Am I crazy or is this serious?

[Alyssaglenn]

For the past 5-6 months I've been feeling more and more upset.. I feel so uncomfortable asking my friends/family members for things I'm not sure why but I know I want to ask them something I just won't say it. I feel like if I say one wrong thing I could offend them by accident. Like I could've known someone for years and didn't see them for 2 days and I've already drifted far from them.  I have this constant nervous feeling deep down and think of all of the worst things possible even if they're totally ridiculous. And yes I've tried to keep myself from thinking about it but it's so hard to drive my mind away from the craziness because deep down I want it to be true but then again I don't. Like I feel everywhere I go I'm being judged or if I hear someone laughing I think they're laughing about me... I have all of these irrational thoughts... I've tried xanax and they keep me calm but the thing is my mom won't put me on them so I'm always and emotion anxious mess... I've told myself in public multiple time I'll be okay and I'll make it through but I know that maybe one time it won't be that way
I've also been having these emotional breakdowns... like I think of everything I've been through (and trust me ive been through the worst) I just cry and cry because I wish that I would've never witnessed things that I've witnessed, I wish I'd never done things I've done, I wish I wouldve told my mom how I was molested (I still haven't told her and it's been about 7 years) now I feel I can't tell her because I feel she won't believe me and the guy was just at our house the other day so just about the whole time he was here I took a nap and stayed far from him... I know like if I keep this to myself that it'll just build up more steam inside myself.. I feel like a volcano when I'm angry; dangerous and unpredictable...

[Paxiled]

Thank your Mom for keeping you off the Xanax.  You're only 16, and drugs that affect your brain should only be taken at that age if absolutely necessary.  What you need more than anything, at least according to what you're saying here, is a therapist.  You've been hiding something huge and it needs to be brought out into the light so you can get past it.  If that can't happen organically, then a therapist can do it privately and help you learn how to cope with it in a productive way.  You're not having an emotional breakdown -- there's really no such thing.  You've just bottled up a lot of stuff and its seething in there.

[Alyssaglenn]

I don't feel comfortable talk to anyone in person about it I feel like they'll judge and say it was my fault

[AnxiousNoMore]

The therapist keeps it private and if you don't open up to them nothing can get solved. You would be wasting your time. Since you are just 16, it would be helpful if you do talk it over and learn what you can from someone whose job is to help.