I've been close to three months with anxiety, and I can feel it everyday. What started as one thought turned into a never ending wave of "what ifs" that turned a completely normal, borderline apathetic, young, invincible feeling teenager, into a constantly worrying shell of his former self.
I've been overweight much of my life since the age of 10. Never cared about how it looked on me, but there's always been that part of me who wanted to be healthier. I never dwelled on the thought though, or was prepared to take any drastic steps. My mantra was "I'll live my life by whatever makes me happy."
I've always been the victim of over-abundance of food simply because a taste causes me to want more of it. It was like, I wanted more so I could keep tasting the goodness of the food over and over again. Not really a food addiction, but a taste addiction. I never ate based on mood. That's what music's for.
Well, three months ago, we found out a close friend of ours was walking down the street with her young daughter, and just collapsed out of the blue and died of a massive heart attack. She was fairly large too, but was fairly active, unlike me who other than going places like school or the store, or whatever, pretty much has lived a sedentary lifestyle, exercising occasionally, but it was never routine.
The thought entered my head of what if. What if I'm next. I became scared. Then realized, I haven't had any tests done to know what really IS going on with me, so scared turned into constant worry. I started feeling it in minor ways, until I had my first panic attack on the way to school one morning. Since then, it's been a constant nightmare that has totally taken over my life, and is trying to destroy it completely until I've lost the will to live.
The thing is, unlike typical anxiety, it's no longer purely fear induced. It's physical. I feel it every single day, and it's how my body feels that causes the fear, and not the other way around, and my physical sensations keep me locked in this never ending cycle, that NOBODY has seemed to show interest in helping me get out of. I feel like the only way to get help is to wait until I'm totally suicidal and ready to end it all. Thing is, I'm too much of a pansy to actually commit suicide. LOL!
If I could cure all the physical symptoms that anxiety has unleashed on my body, I could EASILY cure my mind and part ways with my anxiety, but I just don't know how, and there seems to be a big lacking of information on getting rid of the PHYSICAL symptoms of anxiety. It's all about mental, and that's not where the problem is. That's where the problem takes me.
I need help, guidance, assistance, SOMETHING to help me take the right steps to getting my body back on track, so the bad thoughts in my mind will go away, because it's my body that feeds the thoughts.
What are your physical symptoms?
My boyfriend struggled with weight when he was younger, but when he got into middle school he got a lot of pressure from his older brothers because they ranked on how he wasnt skinny like them. He started joining sports and soon lost all that weight and now he is a very healthy weight. He too loves the taste of food. He actually is apply into cullinary schools and works as an assistant head chef at a 5 star restaurant! --not bad for a 17 year old guy. Point is, I think your anxiety is stemming off of that, so maybe try really hard to work on becoming healthy.
I'm constantly fatigued, have headaches, jaw pain, chest discomfort, back pain, can feel my heartbeat through my back, nausea, all of which is connected to anxiety because there's not a thing that's medically wrong with me, based on all the tests.
How can something that started from a thought, torture me physically to where it forces me to believe in the negatives?
Those are pretty normal anxiety symptoms. Out of those you listed I have felt fatigued, had headaches, weird heartbeat (i can feel mine in my stomach and its really annoying) and nausea is huge for me. I dont know about the other symptoms, but i do know that anxiety causes nausia becuase there are actually brain cells in your stomach. So when your hormones in your brain are off, the cells in your stomach start to set off too which cause nausia. It suks doesnt it! THe brain is very powerful though, which is why mood disorders effects us physically, cause they brain controls everything.
Good luck with this, are you in therapy? If not, you should consider it because it really does help, even if your like me and dont think you need it. It took me like 2-3 months of therapy to finally admit it does help. I was very reluctant to go becuase i didnt think it could do anything for me, but it really has and i dont even know how.
with anxiety though, it goes both ways. Its like a vicous cycle. Im going to use myself for an example. I have emetophobia (fear of throwing up) and the second I feel nausious for whatever reason the anxiety comes rushing. On the flip side, the second anxiety starts, I get nausious. So it is a cycle! The physical can feed the mental, but the mental also feeds the physical...thats why therapy and medication go so well together. Talk to a doctor about medication, and often will suggest therapy.
It's kind of the other way around, the mental feeds the physical and then it loops. Drop the idea of sudden death. You had a traumatic experience and now are associating it with yourself. I did and do the same things so let me share what I have learned. People who are sensitive to nerves tend to focus and become extremely apathetic to conditions of health. You have no idea what caused her sudden collapse, Artery disease, genetic malformation, family history. Many Many large people live a long time without experiencing heart attacks, and at your age the possibility is comparable to getting hit by lightning, so drop that from your mind.
When I was thirteen I convinced myself I had cancer, made my mom bring me to the doctors, had all the test, even felt like I had cancer. I couldn't eat, lost weight, and slept all day feeling nauseous. Tests came back normal, no cancer, I moved on. Whenever I saw illness on the tV, sudden death, brain tumors, anything I convinced myself I had it, and never did. You have to stop this, you had an original event, that has now blossomed into a full scale panic. It will control your life unless you move past this incident.
Good luck, the best advice for you at your age is to drop these ideas before they consume any more of your time and energy.
You sound just like me except I am athletic and I'm always working out.
One random day, I had some kind of flashing light in my eye for 3 hours and I basically freaked out. I diagnosed myself with a retinal detachment. I went crazy. Went to two eye doctors and they said it was stress. The more I worryed, the worse the lights got. Then I thought maybe I have high blood pressure, so I started thinking about my heart which started to make it always race, palps, etc. I was so bad, I started checking my poop and **** to make sure I didn't have kidney failure or internal bleeding from always being lightheaded. So everyday, I was walking around seeing lights, lightheaded, and a racing hard beating heart.
I was so out of control, if I saw a herse drive by, I'd picture myself in it. I became depressed because I didn't want to freak out in public.
All of my tests were fine. Blood, ****, ekg, etc. Doctor told me I was having anxiety cause I freaked out about going blind.
I eventually had a major panic attack, called 911 freaking out. Then I started to get nocturnel panic attack.
Listen to me, my life was on pause. The day I started taking Zoloft and learning how to breathe the correct way, I had my life back. Within weeks, every sympton I had that went on 24/7 had vanished. I smiled agian. I went from checking my heartbeat every 5 minutes to not giving a f*ck about it. I don't even know it's there anymore unless I'm exercising.
Some of us just need some extra seritone in our life.
You need to act now because anxiety will only get worse if you don't do anything about it. It wont ever go away or just stay how it is. It's going to keep getting worse and worse unless you take your life back.
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