angry with kids

[kiylen]

Sometimes, or most of the time I have a really stressful day but it doesn't matter who I talk to, I never take it out on them.  It's always my 11 and 14 year olds.  I feel so guilty because they are so defenseless and I would give my life for them but I can't stop my impatience with always expecting them to act like adults.  Does anyone else go through this?  Any suggestions?

[margypops]

I am sure a lot of parents get frustrated,it is best to take your self away when you feel real anger, you know it will pass all you are doing is venting on the children for frustrations you have , they as you say are defenceless, why would you expect an 11 year old and even a 14 year old to behave like an adult. If the anger seems a lot it may be good to get some counselling help to deal with it, perhaps you need some time for your self, is there a Dad around that could take them out do some sports games etc Is everything okay there do you and your DH get enough time to go out.

[kiylen]

You are right about me not expecting them to act like adults and I know that's what a lot of my problem is.  I just can't relate to their behavior sometimes since I never really got a childhood and of course, no their dad is no where to be found.  I am in counseling but just started.  Got a lot of other things going on...Grandmother that raised me just went in nursing home, other Grandmother next door has alzheimers, Mother had a stroke several years ago and has been in nursing home but is now in ICU not expected to make it.  Just a lot on me but you are so right about talking this out with my counselor.  She can see things from the outside like you do.  I do not EVER physically abuse my children I just find myself constantly yelling and then trying to apologize or make up for it but the damage is done.  I don't have family to really help but it's hard to take a break too when my youngest has ADHD and constantly wants attention or is flying around the house.  I really thank you for responding and please just pray for us.  I think I'm going to start including them in family counseling too.

[margypops]

Thats a good idea Family counselling I can tell by your post you care about them you wouldnt be here asking us would you if you didnt, Teens are notoriously cheeky' if you can somehow get up a sense of humor ,when they are rude walk away, tell them you will not listen or speak to them when they are like that.Mean it and when they want something tell them no, Is the child on meds with the ADHD sometimes that can have side effects and make them act out.  If he gets out of hand ask the Doctor if he needs a change or the dosage adjusting.  You do have a lot going on and its all stressful,try to take some breaks for your self and hey , you have us now, come and chat anytime it gets on top of you ,you can Pm anyone theres always someone around ..Good luck

[kiylen]

The youngest one has been tried on a few medications but they all seem to make him worse.  I think church, talking to him softly, explaining things to him and remembering he has feelings too, is helping a lot.  I'm learning a few different ways to calm him down and so far the medication has not affected his school one way or the other.  Both of my boys are A honor roll kids and it's strange, the youngest one only shows symptoms of ADHD with me.  But I did find out from the school counselor I sent him to that he doesn't understand why I won't "find" him a dad.  We're gonna have a heart-to-heart about that tonight.  Do you have kids and how old are they?  Because you seem to really know a lot of good advice.

[margypops]

My children are grown now I have worked with children a lot of my working life , yes I do know a lot however more importantly I really have an affinity with them, I try to understand how they feel and what it is like from their perpsective , I walk in their shoes.,