enjoy the sunshine, do you enjoy a good breakfast?"  I looked at those things and thought, "well, yeah... who doesn't like those things?"  She said, "there's 3 positives right there... you heard the birds, got some sun and had a good breakfast."

Quite simply with just that said, I started focusing on positives rather than the negatives and I quit worrying so much about the hypothetical things that may or may not happen.  If the worst case scenario does not happen, that in and of itself is a positive.  

Also, keep in mind... we can only control us.  You cannot control what other people think or do, nor can they with you.  You get to decide what to think about things and what to do about those things.  That is dissecting.

I feel as if I am ranting so I'll close with this.  Seek a pro if you're not currently visiting one.  There is help out there and you've taken the right step by bringing it out in the open... (there's a positive, and realizing that there is help available is another!)  I wish you good luck!
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