Confused-Need Advice

Hi- I'm a 21 year old female with a history of depression and anxiety. I have been on numerous diets and get obsessed about controlling my weight.. and then I snap out of and go back to 'normal' eating. During the beginning of college, I gain the dreaded 'freshman fifteen'. I went back to my usual weight the following summer. Now a senior, I am back to watching my calories and get sucked into thinking about food and my weight constantly. I want to lose 30 pounds and people think this is ridiculous because I am a healthy 5'8" and 155 pounds. Needless to say, I failed and strayed off my healthy eating and felt so guilty, thus I threw it up. I continued to do this 4 to 5 times a week for almost two months. And now I just stopped. I logically know that it is unhealthy to have this binge-purge cycle, but does it mean I am or was bulimic? I feel like at times I have tendencies towards disordered eating because I grew up in a household obsessed with looks and perfection. I hate feeling like a failure because I can never stick with anything, even if it is 'bad' or unhealthy.
I don't know what to do? I told my psychiatrist that I throw up sometimes and he was concerned, but when I see him again and he asks me if I have been purging and I say, no, I'm over it.. I think it was just a phase, will he think I'm crazy of some kind of fake person. Ugh, I should have never even told him.
Sorry this is so long...

[Patricia Pitts, PhD]

Dear EDM21,

From your history, it does sound like you have had an eating disorder for sometime.  Without a full evaluation, I cannot determine if you are bulimic or eating disorder nos.  Visit the bella vita website.  Take our eating disorder survey.  Read our extensive description on bulimia and see if it fits you.

Best,

Dr. Patricia Pitts
The Bella Vita
Los Angeles, CA
Woodland Hills, CA

[pink2385]

I think it's a good thing you told you psychiatrist. It's obviously still bothering you, or you wouldn't have posted this. You should try talking to your psychiatrist about what you put here. It won't get any better staying all bottled up.

[KarimiSoup]

Hey.  It's great that you are seeing a psychiatrist about this.  It's actually a really tough thing to do in college, I had trouble myself with it at first.  But next time you see him you should be honest... there's no need to lie to him because he's on your side and there to help you.

Keep in mind that bulimia isn't categorized by one type of behavior.  Whether we throw up 4 times a day or 4 times a month, we're all still resorting to bulimic tendencies.  So the best advice i can give is to realize that bulimia doesn't make you lose weight, and if it feels like it does it's mainly due to initial water loss... but all that comes back the next day or so.  You'll also get the "puffy cheeks" that are so unattractive.  I try to think of these things every time i feel the need to binge and purge.  And if you DO binge, think about it differently... go out and exercise at the gym for an hour instead of purging.. you'll feel much better and more calm.  And no puffy cheeks.

best of luck