Bulemia

I have been suffering from bulemia for almost 4 years. I started doing it to deal with the pain of losing my boyfriend. It started out as cutting and when I realized the scars wouldn't go away I turned to something more secretive.
I wasn't doing it as an everyday thing mostly just when I was depressed which in my life I am depressed alot.
About a month ago my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. I consulted with suicide hotlines and went through a period of anorexia.
I also started cutting and now I'm constantly reminded of the pain by these scars.
It's been almost 4 months and I've been slowly getting better and this week I thought I was doing well.. But just the other night I over ate and instinctively I went to the bathroom to throw up and instead of feeling guilty of it I somehwat enjoyed it because I was getting rid of what I had just eaten..
It's suddenly a constant thought now whenevr I eat I want to throw it up before I can gain any wight..
What should I do? I'm not comfortable consulting with any doctors..