has anybody had an experience somewhat like this?

Many years ago I had a nervous breakdown.  I became a Christian shortly after that.  I read one of Eugenia Price's (I think that was her name) books in which she said to turn your subconscious mind over to the Lord for him to clean it up.  I sincerely did this as I thought that was an easy thing to do.  Shortly after that it was like my mind exploded and all kinds of filthy stuff started coming into my mind.  Words that I had never said, terrible words about God and others, sexual words.  It was horrible.  Nothing seemed to stop this.  I wouldn't actually act on any of this but it was in my mind.  What I thought at the time was it was anger that was deep seated in my mind.  I was in depression and it can be caused by repressed anger.   It has taken over 30 years for this to go away but even yet it still comes at times.  I am so tired of this.  Has anybody out there ever had a similar thing happen.  Thank you .  

[Nighthawk61]

I just wanted to check in and say Hi, and tell you that I read your post and am praying for you find resolution. Whenever I have unsettling thoughts, that are not in any way relative to who i am, i always tell myself that the devil is trying to muck with me, and to go away. It's very unsettling when we have thoughts that are to foreign by their nature, and so I really feel for you, and am praying for you to be relieved of this burden. God Bless you and keep you safe!! Liz

[Life360]

Hi and welcome. I had a similar experience. I had a girl who i loved just up and walk out on me and was very confused. Someone told me about a new therapy called Rolfing and tried it. When the feeling started coming out i started screaming into the air. It really felt good and got me through the feelings and realized it was a combination of repressed feeling that came out. You might want to find a Rolfing clinic in your area as is quite a technique.

You lean over a bench similar to a massage table but has a indented middle, the therapist pushes down in the middle of your back little by little and gets to a point that has never bend before. The theory is that we hold in feeling and causes us to walk with our backs straight, the bending in the middle, along with some neck pushes, forces the feeling to the surface. Pretty unbelieveable treatment.

[Applecore]

Thank you for answering me.  I will research this.  I have tried therapy and that helped but it is time for this to just leave.  How long did it take for this to help you.  Was it expensive?   I looked at your pictures.  They are beautiful by the way.   Are you a Pastor?  I have been associate Pastor with my brother for the last 8 years, just recently not having our services on Sunday and now am going with my husband to another church.  We still meet in my home on Thurs.    I just talked to my sister who told me she has held of this and has a friend who is a therapist and she believes she uses this rolfing.  She is going to ask her about it for me.  Thank you again for answering this most difficult question for me to ask.  

[Life360]

Hi sorry the late reply but have been out, The rolfing was 30 years ago so dont remember the price but it only took one treatment to work. Im not a pastor but am ordained into a nonsecular organization. .
We hold in many things that were not even aware of, some from our very early youth.
I had one pop up the other day that has haunted me and im sure affected my lifes direction unknowingly,
I think i was around 8 years old and had a white dog and it developed a rash and instead of my parents taking it to the doctor we drove to the woods and they just pushed it out of the car and never saw skippy again. Horrible now that i look back at that incident.
Our lives are full of this crap that we can remember and just builds up. Its sad that we only learn from other people and its not God sitting here in person teaching. Even the notion of God is taught by people
thanks for the photo compliment
dave

[Nighthawk61]

I just wanted to check in and say Hi, and tell you that I read your post and am praying for you find resolution. Whenever I have unsettling thoughts, that are not in any way relative to who i am, i always tell myself that the devil is trying to muck with me, and to go away. It's very unsettling when we have thoughts that are to foreign by their nature, and so I really feel for you, and am praying for you to be relieved of this burden. God Bless you and keep you safe!! Liz

[Applecore]

Thank you for your wonderful comments. The Lord has led me through so many things during this time.  He has helped me to live a good life during this trial.  I think I know why this happened, several causes, I wasn't dealing with the anger in my life period and I didn't know that I had thyroid problems.  I have dealt with some of the repressed anger over the years and certainly have been dealing with the thyroid issue which still isn't resolved.  The funny thing is that as long as I was dealing with the anger, I think I was still retaining it as things were not changed but here is the catch, when my situation finally did change and it is now becoming what I have always wanted, the anger and repressed feelings and thoughts have resurfaced and now I don't know what to do with them as I can't take them out and don't want to on the person I was angry at.  I know that the Lord says to forget that which is behind and move on.  That is my desire but...
I think at least I am seeing what the problem is and as the Lord leads will find a way to release it totally to Him.  How much my thyroid is involved in all this is yet to be seen.  Certainly the anxiety and depression got better as my thyroid gets stabile.  I think I have some anxiety now and I don't know what is causing that, has my thyroid gone too low now with the increased meds or am I anxious because of my situation.  Thank you again for your prayers and encouragement.