is my friend bulimic?

My friend is always "sick" or at least that was her reason when I found her throwing up in the girls bathroom one day at lunch. She doesn't eat, I don't think I've ever seen her eat somthing without it being forced down her throat. Shes skinny, too skinny, she has a twenty inch waist. Once she was at my house sleeping over and the next morning I found her passed out by the toilet. She must have been throwing up all night.
I love her like a sister and she's killing herself.

Is she Bulimic? Or is it just me?

[Patricia Pitts, PhD]

Dear Ken20ken,

Well, it does not sound good.  A 20 inch waist, throws up, restricts food intake and passed out by the toilet.  She could be anorexic, purging type.  She sounds like she needs help.  You could talk to her about how you feel about her behavior.  Scared?  Concerned?  You can also bring a few other people in who are concerned and talk with her together.

If you need some direction or an interventionist to assist, please contact me through the bella vita website.  You can also check the bella vita website out to learn about bulimia and anorexia.
Best,

Dr Patricia Pitts
The Bella Vita
Los Angeles, CA

[ken20ken]

ok... :(
so i'm not talking about a friend, i'm talking about myself. thats what my friends have told me... and what has happened.
i'm ashaimed of myself. :( i'm ashaimed of my body, i'm ashaimed of who i am.

[Rach878]

It's ok. You shouldn't feel ashamed. I have bulimerexia, and have had it for the past 6 years. How long have you been having these problems. Do you think you have anorexia or bulimia, or both. I don't know how old you are or anything, but you might want to talk to your parents about getting into therepy, and seeing your doctor for a check up, to make sure your not makeing yourself really sick.

[benotafraid]

Well, you certainly had a crafty way of getting my attention.  First of all, you are not alone.  Sounds like you already know that there is a problem, and you already know what the problem is.  How long have you had these behaviors?

[ken20ken]

i have bulimia... and i've had it for, i'd guess a year or so.

[Rach878]

Well as a fellow bulimic/anorexic i can honestly say that your not alone. I'm only just discovereing myself how many of us there are out there. Not that i personally know anyone besides myself, but here on this website you can get a lot of support from people who have been were you are, and are headed, people who are finally recoving, and people who have just started with there struggle. I'm sure at some point we all felt ashamed to admit it, but here there is no judgment for having these problems, which is why i am so comfortable here.

[ken20ken]

i'm still ashaimed. i don't even know how to start stopping?

[benotafraid]

What are you ashamed of?

[benotafraid]

Admitting and accepting that you have an eating disorder is quite powerful.  There are many, many people who deny it for years.   Do your mom and dad know?

[ken20ken]

i'm ashaimed because no matter how skinny i am i still look fat in my eyes, i'm ashaimed because i lie to everyone and say theres nothing wrong, and i'm ashaimed that i can't stop even though i want to.

and my parents don't know...

[benotafraid]

Don't be ashamed.  You are not alone.  Hiding your secret is very normal.  You need to forgive yourself.  Ask youself ... why do you want to stop?
Stopping is very hard and does not happen overnight.  You have to give it a while ... maybe even months.  Getting rid of an ED (eating disorder) is a long hard journey.
But you do have to be sure that you believe deep in your heart that you really, really want to stop.  
How often do the ED behaviors present themself?  
Is bulima isolated or do you restrict your diet as well?

[Rach878]

You don't have to be ashamed of hiding it. I hide it from everyone for 3 years. Even know that everyone knows, there are still behaviors i hide. i still do all my behaviors in secret, and no one knows how bad things really are. over this past summer i was sure i wanted to recover, so i made the first step and checked into a treament center. i was doing ok there, and then when it was time to leave i still wanted to get better. However when the holidays were coming up, i became ambivelent about treatment. So i gave up on it for awhile. Sometimes i really do want to get better, and other times i don't. But i've decided to still try for it. benotafraid is right you do have to want it with all your heart for treatment to work. And no one here is going to tell you its easy to change. But change is possible.

[ken20ken]

i eat food but i can't keep it down...
and thanks for the support, i need it now more than ever.

[benotafraid]

Explain why you cannot keep food down. Do you indulge in large amounts of food and then purge afterward? Or do you purge everytime you eat no matter how little or how much you've had.

Is your body simply unable to hold food down?  or is your brain telling you that you must get rid of the food because if you don't you will see extra pounds on the scale?

Do you have anorexia with the bulima?

These questions all need answers.  Be honest with yourself.

[ken20ken]

i purge everytime you eat no matter how little or how much you've had, and i can't keep it (food) down because A. my brain and body don't want to, they don't want to gain weight, and B. becuase food literally makes me feel fat and sick and gross. i barely get it in my mouth without gagging...

[Rach878]

I am going through the same feeling. No matter how small, i usually end up purging what i eat too, for the same reasons you do. i just wanted you to know your not alone in feeling this. I'm meeting an ed theripist next tues. Petrified she'll put me on a meal plan! because i don't want to gain weight  and i too have a hard time letting food sit in me. i feel fat, i can't loook in the mirror for at least two hours it's horrible.

Do you have a scale? If so how many times a day do you weigh yourself?

[benotafraid]

How often do you weigh-in?  If you don't mind sharing ... how tall are you and what is your weight?

[Rach878]

I weigh myself 3-5x a day. i'm 4ft. 11 in. but would rather not share my weight

[ken20ken]

i'm 5ft. and i weigh 98lbs.
i weigh 8 times a day.
wake up.
before trying to eat (TTE) breakfast.
after trying to eat (TTE) breakfast.
before TTE lunch.
after TTE lunch.
before TTE dinner.
after TTE dinner.
then last right before bed.

[Rach878]

you sound a lot like me. I usually weigh myself when i get up, after i get dressed, when i get home from school, before dinner, after i take a shower, and right before bed.

[ken20ken]

i hate the way i am

[benotafraid]

Ken20Ken, please remember ... you are not alone.  Nothing you've shared about yourself is unusual when you have an eating disorder.  
I am here to help you.  Please tell us what will you think will make you happier?
Can we defeat your ed together?

[Rach878]

Hello, i hate how i am too, alot of the time. I agree with benotafraid, let us know how we can help you. If you need help finding  a  theripist or a treatment center, or just  having us to talk to. And don't be afraid to ask anyting.

[ken20ken]

my "friend" called me fat today... he always does, and i think he's joking, though i can't be sure. i feel like ****.
i just don't even know what to say... i'm SO tired of all of it.

[Rach878]

Who is this "friend"? I'm assuming he doesn't know about your problem, but it doesn't matter. Even if he is joking, it can do a lot of damage to your self esteem. i would just tell him you don't like it whe he calls you that.
I have something i'd like to share with you. Somethink i think might help. If you like artsy stuff, i found this activity fun. Find postitive affermation, and write them down on flash cards, then you can decorate around them of on them with stickers, markers, scrapbook paper, whatever you want, and do enough to cover the mirrior in your room or bathroom, so that all you can see is your face. It was hard for me to cover my mirror, but it was a good theriputic activity, and i find it helpful.

[ken20ken]

thanks... i'll try it.

[Rach878]

Good, i know it might be hard, but i hope you can have fun with it too.

[benotafraid]

Hi Ken20Ken,
I'm sorry that your friend call you fat on Friday.  That was very cold (even it it was a joke).  I've been called fat too and it really, really, really hurt my feelings.  I wanted to die.  When they called me fat, I was  5 ' 7 and weighed 92 pounds.  Do you think I was too fat?

[ken20ken]

heck no you weren't fat benotafraid! you were no where near fat! i know a really nice girl who's 5'7 and she weighs 203 lbs... and no one calls her fat...

[shlee1016]

Hi! I just wanted to throw this out there, for the sake of ken20ken and anyone else struggling with an eating disorder, sharing numbers is never helpful. It's so tempting and the eating disorder is screaming at us to talk numbers, but it's always hurtful and will never help anything. Make sense?

How are you doing ken20ken? I saw your post about where you said your brain and body, etc. don't want to keep food down. My guess would be that the eating disorder is telling you that, wouldn't you think? Your brain is smart and knows that you need food to live. Your body physically needs nutrients from food to survive. They want it. It's the eating disorder that doesn't. Can you separate the eating disorder from yourself or do you have a hard time with that?

[benotafraid]

Weight sharing isn't  healthy nor is it helpful.  Shlee1016 is right. Treatment places say that too.
The weight I shared was from a while back.  It was to let you know that I know how you felt.  Someone called me "fat"  just like your friend on Friday. It really hurt my feelings. But they only said it because I way too skinny.  In fact, so skinny that I was
shockingly scary to look at. My bones stuck out everywhere; my eyes had black rings under them all the time, I'd grown fuzz all over my body like an ape.  I went to the dentist because my tooth fell out.  He told me it had rotted out and that I had 22 new cavities.  He asked me if I knew what bulimia was because he said throwing up must have cause this because of stomach acid.  I told him that I'd "heard of bulimia" but I didn't have it.  I told him that this must of happened because I drank coke and chewed bubble gun.  He didn't believe me.  Then, my family sent me away for several months to an out-of state inpatient treatment program. I couldn't see them at all.  I could only talk to them on the phone 5 or 10 minutes on certain days.  I was miserable!!!  

[stlmom]

A treatment center could save your life.....and sharing your weight is  not productive. If you believe you have an eating dosorder please go to your parent/s and ask for help. You need support...medically and emotionally. Good Luck! (I work daily with young women suffering from this illness)---their is hope......BELIEVE in a happier and healthier you!

[Patricia Pitts, PhD]

Dear ken20ken,

The symptoms you speak of are quite alarming.  Your friend sounds like she does suffer from an eating disorder.  Eating disorders have up to 20% death rate for those who do not seek treatment.  She sounds like she does need help.

If you are concerned, I’m sure others are too.  If you think you could talk to her alone, let her know how you feel when you see her behavior.  Such as, “I feel scared when I see you not eat.”  “When I saw you pass out at the toilet, I feared for your life.”  If you don’t think she’ll hear only from you, have others join you in a loving, supportive way with or without an interventionist.  The goal is to get her to some form of treatment: an eating disorder therapist or a medical doctor for physical concerns.  In either case you could offer to go with her to the appointment.  

To learn more about anorexia and bulimia visit the bella vita website.  

Best,


Dr Patricia Pitts
The Bella Vita
Los Angeles, CA

[glanzaf]

dont ever feel ashamed about your body just say that you are an unqice person nobody is like you ...well i was kinda in a beging of something like this i guess so ... i never throwed or something i was eating but not enough because i made 5 months without period and and feels tired all the time but thanks god i'm out of it i became 49n kilos when i suppose weight 65-63 something like that so pls dont give up i wanted to share this with you all thats me on the photo how i look i now on my profile i mean

from stephanie