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deep depression
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deep depression

Need someone to talk to. I have nobody I can relate to right now. I am going thru a divorce and been seperated for over years and have 3 boys. My oldest is 25 and has severe anxiety and agoraphobia and deppression. I also do have depression have for many yrs its alot worse now, I am living with my parents again for the fourth time. I hate it here even tho they have been nice but cant really talk to them. My middle son has been on drugs for yrs and now is drinking also. I dont have my boys they live with my husband which is even harder on me. My son has been in and out of dt many times and in and out of court and cost me and husband thousands of dollars. My sons are 25 17 and 15. I have been married for almost 28 yrs and my husband has abused me since before we got married and did throughout our marriage,physical and mentally and my two older sons have too. They have broken my bones i have been thru surgeries in the past. Then I have had 2 boyfriends since i have been seperated and they both hurt me badly. The boyfriend had not too long after i left my husband was very nice but was lazy and lied to me and very irresponsible didnt know that i wanted to marry him loved him very much or thought I did at the time. I was hysterical when he left me,didnt know he was going to he left out of state with all his bills in the apt we had together and in my car. I found them all after he left me I was devastated.He was so different from my husband thats why I fell for him so hard and I didnt want to meet a man and was happy at the time living by myself and he came along and was so happy and we were only together for 8 months when he left. He knew all the abuse I went thru and he ended up hurting me so bad and i told him I never ever wanted to live at my parents house again,thats where i ended up. All this time looking for a job even when I was with my husband couldnt get one. I havent been able to because of domestic violence charges against me which I never deserved. Then now i am living back at my parents now again because of another man i trusted and he was abusive to me like my husband was and left me too and left the state like my last boyfriend.I am just too trusting and stupid and too nice with men.I have new charges against me now with this last jerk that i didnt deserve like with my husband,I know this sounds bad like a pattern but if u really knew me and talked to me u would understand,there is too much to say that cant be done typed. It would take me hours to type.I just want to find some friends,I have nobody to talk to I have sisters but they dont want to hear my crap and are busy.I have no friends at all just neighbors here that are my parents age and i sit in the house all day and do nothing because right now I have a broken ankle and i just a cast off my arm from a broken elbow. I want to find a job and have tried to volunteer with several places they wont let me with my charges and why I have cant find a job with background checks now. I am broke I have no money for gas for my car and its old and needs tires. I have no money for anything,my parents feed me and let me live here but I cant have a social life or do anything with no money or a job.
6 Comments Post a Comment
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3149845_tn?1415046551
Hi and welcome and really sorry how your feeling.  One thing ive learned about life is that if we use our current situation in dealing with our future, it will be a detrimint. Just put your past where it belongs which is behind you and continue to seek employment or start your own company.
I know this might sound strange but you can create your own business with no costs involved. Internet companies are always looking for new products. If you have an idea we can talk about it. I started a forum here called 'success', if you want to join we can throw things around,
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Avatar_n_tn
You took a lot of time to type everything that you're feeling. Let me first say that that is the first step. Get off your chest right down my journal read it repeat write it bring back some of the feelings o bring back some of the feelings of hatred I have to remember God has set me free.  Can u imigian if u kept all that bottled up... great job . Hope you can keep it up !
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Avatar_n_tn
You took a lot of time to type everything that you're feeling. Let me first say that that is the first step. Get off your chest right down my journal read it repeat write it bring back some of the feelings o bring back some of the feelings of hatred I have to remember God has set me free.  Can u imigian if u kept all that bottled up... great job . Hope you can keep it up !
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Avatar_n_tn
Because you were hurt so badly, you are spiraling in a pattern of abuse, lies and discontent. Take some time out for yourself. Take a walk of you can,sit outside and stare into the sky. Reminisce on sweet times you shared with your children and family and allow yourself yo forgive everyone who has hurt you. people will only do as much as you  will tolerate, so its good to state what you are willing to put up with and what you won't based on what you already experienced. Write down a list of things you want for your life going forward and work towards it including in your relationships. Your relationships will grow with your self esteem. Once you understand that your past experiences only develops your character and not your relationships. Do not look forward to being abused, don't fear it, question it, or consider it and if someone begin to exhibit the first signs of abuse.. Which you can actually google and find pretty good information, let them go..
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Avatar_f_tn
I agree with "life360" I mean, it can't get any worse, can it?
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3060903_tn?1398568723
Listen, the past is the past, and you need to let it go. Some go to God to help.ie. Let go and Let God. Maybe joining a church group would help? You would find there folks who know how easy it is to go in the wrong direction, and acceptance that you want to go in another direction. In my opinion, you really need to talk to a therapist , or a spiritual counselor, about how to regain your self esteem going forward.
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jemma116
United Kingdom