is this an eating disorder?

My chaotic relationship with food dated back to as early as when I was 3, when I used food to stuff my emotions. Since then till I graduated from high school at 17, I gained weight repeatedly and by the time I entered college my BMI was 30. I had very low self-esteem as a result, and it didn't help when my mum kept on saying that I'm ugly because I'm fat and she's ashamed of me. I agreed on a slimming program and lost approx. 40 pounds (20kgs) in 6 months. Soon I started gaining weight after consuming hormone pills, and so I 'let lose' and binged - often eating behind my mum's back. Since I entered university, I used the lack of finances to not eat properly. I would often skip breakfast, have proper lunch, and then have little for dinner. I used to avoid social events involving food, but soon I learned to think that if I eat today I can compensate the next day (or a few days). I also started to count calories, limiting myself to <1000kcals on most days. I also used fiber to 'flush things out', but have lessened it to once a fortnight or so (used to be twice a week). I've been in therapy in my uni, but my therapist doesn't believe that I have disordered eating patterns because I dpn't induce vomitting. She thinks that I have a negative body image because I've dissatisfied with my current weight, and so if I eat right exercise and lose weight, I'll be fine. She says that it's ok to count calories and use fiber. I got really confused with what she says, and have been feeling very out of control...which doesn't do my eating any good. we're both frustrated with each other, and she says that I'm "like an addict who refuses to recover". I'm upset with her, but even more upset with myself for not terminating earlier on. I know I may not have enough to be diagnosed with bulimia, but I feel like it's getting worse. Have been eating even lesser and now I can't have one proper meal without feeling half dead. what should I do?

[Patricia Pitts, PhD]

Bulimia would be a diagnosis associated with bingeing on large quantities of food and purging in a compensatory way (i.e., vomiting, laxatives, excessive exercise, etc.).  If an individual does not compensate for bingeing, one could be diagnosed binge eating disorder (under Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified).  Eating disorders worsen if they are not treated.  You could go to the bella vita website to take a free survey to see if you have an eating disorder.  While you are there, read on bulimia and binge eating disorder to see if you relate to the various symptoms.  Seeking an eating disorder self help group or a specialists in eating disorders, could be helpful.  Also talking your feelings out with some one you trust, prayer, being fully present, practicing coping skills, connecting with friends can all be very helpful.  Best, Dr Patricia Pitts, PhD  The Bella Vita Eating Disorders Treatment Programs  Los Angeles, CA