15 Years of Anxiety

Posted this in the general health forum, but, being a newbie to this site, didn't notice the User Groups until " after " posting the following in the other forum...hope it's ok to post again, here.  We moved out into the countryside of Texas, so I don't really have a support group available anymore.  Anyway, here is my post, or more accurately, my rant.


Through-out the years, starting in 1997, I developed an increasing case of anxiety, which after awhile became accompanied by panic attacks.  I tried to tell the doctor at the start, this all was proceeded by abdominal discomfort, driving to work, had to run as fast as possible to the rest room before hitting the sales floor.  After doing this for months, one night in counting down the tills of the cashiers, I felt a twinge of anxiety, but shook it off.  The feeling only lasted mere seconds.  The next episode occurred months later, for a longer duration, and it got to the point that I no longer could simply shake it off.

The panic attacks are always proceeded by abdominal discomfort, which was explained away as a side-effect of the anxiety, not that I told the MD's that the discomfort came BEFORE I felt any anxiety seemed to matter.  In all these years, I've been placed on everything from Paxil, Effexor, Zoloft, more lithium than was reasonable, Xanax, Ativan,  and now am on Propranolol and Clonazepam.

The latest ones merely keep me somewhat stable, but, I am fearful of leaving my house.  Not because of the anxiety, but because of having to determine where the bathrooms are wherever I am going and location of restrooms along the way.

I've seen a host of therapists and physiologists, but have felt that not one has really taken this seriously.  I don't know if it just me, but whenever I mention anything and follow it up with "I have anxiety"; the MD's simply say that anything I am mentioning is because of the anxiety, and then it becomes obvious they just wish I would go away.

Once was even forgotten about as the entire medical staff went to lunch, leaving me in the examination room, and only after I stuck my head out of the room, realized nobody was in the medical office.  A returning nurse was stunned I was wandering around the offices, and asked what I was doing there.  I told her I was waiting for the Doctor for an examination.  Had to wait in the waiting room again until the staff returned from lunch.  MD never did apologize, actually behaved like it was my fault and that I was bothering him.

I was involved in a automobile accident with major head trauma, although many years ago.  I also have one pupil of my eye that is always a different size that the other.  IF I spend too much time on the computer, I get massive headaches, and trying to go to work, I feel as though I am not there, but am having an OBE.  

It's been one messed-up roadtrip, and only one Doctor who seemed to be interested in what exactly was going on with me, but when I called for a complete physical with him, I discovered he had moved out-of-state.  

I've also discovered that anybody that doesn't have it, doesn't really seem to understand it.  And unfortunately, seems to apply to most of the Doctors I've seen as well.  I know they are busy, and under constraints regarding referrals, and one even admitted to such.  

I don't know anymore, just am at a point HOPING it goes away on it's own as I get older.   I find it ironic, in talking to someone in a support group I was participating within for awhile, that he once was an avid extreme mountain climber, and now is too scared to walk across the street to buy a gallon of milk.  

And to get into the therapy group was only a result of me screaming and yelling at my Doctor for awhile, he relented and referred me to the group.  I wonder to this day "why" he held off from the referral months earlier.  

I just don't know how it is that one day we can seemingly do activities that would scare a normal person under ordinary circumstances, then find ourselves in a position of being anxious w/ panic attacks at a later date, and that it is " all in our heads".  

Almost seems like a cruel joke of some kind on the part of Fate.  I told a therapist that I once loved hiking in the wilderness, and he suggested that I do that...which I did.  Hit the trail the next day, and almost got struck by a Rattlesnake, only by sheer luck, the snake missed, so can't say that the trip into the wilderness was all that helpful to my anxiety problem, although it did provide additional exercise in running back to my car to get the ( you know ) out of there.

I almost have a feeling it is because of the chemically laced food we eat, and the possible electrical fields of all the modern devices messing with our normal energies, maybe a combination of both.  But I am not a doctor, so what do I know ?  

I am curious if others sort feel like the neglected, and/or like guinea pigs being used in some kind of an experiment ?

I have come to realize that maintaining a sense of humor is important, and being able to laugh, even when don't feel like it has it's benefits and does seem to make everything that much better.  

Anyway, don't know what to do anymore, and it does feel good to rant now and then, so want to thank everyone here for listening to this rant.

As far as a question, just curious as to other experiences and how many others have found a way to stop the cycle of anxiety as to be able to function normally again ?

[metalfan1]

Well first off I want to say that I've had anxiety and panic attacks for only 4 1/2 months so I haven't gone through as much as you have and I'm sorry you have felt like a guinea pig. I recently did feel like that when my doctor put me on some medication that could have been very addicting but gave it to me anyway to just get me from going back to the office. Some doctor's can be a$$es. I got this one doctor that everytime he sees me he has this look on his face that says "oh it's you again"
And to answer your question I still haven't found a way to stop the cycle of anxiety on my own. I've used meds to stop it. But I'm trying so hard to look at all my loved ones and remember that for them I am fighting and for them I WILL get rid of this. that sometimes helps when I don't have meds.

Take care.

[DavidJones111]

Yeah, the behaviour of the medical professionals actually adds to the anxiety.  I don't know if we anxious folks are sensitive types or not, but the attitude of the doctors is just as you describe it...to cycle us through as fast as possible.

And this seems to go along with not listening, and demonstrating an aire of not really caring...just shovel out the pills and hope we go away.

I agree that there are many things that can keep us going, despite the issues with and of the anxiety itself.  Love is a powerful antidote, especially if you have loved ones that maintain support as we try to resolve and/or deal with the anxiety.

Plus I have to admit that there are some medical professionals that do care, and do listen, however rare it may seem, and sometimes it takes a little bit of shopping, as it were, to find them.  For me, the one's I did find, either quit or moved.  Such is the breaks.

Although it has been 15 years for me...have been able to cope, so it is possible.  Some days are better than others, but overall, one can keep on truckin, especially with having the knowledge that others are experiencing the same thing, and we really aren't isolated and alone in this thing.  We do have outlets to express ourselves; To vent our frustrations, which helps to lower the anxiety all in itself.  I would say that it is important to remember that there are always options to dealing with the anxiety, it's just a matter of finding out what those options are, and using them to keep the anxiety at a minimum.  

Thank-you so much for responding, means quite a lot and is appreciated.  :^)