1step forward 2steps back...i need encouragment

[dizzyhairs]

I've really been making progress with my anxiety and fears of leaving the house until I found out my husband will be living for an oversea work trip on thursday.  My anxiety started about 5 months ago when he went away on a routine trip but instead of lasting a week or two it was a 3 month long trip and during his stay he wasn't sure when or if he would come home anytime soon.  All day long I have been worrying about his trip and how I will survive alone without him.  This trip will only be 8days but I'm terrified that I will need something from the store...like food and he won't be here to get it for me if I can't go.  I work from home and today I canceled quite a few clients because my anxiety was a little to high to function properly and I am feeling so guilty that I let the anxiety take over me.  So I have been sitting on the couch and laying in bed most of the day with a headache and a little nausea and complete loss of appetite.  I type this with tears streaming down my face of disappointment in myself and fear....

[sumihari]

Hope you are feeling a bit better now, it is often very difficult to cope with all the emotions not only anxiety when one's husband or partner is away for a period. From my experience I noticed that it is particularly difficult a few days before my husband goes overseas , then the 1st 2 days as I am very lonely, sad, depressed and anxious. But then I get used to all the freedom and 1 or 2 days before he gets back get a bit anxious and depressed that he is coming back so soon.

A couple of years back when I had severe vertigo, I became very anxious and very dependant on my husband and wondered whether I would cope when he is away, similar to what you describe. What if I had a panic attack, what if my heart raced, who would take me to hospital etc. But then I recalled back in the past that when I did have an emergency, that it was better to rely on the ambulance than waiting for my husband to take me to hospital. He was not the best to have around when one is having a panic attack or some severe medical symptoms. It is not that he is a bad person or unloving, it is just that he is useless in such situations.

So I learnt to let go of my husband as my support person, as I knew that worse come to worse, if something happened to me out in the public, someone will come to help me in an emergency, I only have to cope with the embarasement. See whether you have any friends and go with them to some shops nearby , it will be difficult at first but with some practice , you will be fine.

You may want to post in the agorophobia forum as well, they may be able to offer some help .

Sumi