Metabolism confusion

I have a very complex story. Throughout high school I have gone through drastic weight differences. Starting at 140 at only 5'2 in grade nine, I eventually worked my way towards 126 in grade 10, then down to 117. In 11th grade I had 2 surgeries and dropped to 100. Shortly after I was on anti-depressants, and gained around 50 pounds in only a couple of months (epic proportions). I have since stopped taking the anti-depressants, and have been bulimic for about half a year. I will resort to purging if my caloric intake exceeds 800 calories a day. I have managed to lose 15 pounds, so I am now at 135.. but I have reached a plateau. No matter what I do, I can't seem to lose any more weight. Bulimia is not working, I've tried to withhold from meals but it only results in binge eating. I think the reason I am not losing weight is because my body is in starvation mode and is holding onto the few calories I have fed myself.. but I am too scared to take on a healthy diet because at this rate I cannot afford to continue to gain weight. In order to increase my metabolism and have a healthy diet I need to almost double what I am eating in a day at this point. However, if I do start eating more.. and I going to gain more weight? Is it impossible for me to lose weight at this point? Reducing calories through purging and starving has failed, and eating more = gaining more. How can I win? I just want to be healthy, and back to 120 :( Please help.
- joanna

[sonikaur]

I am really sorry what u are going through. I right not am the opposite...trying to gain weight. But my doctor said in order to gain or loose weight you need to increase your metabolism.
Since you are trying to loose weight...first of all do not starve yourself. My doctor says to eat six small meals a day...this will increase your metabolism and your body will burn the calories quicker. Also start doing some light excercise...no matter how bad you feel...this will increase your metabolism.

I am also 5'2 but only weigh between 98 and 103 pounds. I am trying to gain weight...in highschool i was always around 112-115 and felt fabulous. I want to get back to that.

Start eating...eat anything to get your body out of starvation mode...have will power and you can do it...this is what i tell myself so i can at least swallow my food. Its really hard i totally understand. Feel better :)