Anxiety again!? Disappointing. =(

[cnote]

So I have been anxiety free since November. So a little over 3 months. Sleep has been great and everything.
Yesterday was great too! I decided to go to the gym about 7pm and on my drive there, I felt zoned out... like tired... yet everything I was seeing looked so vivid... the sky, the trees... almost TOO clear? Weird I know.

Anyways, I just contributed it to being tired maybe? I blew it off and went to the gym, worked out, came home, and had that feeling once again.

I was hungry and ate some tuna and spinach salad. The wife and kids were still up and I was fixing to go to bed. I then just started feeling uneasy.. and that feeling came over me again and kinda spooked me.

It basically triggered anxiety... I laid in bed and tried to relax. My legs started trembling with fear for some reason, like I was cold, but hot, my hands and feet were clammy, my heart rate was UP. Probably 100bpm. And my stomach was in a knot. Hate that feeling. Basically felt terrible... I got out of bed, talked to my wife who was in the kitchen, she told me it will pass and that I was probably just tired and anxious.

For those who know me, I'm against benzos (xanax, ativan etc.) I've basically been benzo free for 2+ years. But last night I had a small script of xanax from an anxiety episode I had a few months ago. I only took it 1 time back then.

I went ahead and took one 0.25mg xanax, pretty minor. It calmed me enough to fall asleep. But I woke up at 4:30am b/c our smoke alarm was going off (false alarm), but it did JOLT me out of bed. lol. I then laid back down in bed feeling awful still... heart rate still high, but I think I managed to fall back asleep SOME. Kept having weird/bad dreams... then kept tossing and turning... legs would tremble and shake with fear... bad anxiety huh?

I finally just got out of bed around 10:30am and started moving around... I'm off work this week on vacation... I called my Dr. just to get a peace of mind. He said it's exactly 100% anxiety.

He wants me to take a couple xanax when I need too, but I dont' want too... I went ahead and took 1 more today and it helped some. But 0.25mg is not much.

I just want some encouragement. I know this too shall pass!!! I really do!!! Just not knowing WHEN.

I will probably make another appointment to see a psychologist who helped me greatly a few months ago when I was going through a bad time. Just 2 sessions and I was back to the old me. :)

The best advice he gave me was "turn what if thinking into so what thinking". Love that. My heart rate tonight is still about 80-100 at times. I think that's what keeps me up most at night. But I have faith I'll sleep good tonight.

Love you all. :)

[Cassangel69]

I hope you are sleeping better and getting the rest you need =)   I also hate medications and am very sensitive to them.  They all make me worse not better (SSRI's, gabapentin, antipsychotics, etc).

I love your positive attitude, it is inspiring =)     I also want to deal with my anxiety medication free =)  

[cnote]

Thanks for the responses. :) I went and saw a psychologist today that I saw 2 times about 4 months ago and that's all i had to see him. Just 2 sessions and I was free of anxiety. No meds needed!

I'm an anti med kind of guy. (Just for me. Too sensitive.)

I was glad I did. He reassured me I would get out of this anxiety funk.

Its SO funny... as many times I've gone through anxiety spells (for me anxiety spells is when I have a bad anxiety attack: shaking, rapid heart rate, nervous stomach, and just bad bad anxiety... but after the worst it STILL lingers for days, even weeks) you'd think I'd be able to assure myself I WILL eventually feel better again! But when you are in this state of mind... you just can't see the light @ the end of the tunnel.

But! I know that's a lie! I haven't had anxiety in about 4 months. Just 3 days ago I was great! ***** how it can just sneak up on you.

My psychologist said that the reason my anxiety lingered after an attack like this is because its excess adrenaline still hanging out. He said our goal is to learn to control adrenaline. He said its a challenge but I can unlearn it.

I asked him also if I have general anxiety disorder. He said No. He said it seems to him that I just have bouts of anxiety. And he's against labeling in a sense. My medical Dr. Said I'll probably have anxiety the rest of my life.

However my psychologist begs to differ. He thinks anything is possible. Which I think is fantastic. :)

I'm getting better at this I really am. Just hope I can get some get some much needed sleep tonight. Last nights sleep was a struggleft. I fell asleep good but woke up 3.5 hours later feeling dread all over my body. I just got out of bed for a moment and got a glass of water. Said a prayer and fell back asleep. But had bad dreams and tossed and turned most the night. But I made the best of it.

Tonight I'm feeling more confident. But anxiety is still there. I'd say its at a 3/10. Two nights ago it was a 10/10. Yesterday it was a 8/10. This afternoon a 7/10. That's good progress.

I know eventually this bad spell will all be a thing of the past. Just hard to see at the moment. But just hearing the psychologist say "Yes. This will pass!" Just made me break down crying in relief this evening. Its good positive confirmation.

Love you guys! I know this will pass. :)

[Cassangel69]

Many hugs to you!  I completely relate!  I can get severe panic attacks from my anxiety and experience spells like what you are going through. I am now in the process of tapering off gabapentin which was given to me 18 months ago for anxiety but it didn't get rid of my anxiety and it brought on bad depression.  I had a complete nervous break down almost 2 years ago with non-stop panic attacks. I was admitted into a crisis center for 10 days and one of the meds they gave me that helped me a lot was Hydroxyzine. It still helps me now to sleep at night when I am real anxious. Hydroxyzine (other names Vistaril, Atarax)  is not a narcotic. It is an antihistamine.  If needed I will take 50 mg of Vistaril and sleep a good 8 hours uninterrupted.  Without the vistaril on a bad anxious night I would not be able to go to sleep and if I did I would wake up panicky in a few hours, even with taking 1 mg of klonopin,  so vistaril often saves me when nothing else works. I hope you feel better soon!  You are definitely not alone. Keep us posted!

[cnote]

My symptoms the other night were

shaking/trembling
feeling not right
sweats
nervous stomach

I took an oath last night and said I was not taking anymore xanax ever again.

I just don't want to go down that road again. i had a bad withdrawal from ativan a couple years ago, and i don't want to relive it!

last night i fell asleep around 12am, but woke up at 3:30am. But I just accepted it, got a drink of water, ate half of a banana and crawled back into bed. I fell back asleep for a couple more hours or maybe more, but it was very choppy and had weird dreams.

I know I'm making progress b/c I am no longer having tremors or shaking, my heart was racing when I got into bed last night, but it slowed WAY down, it's still down today. :) So that's progress,

however, I still feel nervous in a way. But it's manageable! Uncomfortable, but managable! I WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THIS ANXIETY SPELL.

It may be a week, it may be 2 weeks, it may be just a couple more days, who knows, I have to just live in the NOW and do the best I can.

I'm one of those people who can get BAD anxiety, then feel STUCK and see NO WAY OUT... but looking back I  ALWAYS get out! ALWAYS!

So why wouldnt I this time? I just went 3+ months without any anxiety. :) I can do it again.

[anxiety860]

Ah the great old "what if" thoughts. I always have them. You know and have the tools to get better and you know that you will. Anxiety is a heck of. Roller coaster ride though. Try to keep busy during your vacation. You'll be alright