To day I feel like my bf is very deserving of the cold shoulder an a slap the he's getting in my nerves sumin awful the day it's little things like running down to the garage 10 mins after gettin up an staying down still late afternoon then only seeing him for dinner. Which I dnt normally care about but add the fact tv had been **** all day an his little comments about me not having my driving licence that he Said in front of his mum who I dnt think likes me anyway or at thinks I'm no good enough for him an thyr family bt anyway the way he said it was like cos I dnt drive I hold him bk from jobs he'd like an iv asked him bout it b4 an he says I dnt n it's not an issue well if its nit why bring it up every so often it sometimes gets to the point were I jus wana leave him an now I'm pregnant it wud kill him even more an iv tried to talk to my mate bt she was Getting on my nerves to I just need to rant an nit have her **** either I feel like jus goin to bed as I have been sitting in a mood all day by myself an him sitting by me now it's winding me cos he's putting crap in tv like fast 5 which we have watched countless times now
Hm. Well, certainly you know that the cold shoulder and slapping aren't effective ways of resolving a conflict. You sound very stressed and yes, agitated. Doesn't take much to set you off. Maybe you need some alone time.
This is absolutely absolutely essential to realize as your problem before you have a baby as guess who will irritate you to no end . . . the baby. And then the toddler years come when it is REALLY hard under the best of circumstances. My patience was tested time and time again with my kids. This worries me that you are this easily agitated before the baby. True, hormones may play a role but this is something for you to really work on hard as I fear you'll be a snappy mom that causes internal/emotional damage to your future kids.
Could you see a therapist for anger management? Do you suffer anxiety by the way?
No jus under a bit of stress right now an no I'm not this normally iv been round kids an looking after then for years so for u to worry is not an especially bout sum1 u dnt no is ridiculous can I not have a rant with out goin into full details in here without pple judging me I'm pregnant grankie bt all the patients in the world for kids been a carer u need to b a tolerant person!!!!
Your posts are a little hard to read, with the "text style" abbreviations. Maybe I'm just old (lol), but I sure do appreciate it when I don't need a decoder ring to decipher a post (that was a joke, btw). ;0)
SM gave you very good advice, and your reaction kind of solidified what she said about you getting easily upset and agitated. Of course you can rant away, but these forums are also a place where people turn to for some input and ideas. There's always room for improvement in our lives and the way we handle situations and relationships. I don't think you should be shocked or offended that someone has reached out to you with some words of advice...in the attempts to help you. There's nothing personal about that, even if everything being said isn't exactly what you would prefer to hear.
You posted this on an anger management community, which could lead one to question whether anger is a frequent reaction for you. Like sm said, you're soon to be bringing a baby into this world, and while they're wonderful and such a blessing, they are SUPER stressful. And while you may have experience working with children, it's VERY different when you have your own. Patience is a MUST. If you're very quickly and easily agitated by the little things you describe that your BF is doing here, then you may get easily agitated with the stress of the baby.
The key to any successful relationship is communication. It very well could be that you and your BF just need to communicate better what your needs are. You've expressed that you didn't like that he didn't spend time with you all day versus being in the garage, what was he doing in the garage? Working on something? Did you go down and attempt to spend time with HIM while he was working on a project? Or did you just wait and stew for him to come to you? Sometimes, just a little give and take goes a long way. You state that he harps on you about your drivers' license.
That's a pretty legit concern...especially because you're going to have a baby soon. You will need to take the baby to doctor's appointments, go on diaper runs, etc. Do you work? Perhaps you have too much idle time at home, which is causing boredom and resentment, when your BF isn't giving you his undivided attention? If you don't have a job, you could get one, even something PT. That would actually help greatly to give you a sense of purpose, and also, you could sock away some money for the baby! Baby stuff is so expensive!
The thing is...you both obviously have some issues and concerns about one another...none which sound too horribly bad. If you both can communicate with each other without fighting (or giving the cold shoulder, as obviously that doesn't get you anywhere, except more angry and more resentful)..you may be able to find some more common ground. Then, with a little give and take, you'll probably both be happier in the relationship.
You mentioned his family..I assume you all live with them? Why do you think they don't like you? Have they said something, or do they treat you in a certain way that would lead you to think that? With a baby entering the picture, you will be connected to these people for life. It's in everyone's best interest to try to get along. If there really is some kind of conflict, I would recommend sitting down with them in an adult fashion, and trying to iron things out. Maybe they feel you aren't contributing to the household as much as you could? Things like that can cause a lot of resentment, but they may be uncomfortable coming right out and telling you about it. They would probably really appreciate it if you approached them to have a discussion about making things in the house better, as well as your reltionship with them. There could be things you're BOTH doing to cause unneeded tension in the home.
Realtionships take work and a LOT of patience and understanding. Certainly everyone has bad days where they just feel mad, and that's okay, but I think what SM was saying was that there is some indication that this maybe something that happens more than just once in a while...and the good news is, if that's true, there is a lot you can do to improve that!!
I can give the cold shoulder an an hour later it's fine an we dnt argue if we do we dnt speak for bout 20 mins if that an.we talk things out he knows I find it hard to talk but he has his ways if I'm upset or mad or whatever if getting me to talk. As for his parents we dnt all live together it's jus me an him an.we have talked about what was bugging when I posted this well most of it there's things I can't say I don't how to I know he'd not leave me or anything but it's more his mum I think has a problem with me as his dad if fine an.as.for contributing to the house me an my bf split everything 1 month il.do the.food shop next he will I pay half the rent.an so on. Yes I no I am a very emotional person I don't deny that but I am not a child I no when some has a.problem with me.
Well, if she has a problem with you, is it something fixable?
You keep eluding to something bigger going on. I understand there are things that are sometimes hard to share, but if it is something big, important, or otherwise, it would help to discuss it with someone.
The great thing about a site like this is, no one knows you...so there is no personal judgement, and it doesn't interfere with your life. Up to you, but we have all KINDS of different communities here, if you want to post about what's going on, you can find the perfect community (or post it right here on this thread), and people will give you some honest feedback. Sometimes we're too close to a situation to really see everything as clearly as someone else would.
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