i cant deal with mixed feelings.

[charlie460]

I experienced a horrid problem with a male teacher ages ago. It was no ones fault really. But my parents think otherwise. it's never been soughted out. since the problem, i've been picking on him, and making him scared of me.Sometimes i really want to hurt him, other times, i really want to be with him and act nice to him. I feel as if i'm evil. Also, the fact that everyone else likes this teacher is annoying the hell out of me. i want hurt everyone who likes him.  iwant to ruin him. These mixed feelings are upsetting me- are they normal? what should i do about them? why do i get them?

[kiylen]

I may have misunderstood, but if this happened years ago, how are you still in contact with this teacher.  Are you in college?  If you don't mind me asking, what was the horrid problem because it could explain some of the behavior.  I have been through a love/hate experience with a guy just recently.  I wanted to be with him but he was hot then cold, on then off, I could not stand it.  I was mad he couldn't be what I wanted him to be and he never will be.  I also wanted people to not like him because I didn't like him and would be offended because everyone was supposed to be on my side.  In what way do you mean you want to hurt him.  I hope you don't mean physically.  Honey, you are going to end up hurting yourself more than you will ever hurt this guy.  Unfortunately, that's how it goes.  I've learned that silence hurts worse than anything.  When they begin to think you don't care at all about them, that's what gets their attention more than desparate anger or wanting attention.  Calm down some and think this through.  

[margypops]

I think your feelings are normal but you obvously need to talk it through, so is there any form of counselling you can go to. You dont say what it is he did to you, what the issue was.,if he is scared of you that sounds like it was something quite serious, I am also assuming you are a minor, can you tell us more .?

[kiylen]

I see that your profile says your 16.  If so, that's illegal if he is harassing you in any way.  Do you trust your parents, a pastor, or someone enough that you can talk face to face?  This guy has really done something for you to have so much hate built up in your heart.  Please, please pray about this.  I don't know what your beliefs are, but like I tell others sometimes, it doesn't hurt anything to talk to Jesus.  You might be surprised at some unexpected changes or answers in your life.  Don't let this cycle continue.  If you are reaching out, then keep doing so.  But you may have to go further than here.  Would you be willing to tell us what happened?