how do ihelp my 7 year old deal with her anger

[anadeas]

I have a 7 year old who has very bad temper tantrums (these started when she was about 5 years old) we do not spoil her and i usually send her to her room to calm down.  She will scream and shout and curse slam doors and sometimes throw things.  these episodes are usualy sparked off by her not getting her own way or when she is checked for bad behaviour,  I have a younger son who is 5 and she can be realy rude to him sometimes this realy bothers me as i dont want her to grow up like this it is making everyone in the house unhappy including her.  I feel like i am at the end of my rope, I have tried everything including (im ashamed to say smacking and shouting at her. ) has anyone got any advice ?  sometimes i think she might need to see someone professional but who? I feel so guilty because sometimes i feel like i realy dislike this little girl,  She can be a  realy lovley child and has such nice ways about her she is exceptionaly well behaved at school but with us she can be very difficult to manange.  I LOVE her very much but i am scared i am making a mess of raising her any advice would be really welcome.

I am 8 months pregnant and am worried about how i will cope with these  tantrums when the new baby comes along

[mtgoat911]

before you rush off to a doctor try to work on this yourself,

this will build trust with your relationship with your child, and your child will probably feel better talking to you about her problems than a stranger,

it will take some time but the child should be taught how to modify her reactions when she becomes angry

anger is a sort of transformation of pain, anxiety or pain........

there has also been several studies that show daycare is producing a mass generation of angry kids, so if a daycare center is involved you could look into a  nanny or family member to help with childcare

behavior is also learned, when you feel angry try to control it, atleast around your child,

if the child is angry and the parent looses control the situation gets so chaotic that the anger can take over a home for days,

the hitting and yelling causes more anger, stop that now,

i used to yell at my kids alot, i decided to hang posters all around the house that said things like "no cuss zone"  "tollerance"  "love" "kindness",

if you come from anger everything you touch will turn to black,

i also suggest reading a daily medition for anger or moms, you can find these at the book store,

after reading a short thought for the day, try to keep that positive information with you through out the day,

before getting out of bed ask God, or the power within yourself to keep you from being angry at your child, do not get out of bed until you feel connected to the power that can control your anger

before anger can be treated we have to find out what the cause is, i would just ask her why she is so angry, ask her if she is feels love, when my son is angry and i ask him "do you feel loved right now" he always says no, then we can have a meaningful conversation, where love in the main focus,

love is an emotion more powerful that angry,

if one of my children start showing signs of a tantrum or melt down, i send them to their room and let them know i will talk to them after the gain some control over their emotions, i am not an audience for anyones drama, do not give your child attention, positive or negative when they start throwing tantrums,

i have 2 boys that get angry with eachother a few times a day, we have a chart in the kitchen, a reward system, if they are loving towards eachother they earn sticks which can add up to equal prizes, if they yell, hit or argue with their brother they loose a stick, i know that rewards systems are under scrutiny right now in the parenting community but this system wirks for us so we continue to use it and have been using it for almost a decade

these are suggestions that i know will work if you make the effort to do them

emotions annonomous has great liturature on handling anger, you can order those books from their website, i also post daily meditations for handling extreme emotions on the step forum i created, today just happens to be on
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Step-forum/ea-meditation/show/1069647

i really hope this help, i also wanted to let you know that every parent has issues with controling anger, you are not alone, i feel overwhelmed all the time, parenting is a tough job but you can do it!!!!

[anadeas]

Hi
Thanks for the reply it has give me some stuff to think about,  and i really appricate it.  I know you are right and about me not getting angry when things kick off ,and most of the time i do regain control but at 8 months pregnant the hormones are NOT helping and sometimes i just get so upset...  but im working on it. I am a stay at  home mom so being with them all day doesnt help as i know they could do with a break from me as much as i could from them. I will try the medetation and have bought some angel medetation cards for my daughter in the hope that they might help a little.  
Being a mom is really hard sometimes so Thanks again for the reply.