mom of a four year old with really bad behavor

[lilmommy1989]

My son is four years old and very smart. Up until about 8 months ago he was lovable and really into doing things with other kids and me. His biological dad left when he was 3 months old so it has been just me and him up until he was two and i meant my boyfriend who has been his father since. His real dad has a bad temper and i am wondering if he have gotten it from him. I have noticed a difference in my child. He doesnt seem to want to do things with other kids and is mean to them. If they make him mad he will hit them. When he wants something he doesnt ask for it he growls and yells at me like I knew he wanted it. He never asks for anything he tells me what to do. And when I tell him i am not giving it to him until he asks for it he growls at me. I thought this was a phase but its been like 6 months he has been doing it. When he gets mad he throws things and comes up to me and grabs my arm and tries clawing it. It makes me want to cry because he isnt the same lovable kid that would come sit on my lap and watch a movie or to cuddle. He throws anything in site. He has alot of anger towards my brother who has cp.
I have no idea why but he always feels the need to yell at my brother and act like he is going to hit him. We cant even take him many places anymore. He is mean to people who try to be nice to him. When they ask him his name is replies with a growl. He even growls at the doctors. I need help. please help me.

[margypops]

My first thought is that he has learned this behavior, where would you think he has seen and could be copying? Especially as he didnt used to be like this what has happened in those 8 months ? take a good look at anything or anyone may come to mind. Does he get hit for any reason any new family in his life babysitters , someone he didnt know before.,has he just started to yell at your brother,

[kiylen]

Does he have a good relationship with your boyfriend?  I'm definitely not accusing him of mistreating him, just asking.  Sometimes this is where, if you believe in these things, a pediatrician, child psychologist, counselor, someone like that might could provide some deeper inside because I'm sure they've seen these examples before.  I know it's frustrating.  My eleven year-old was a "mama's boy" until a few months ago he has become angry at me for no reason.  He demands, not asks for things, he physically will push me and I don't get violent with him but I let him know who is still running things in this house and it's not going to be him.  I empathize with your frustrations.  One of the things my son told his school counselor was he was mad because I made his daddy leave.  His dad has never even really been in his life.  He also throws things and some of his reactions I've noticed have come from his older brother even though they are different in a lot of ways.  Margypops is right about copying behavior.  Listen to her.  She's definitely helped me a lot.  Please keep us up to date.  We're here for you.

[lilmommy1989]

my son said the same thing when me and his daddy broke up. i guess this is when he started. When i wouldnt let my boyfriend/his dad around until we fiqured things out my son started to act like this. Then when we got back together he was fine for a few months and now acting like it again. its wierd. it wasnt a long period of time. I just didnt want my son to pick up on the stress and tension between us.

[lilmommy1989]

sorry lol put my own name in there. that message to myself was to you

[lilmommy1989]

Hi margypops! i really thought about the ?s you asked. I dont ever really spank him or anyone really. i am the only one who spanks him which is almost never and i am starting to wonder if maybe i didnt do it enough when he really needed it. My thing is i feel bad for spanking him so i kinda avoid it and take certain toys away. Him and my boyfriend who has been raising him with me is very good with him. they have a wonderful bond. but we just cant seem to control him or get on his level to fiqure out what might be the problem. i just hurt feeling disconnected from my son. i had a daughter 6 weeks ago. i thought he would be jealous but he is really into her and loved being around her. he doesnt show signs of jealously towards her. he is always kissing her head and playing with her hands. I didnt think of the copying that could very likely be. his little cousin who is 6 months younger is very very very bad! i cant even babysit him because my son just acts like him. but he has moved out prob about 4 months ago. he isnt as bad as his cousin but enough to make me worry. its very confusing for me. i am 20 and i had him at 16. i wasnt the kinda young mom out running around doing drugs and drinking alot. i grew up and was at home with my son taking care of him24.7 and still got a diploma. i am going to school to be a rn. i am really trying to be the best parent i can be no matter the age i became a parent. and whats going on with him makes me really feel that i am failing at my job as a mother to him. The way he is acting really does make it look like its me. and i am scared that if i go to a specialist that they will blame me and yet i barely ever spank him i just take away toys or wont let him play a game. i only let him watch cartoons and play games for his age.