It all started over two months ago when I had my first panic attack from smoking weed, ever since then my life has changed dramatically, I started to get physical symptoms such as lightheaded, dizziness, heart palpitations, feeling off balance, nausea, etc.
I immediately went to doctors and was given diazepam for it, I took that for 5 days but it made me feel much worse so I stopped it.
I've gone to and from the doctors several times since then, only to be told it's anxiety every single time, and recently I have somehow developed tinnitus in my left ear out of nowhere and it's not helping at all.
A month later I decided to start therapy, which I was then diagnosed with GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder) to help me using CBT and some of the physical symptoms have now stopped but now some others have surfaced.
I think I am suffering from depersonalisation, most likely caused by the weed, I look at things and see them differently, I don't recognise myself in the mirror, I have no emotions whatsoever, I cannot smile, laugh or get angry. I cry sometimes, but I feel nothing, just emptiness, which I think is caused by the depression, I have a severe memory loss problem where I cannot remember much even the things I done today.
Also, I have this problem where I am now overthinking everything, before I used to worry but since the physical symptoms have dissapeared, now it's as if I don't care about anything, (I obviously do since I'm writing this but it feels as if I don't with the lack of emotions) I keep rehearsing conversations in my head that I will never have, and I cannot stop it. All day through my mind my thoughts do not stop, no matter what I try, I never used to be like this. It also feels like I have brain fog sometimes where I cannot think at all no matter how hard I try.
I feel so hopeless, I just want to live my life how I used to and enjoy myself, I look at pictures of how I used to be and start crying because I think I will never return to that person.
I keep a diary of the things I think which my therapist told me to do, and I'm trying to challenge negative thoughts which pop into my head but nothing seems to be working.
I feel as though my personality has changed, I no longer enjoy anything I used to and have no ambitions, goals, or anything.
I cannot think of anything other than the problems I am going through, no other thoughts pop into my head, it feels as if though I am brain dead, like a zombie but somehow functioning.
I keep thinking that I have a mental illness or an underlying physical condition that they have missed, because I cannot believe all of this is down to anxiety.
I have been hospital for blood tests, X-Ray's, CT Scan, ECG, Blood Pressure, everything comes back normal.
I don't know what to do anymore, I'm not enjoying my life, I feel as though days are just passing by and I'm here wasting my time when I used to enjoy my life.
I feel as though the mistake of smoking weed has ruined my life and I don't know what to do or how long of my life this is going to take up if I do eventually recover from this.
Sorry for the long post, I have so much more to say but I just don't know what to do.
Also, right now, as I am writing this it feels as though I'm somewhat back to normal, is that because I'm writing out what I'm feeling/thinking? That's what makes me feel like I have a mental illness, because my mood keeps switching, not manic but normal, I don't believe I am bipolar, I just don't know, I'm overthinking everything.
Something else which I have noticed or believe I have noticed is that my inner monologue seems to have gotten quieter, before it was more noticeable but now it feels like it's running in the background kind of, I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm scared. I would've never thought this would be happening to me.
Yes, and it has come back fine but I am currently taking vitamin B tablets anyway, the main problem I'm having now is I can't stop thinking about anything and everything, I ruminate through my head all day long, I'm planning conversations in my head for the future and I never used to be like this. That is what I believe is causing me to be depressed and have a lack of emotions, or it may be from the depersonalisation. I just don't know since I cannot diagnose myself. But I am scared and I want to know what is going on.
Hi I had a severe panic attack last night and had to call 999 as I thought it was something worse , ecg blood pressure was fine, but today I feel totally drained and pain in my chest and panicky , it's ruining my life also . I hope u feel better soon
Here's what happened, and if you look at the archives on this site you will see similar posts all over the place. Many people get their first anxiety attacks while stoned. Marijuana brings out of us what's inside and focuses our attention intently on it. This is especially true with today's marijuana, which really isn't a natural plant product at all but is a highly hybridized product much much stronger than natural marijuana. Now, most people like this, and it's great until it isn't. When it isn't, it's time to stop smoking, obviously, but what you're now facing is kind of like PTSD -- the bad experience so traumatized you that you keep thinking just like you did while you were experiencing this feeling. This is what happens to everyone who develops a chronic anxiety problem, though nobody knows why it happens to some but not to most. So it's great you're going to CBT, hopefully you have a good therapist -- some are not so hot. But know that CBT is very hard work, and there's no guarantee of success, but it will only work if you let yourself face the things that most bother you. It takes time and a positive attitude. The hopelessness you're feeling is probably depression brought on by the anxiety and the downward change in your life, so you have to work on that. Don't worry about having made a mistake by smoking weed -- it could have happened anyway, so just forget about that. You will probably get better with time and work. Good luck.
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