Anxiety, paranoia, and jealousy run my life. Can I find a way to be happy in a relationship without losing my mind?

[curiousgirl91]

I am 20 now and extremely jealous and paranoid when in a serious relationship it affects me in a way that causes extreme self loathing and panic attacks that turn into self inflicted cuts where I'm begging myself to find the strength to commit suicide. I started having anxiety after going through an abusive relationship from age 16-19. Jealously and paranoia began before I met him. My emotions are unbelievably easily affected by my boyfriends actions and words. I can't seem to ever talk to a therapist face to face about it but have seen a couple. I really just want to feel happy and normal. Any feedback or suggestions for this would b greatly appreciated.

[curiousgirl91]

Finding this site made me feel a lot more comfortable and willing to open but I can't see me saying the "whole" truth to a Dr.

[curiousgirl91]

Thank u for the feedback but the problem with going to someone is that I sit in front of them and keep these problems to myself I end up feeling paranoid that they will grab me and force me into a cushioned white room if they think that I'm psychotic :(

[nursegirl6572]

I agree with Joanna, you need to seek help.  Much of what you're going through is normal for your age in a relationship.  However, how you're responding to it is not.  You're becoming depressed, amxious and even suicidal.  You have issues in your past that you need to address with a therapist.

If you haven't already, seek the help of a psychiatrist..they can thoroughly assess you and give you an accurate diagnosis.  From there, you can discuss treatment options.  

There IS help out there and you CAN get through this...you just need to work at it with a professional.

It goes without saying that suicidal thoughts are nothing to take lightly.  Many people have had them at one time or another in varying degrees.  Only YOU know the seriousness of those thoughts.  It's one thing to have a fleeting thought about suicide, but an entirely different thing when those thoughts turn into intent.  If at any time you feel that these are more than just thoughts, seek help immediately....get yourself to a hospital, call 911, whatever it takes.  If you're not SURE of your intentions, don't take any chances any get yourself to a hospital right away.  

You don't have to suffer...there is help for you.  Please update us and hang in there!

[juana105]

I've been there, so my advice would be first to seek help of a good, knowledgeable psychiatrist. You can suffer from severe mental disorder due to imbalance of neurotransmitters in your brain. If your brain is out of balance, everything is of balance: life doesn't make sense anymore and there is so much pain...
Only when you address your primary issue/physical staff, you will be able to go on and maybe address some underlying issues/emotional wounds.
Life gets better - believe me, I've been in hell and step by step, slowly I got out. Now life is again worth living.
Take care,
Joanna