I've been quite scared of myself lately, I've suffered from anxiety for a couple of years now and usually they are along the lines of hyperchondria so I was never suicidal, hence no one took it quite seriously. But recently, for the first time ever, I'm starting to have terrible thoughts...things like I would look at my window (which could open outward fully and I'm on the fourth floor) and think, what if I can't control myself and jumped? Or I'll be crossing the road and think "what if I just stopped here and the cars came towards me?" I know I wouldn't hurt myself intentionally, or, rationally, but I'm increasingly scared that I might lose control and just sabotage myself without meaning to. I'm really scared of going mad and not being able to control what I do. Like the other day at the supermarket, I was feeling so anxious and edgy, and I was really scared that I might start screaming and jumping around and throw things off the shelf... I practically ran home.
I'm very prone to tears at the moment, every little emotional thing sets me off and I've been crying at least once every two days. Sometimes it takes a good long cry, sometimes the tear doesn't even drop it's just the release of something pent up...I don't know how to describe it, but I feel slightly better and calmer afterwards, though not for long. Surely I can't cry all the time?
I'm a Uni student going through exams at the moment, so there is the element of added stress. But somehow I can't see anything beyond exams - I wake up everyday and I would feel fine, and I start to feel more and more blue during the course of the day, it's often worst in the evenings. (especially with gloomy weather we've had in london in the past couple of days)
At the end of the day it comes down to this...I just want to know:
1) Is anyone else feeling anything remotely similar?
2) Am I going mad? Will I actually lose control and hurt myself? I'm really scared of this.
3) How do I stop myself from bursting into tears over every little thing?
Thank you so much, I would appreciate any kind of support...sort of really need it now =(
this is a little late, but provided you're not dead yet:
i'm not sure about the tears. but the rest sounds like someone who is realizing that the world he is living in is by no means as secure as everyday life tries to make him believe. in addition to that you may be a person who likes to be in control of things, too much, maybe. now, provided the stress college exposes you to is too much for you to handle (and / or other aspects of your life), your behaviour could be your doubt about how many aspects of your life you really have in your hands. those are less than many people think. i think the way for you to get a hold of yourself is to let go.
What you describe seems to be symptoms that are very common to depression and anxiety.
You are going thru a stressful time and that is very frequently a trigger for these to get worse.
Is there a doctor at the school you attend that you can talk to?
If not, I suggest you see a psychiatrist for what you are experiencing. They are the best equipped to deal with the problems you are experiencing.
You are not going crazy and certainly not alone in what you are feeling. As I said, your symptoms are as typical to anxiety and depression as sneezing and runny nose are to a cold.
Seek help soon...you'll be glad you did...
Let us know how you are doing.
I actually feel exactly the same,. but the base for my feeling is that I've been abused as a child and now, after decades that happened, I'm affraid i do the same. sometimes I feel like breaking things or pulling everything off the place they are. It is absurd since I have never abused anyone or even thought of it before. I need help. I want to keep on controlling my life. hope I get it.
I am not a professional but there is a name for imagining yourself doing things you would normally never even fathom. Don't worry! The people that have such thoughts never actually do it. It is just your imagination running off a bit. If you keep having the thoughts enough to where its bothering you or interfereing with your life please see a therapist and they can get rid of them or show you how to control your thoughts.Maybe the tears are because you feel so out of control, but your not really. You have alot of anxiety and could benefit greatly by seeing a psychiatriast. Not because you losing your mind, you just need some tips on thinking positive and some reassurance. We can scare ourselves to death (not literally!) with our thoughts and some need help with it, its nothing to be ashamed of. You may be helped also with some medication for anxiety, you will be very happy you did! You don't have to suffer like this! Good Luck to you, you are going to be just fine. :)
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