OK here I am being totally honest. I could write a million things here to tell you how I am and what I am scared of, but I dont have alot of space.
I started having panic attacks when I was about 15-16. when I first started having them I didnt know why I felt the way I did. After having them for awhile I started to stay where I felt comfortable and didnt have them. The place that I started to have them the most was at a mall in my city, So I avoided the mall at all costs. I became agoraphobic at that point in my life around 17 yrs old. I had someone that knew a bit about what I had and pushed me and pushed me to get out of the house and do normal things.... it was very hard and I was pushed so hard that I really wanted to avoid these scenarios more. At 18 I had a fight with a man, and I was put in jail for about 3 days. When I got out of jail I was soooo relieved. It seemed my agoraphobia was gone. I could go into the mall and not be so scared, I could do almost anything I wanted to do. I don't know exactly where I fell apart, but everything went downhill at some point. I started back on the path of staying at home and never leaving. The more I got to know about my problem the worse it became for me. I am scared of passing out, I dont think I am going to die when I have a panic attack because I know that I will pass out from lack of oxygen and I will be fine. But I am scared of the feeling of the attack and scared of passing out. To describe the feeling that I have when having an attack is simple.... I feel like I am stuck in a casket and I cannot get out no matter what I do. I am on alprazolam and citalopram. 3mg of alprazolam a day in 3 intervals, and 3 20mg citals- at once. I find myslef taking 2 pills of alpraz to calm myself and to help me sleep every night. But I dont take it during the day. I take my citalopram everynight as recommended because I think it helps me a bit. I am told that I have to overcome my fears by exsposure, but I cannot make myself do it. I am being honest here, so I think the best way for me to do that is for me to have no option and someone has to make me do it. And in order for that to happen the police would have to take me and I would probably go insane now because of fear. I wish there was a simple pill or anything just so I can be normal again.... I dont remember what its like to be normal actually, this is normal for me.... but try to explain to someone that you cant go out of your home because your scared of passing out on the street or in a mall.... and have them ask you why.... and then tell them " I dont Know" and see if they think your crazy or not. If I could smash myself in the head with a hammer or see a hypnotist to totally forget my problems I would.... someone pls help me
First of all, please don't hit yourself in the head with a hammer!! :-) But all kidding aside...I have had anxiety for seven years now, and as a former housebound soul, I know exactly where you're at. I was housebound for over a year, and during that time my every waking thought was about my body symptoms, and the thought of leaving the house and having a panic attack was just too much to bear. I was watching TV one night and saw the infomercial on The Midwest Center and decided to give it a try. It's a fifteen week at-home self-help program. I thought to myself, "I can get help, delivered right to my door, and from what I understood, they taught techniques that are used by many psychiatrists to help people recover from their anxiety. So I decided to give it a try. It was fairly inexpensive (200 and something $, but I've heard they are now being sold on E-bay at half the cost) and well worth the price I paid for it. It slowly introduces you to the how's and why's of what were going through, and teaches you how to begin to live life again. I know I sound like an informercial myself, but I have to say that if I didn't get that program I would still be housebound and hopeless. I am still uncomfortable at times in new places, or around new people, but I can atleast go new places and meet new people. After you've finished the program you would be able to atleast leave your house, maybe go to a psychiatrist and further expound on the reasons the you developed anxiety in the first place. That along with your medication should atleast allow you to regain your life, if only to be able to grocery shopping, or to visit friends. But having said all of this, I must admit that I still don't go to the mall !!! :-) This is the only advice that I can give. I hope it helps, it helped me alot. Good luck to you.
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