When I was a child, I was diagnosed with ADHD. My dr put me on adderall xr, and it worked well enough to calm me down and help me focus. My parents, however, didn't want me to be medicated so they took me off the adderall and I saw a psychologist to learn ways to deal with ADHD without medication, and my highshool was very understanding and supportive of the little extra things I needed to do on her advise to be able to function. I had a few "irrationally irritable" times without it, and had a tendency to say inappropriate things at inappropriate times, but my teachers were all very patient. When I started college for the first time, as an adult with my own insurance, I went to a psychiatrist to get back on adderall. We played around with regular adderall and adderall xr for a few months and finally found the right dose for me was 30mg in the morning and 20 mg in the early afternoon, as I was working a full time job and going to school full time. I never took it on weekends or only took the morning or afternoon dose when I just had to work or go to school but not both. I never abused it. I stayed on XR for over a year, then moved to another state. I lost my insurance and couldn't afford to go to the doctor or afford the RX for adderall xr. My mom passed away in February of this year, and I just had a break down. I was having 10 or more full blown panic attacks a day starting a few weeks after she died (after the sadness started wearing away, the anxiety began) and when I wasn't having an acute panic attack, every minute of my day was consumed with overwhelming generalized anxiety. I was irritable, I would sit almost curled up in a ball at work holding my stomach and shaking. So I broke down and paid to see a psychiatrist. She prescribed 0.5mg xanax 4 times per day. Until recently, this has been enough to keep my panic and anxiety under control. Now, I decided to go back to school, and just started October 17th, which means I am working full time plus going to 3 fast track classes which is the equivalent of full time student work. In addition to that, my fiance and I are currently planning our wedding for this coming January (supposed to be a happy event, but terribly stressful) and he just got a new job doubling his salary (also supposed to be a great event, but also very stressful as he'll be travelling out of the country 40% of the time) There are so many changes and obligations right now, I feel like I'm going to explode. I went back to the psychiatrist 3 weeks ago to get started on adderall again for school. I know it messes with my stomach at first so I wanted that out of the way before I began trying to work and go to school. I used to take 50mg of XR, but he started me out at 20mg of regular and doubled my xanax dose. I have really bad ADHD, therefore, I know if I am to be able to stay in school at all, I have to take it. Ever since he put me on it though, my anxiety has pretty much doubled. I guess that's good since he doubled my xanax dose as well. However, the adderall dose is not high enough to hold my focus, especially for such a long day. I really need a dose increase to be able to take it through work and school. I'm afraid that if I stay with the 1mg of xanax 4 times daily, and increase the adderall, the anxiety will just keep increasing. I'm also afraid I am becoming physically dependant on both (something I never feared when I took it as a child or my first stint in college). I'm afraid of talking to my dr because I'm afraid he might say to cut back the adderall which I really need to function, or he might try cutting back the xanax to give the adderall a greater effect. I don't know what to do, and I'm scared. Before my mom died, I never had anxiety issues or had taken any anxiety meds. I've never had so much anxiety taking my adderall before. I just don't know what to do! I can't afford, without insurance, to go back on XR, it's too expensive, at least not until January when I get married and am under my husband's insurance. I just don't know what to do. Can you give me advise? Can you give me ways to explain this to my doctor without sounding crazy? Also, when the panic attacks first started, I would gladly have taken cyanide if a doctor told me it would help me, so I wasn't worried about addiction or withdrawal, but I have become more and more worried about this. I'm afraid if I bring this up to the doctor, he'll say I should stop both medications, but honestly, I need both of those medications to live a normal, productive life. I just need help. I'm scared, frustrated, irritable most of the time, still overwhelmingly anxious. Can you please give me some pointers?
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