angry husband

[stillhisgirl]

I've been married for 2 yrs.  I have adored my husband from the moment I met him.  I don't remember the first time I made him mad enough that he lost his temper but I remember that it shocked me.  Then it became more frequent.  He began insulting me, calling me horrible names when is angry.  Once I didn't turn a lamp off fast enough so he ripped the plug out of the wall and threw it in my general direction.  The shade hit my cheek - but he was able to say that he wasn't throwing it AT me . . .he has grabbed and forcefully moved me out is way, thrown stuff on the floor in anger, and gets really loud and intentionally tries to embarrass me during arguments so I will give in.  But tonight tops them all.  Our bathroom counter was messy - very - and he got angry and threw a couple of my really nice candles in the garbage.  We were having a good night, getting dressed to go out.  I calmly asked him not to ruin the evening, but he kept escalating, and becoming more and more agitated and insulting.  Then - stupidly I picked up some of his clothes from the floor and put them in the garbage - BAD IDEA - HE LOST HIS FREAKING MIND!!!  He began raking everything off of the bathroom counter into the garbage can, when he got to my make up mirror, he ripped the cord out and then busted it with his fist.  Of course he cut himself.  He then began slapping my legs with his towel - hard, it was leaving welts.  He was backing me into my closet.  I really wasn't scared he would hit me I was just scared of what else he might break.  Once he stepped out of the bathroom I closed the door and locked it.  Begging him to calm down and take care of his hand, but he was yelling and calling me horrible, horrible names threatening to bust through the door to get his wallet.  So I opened it.  He proceeded to get a bag and pack his things and leave saying that he didn't want to be married to me any more that I made him a worse person.  He's gone right now - he texted and said that he would call me tomorrow.
I called my 20 yr old step son because I was so worried about his dad - he came over.  We talked for a bit and he told me that he used to do this when he was married to his mom but had sought anger management and hadn't done it in years so he didn't feel like he should mention it to me.  His dad slapped his mom once many years ago during a very heated argument, but other than that it was pretty much exactly what happened tonight with me.
So . . .my question is . . .is there hope???  If he has controlled it for this many years Do I give him another chance?

[margypops]

This is what I will tell you, he has to get help, you talk to him and tell him to get another chance he goes for anger counselling, it doesnt go away, it will continue him just being sorry isnt enough, he needs help, if you keep forgiving he wont change ,ever, in fact the behavior will probablt escalate ...Take control of your life, dont have any children till its fixed as they will be subjected to the violence and it will affect them all their life .My real answer to you is that he wont change, I really want to say dont have him back, but that is your choice. Good Luck

[caregiver222]

This is symptomatic of chronic brain syndrome, and it will only get worse. It often confines itself to extreme psychological verbal abuse and childish displays such as dumping the food on the floor when it "isn't prepared right". Counseling will not help. There is usually an organic factor associated with abnormality in the brain. With age, the number of incidents generally increase. It's what a psychiatrist friend of mine calls "the package". My advice is life is too short to be a punching bag.

[allmymarbles]

I have to go along with caregiver222. He is already leaving welts on your legs. What will he do next? Just because his violence was limited in the past does not mean that he will not become more violent in the future. I am wondering if he left so suddenly because he thought he might hurt you. If so, that is a big warning.