I need help finding a theripist.

[Rach878]

Hello Patrica,
I left an ed program in August and since than i have been trying to find a theripsit who specailized in eating disorders, who takes my insurane and isn't a two hour drive from where i live. i just can't seem to find anyone. And my eating disorder has gotten worse since i left the program in August, so i was hoping that you might be able to give me some advice as to where i can start looking for someone.
Thanks
Rachel

[Rach878]

Yes i still have my discharge meal plan, my begining meal plan, and a sheet of portion sizes. I know to start with small portions, i just am terrified to do it. I know it's not a good thing, but since Sunday i've lost 5lbs, and i can't help but feel good about it.

[benotafraid]

Hi Rachel,

Start with small portions.  
Did you save any of the meal grids that were given to you when you were at inpatient treatment?  

[Rach878]

Today i had an appointment with my regular theripist, not me ed theripist. I see her again next Mon. But my regular theripist isn't going any easier on me. Like i haven't been eating lunch like the ed theripist told me to, so know my other theripist says that she knows i want this, but i need to actually do work to get it,and i know that, it's just so hard to eat. Things are pretty bad. Sun. was a huge binge/purge/lax. day. Monday i've never felt such pain in my stomach, and throbbing in my head. Today it's a little better, but i havent eatten since Sun. I know i have to, i just don't know what or how.

[benotafraid]

Do you see your therapist once a week?  Do you have an appointment today? I hope it goes better this time.   I'm thinking of you.

[Rach878]

Well i guess yesterday i thought she would ask what behaviors i engage in, how often, go over some sort of meal plan. I didn't expect her to bring up my past issues. She also thought that my cutting had a lot to do with my ed, but i'm not so sure. She asked me what my plans are after highschool. That i kind of expected. I just didn't think she'd give me a kind of altimatium about eating or not eating so quickly. I thought she'd want to know all my behaviors first. She did talk to me about past hospitalizations, medications, my family life. But the thing is i already have a theripist to talk to about my family, and cutting, and stuff. I really just need her to help with the ed. I liked her i just didn't like her quickness to make me eat lunch.

[benotafraid]

I am here to help you.  

I read your review of the session yesterday.  Remember ... You found her.  She didn't find you.  Therefore, she is doing what she thinks is going to help you.   I get the impression that her threat didn't go over well.   She said that because she thought it would help.  And since she thinks it will help you ... she's going call him.   Prepare yourself because he's going to bring it up to you very soon.
You may want jot this down to ask your therapists or your guidance counselor what this means.  I am fairly sure these will be the key.

Carl Rogers;  Person Centered Therapy;  empathy, genuineness and unconditional positive regard
AND
William Glasser; Reality Therapy; Choice theory; WDEP.  

Please share what you thought was going to happen yesterday with what actually did happen.

[Rach878]

I just sent you  a note from my earlier journal entry about how today went. I know, i feel the same way as far as worst enemy best friend.
Thanks for listing. it means a lot to me.

[benotafraid]

I am here to help.  And it's never too late for you.  I've had bulimia, I've had anorexia, and I've had both at the same time.  I don't have anorexia or bulimia anymore.  I've seen more therapists than I can count.  I've been sent, against my will, to lots of inpatient programs for months at a time.  I had almost no contact with my family during my stays. I am 5 ft 7 in. and weigh 120.  I have not thrown-up at all in 2009.  I exercise daily.  Ed has been my worst enemy and my best friend.  
Benotafraid, Rachel ... You are not alone.

Just noticed,  I accidently replied to concerned girlfriend's post a minute ago.  I'm a goof !!!  I'm thinking a new post would keep that from happening again.  

[Rach878]

So you have seen an ed theripist, and you've struggled with bulimia and anorexia. It helps me in knowing that people that i'm talking to have been where i am know. It gives me hope that knowing that people that have been where i am have been able to go on and get better, because sometimes i feel like no matter what i do to try and save myself that it's to late for me, or that i'm to weak to do it.

[benotafraid]

Hopefully on Tuesday, you will have plenty of time to share your darkest secrets.  Don't allow your Counselor to offer a lot of personal details about herself.   Your counselor is there to help you.   Remember last week, you did say that you were on the phone for several hours trying to find a way to pay pay your therapist. Therefore, it is not her job to go off on tangents.  It is to listen to you and help you.

About your question above. I certainly don't mind sharing anything about me.  I am here to help. I will gladly answer absolutely anything that is asked of me if it will help.  Look deep inside yourself and decide if and how details about me will help you with your ed.

Rachel, in the past week or two, you have ask several questions.  You will need to re-read other post, but the answer to everythin that you have asked me is yes.

[Rach878]

i know. i have found this website to be fantastic. i've never been able to talk to anyone, about what i talk about here. My therpist always just goes off into tangents, the program i was in, frowned upon talking about things you specifficaly do, ( considered behavior), and i've never personally known anyone with an ed. If you dont' mind me asking are you bulimic or anorexic?

[benotafraid]

As embarrassed as you are, it is very honest.  It's a fantastic thing that you are able to identify some of the pros and cons of your ed.  You shouldn't feel embarassed.  It's very safe to share stuff in this environment.  

[Rach878]

i guess your right my ed doesn't make me feel normal,  but sometimes it makes me feel happy. I'm embaressed to admit that.

[benotafraid]

It is difficult to compare yourself with others to find out if any behavior is normal.  Everyone has an opinion of what normal is. Typically, people do what they need to do to feel normal. Often when one is scared that they may not be normal, they feel alone and different than the rest of the world.  You are not alone, Rachel.  Be very honest with yourself ... does your eating disorder make you feel normal?

[Rach878]

Yeah, i mean it can't hurt, but for example how many times do you think a normal person weighs themselves, does everyone spend an hour just getting dressed in the moring, is it normal to excersice everynight before bed? You know i don't know if these are normal behaviors or if there ed behaviors.

[benotafraid]

I'm glad you liked the suggestion of making notes.  I'm certain they will help your Counselor get to know you better.

[Rach878]

Thanks its a good idea to write  down all my behaviors. However some of them i'm not sure if there behaviors or if there things everyone does. Youknow.  Have you ever seen an ed therapist?

[benotafraid]

Be very honest next week when you go to the counselor.  Tell them EXACTLY what you weight.  You might jot down all of your ed behaviors so you will be able to recall then easily.  It will give the counselor a better understanding of all of your issues.

[Rach878]

Thanks. i have seen a theripist,but no one to help me with my ed specifically.

[benotafraid]

Hello Rachel,
Thank you for the e-mail.  You have been on my mind because I have been reading your posts.  I check on you when I am here.
Have you been to see a counselor in the past?  I am glad you found someone to help.  You are a special one.

[Rach878]

Thank you. I took your advice, i called my insurance company, and after 4 hrs of phone calls. i have an appt. with a theripist next Tues to meet her. Thank you so much for your help./
Thanks
Rachel

[Rach878]

Thanks for the offer to help. Why have i been on your mind?

[benotafraid]

Dear rachel,
I have come here to help.
You have been on my mind since yesterday.

[Patricia Pitts, PhD]

Hi Rachel,

Have you called your insurance directly and asked for eating disorder specialists in your area?  You can go to edreferral.com, something-fishy.org or iaedp.com and look up professionals in your area.  You can call the professional directly to see if they cover your insurance.  

If you continue to have difficulty, go to the bella vita website.  Call me directly and I will help you.

Best,

Dr Patricia Pitts
Los Angeles, CA
The Bella Vita