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Anxiety and hypochondria are ruining my life :-( please help!
I know this is long but im so scared. please read!! For about 2 years now i have had severe health anxiety, and its completely ruining me. i have 3 small children and the thought of leaving them behind makes it 100 times worse. i am currently afraid to death of palate cancer. i found with my tounge (cant see it much) a small lump on the roof of my mouth about 7 months ago. i went to the dentist, primary doc and an ent and they all said im fine...so i quit worrying for a long time! Phew right??? nope...i rediscovered it again just a couple weeks ago...went back to the ent...got another 'all clear' but i cant shake my fear this time! i feel what i call weird sensations when i push on it. not like the same feeling when i push other places on my hard palate. i dont know what to do!! i cant eat, i cant sleep, i hide in the bathroom and cry so my kids dont worry. i know this is ridiculous but i cant stop! i cry all the time. its so depressing. i want to live a normal worry free life. i dont have health insurance so i cant afford therapy or meds. im desperate...what do i do??
it really does help reading these posts. I have OCD and horrible health anxiety issues. Whatever I fell in my body it's ALWAYS some type of cancer.
I hate to admit my age so let's just say I have been doing this for over 30 years. At present I am totally convinced I have cancer because of unintentional weight loss. I was always able to convince myself that it wasn't cancer because I hadn't lost weight and now my biggest fear, I've lost about 12 pounds in 10 months without trying. I've always been one of those gals trying to loose 10 pounds and never being able to and now this. My anxiety is so bad I had to throw my scale away and put a mirror on my dresser away. I try on my clothes over and over to make sure I am not loosing more weight.
Sometimes my mind sees my body as skin and bones and it's just so terrifying! I had some doctors appointments July (cardiologist, gynecologist and gastroenterologist and none of them seemed concerned. But I figure they are specialists so won't order tests a primary care doc would and I don't have a primary care doc. So Tuesday I went to my gastro and gynecologist.
I wouldn't let the gastro nurse weigh me and she said no problem. I saw the doc and lifted up my shirt and grabbed some belly fat and said this isn't cancer? He said well I can't say that. but then he said my weight was fine and it was probably a good idea I threw out my scale. He also said depression can cause weight loss and asked if I was depressed which I am,
Very. So he asked me about ordering some tests, he said vitamin D, thyroid liver function , CBC and I agreed. I looked on the lab order and saw some test for the pancreas as well. So scared my white count will be way high due to cancer. Anyway when I saw him Tues. he said call his office for results.
I had blood work Friday AM waited anxiously and nervously until Tues. to call for results and the girl said oh what did you have done, oh blood work, let me see, yes here it is I will give it to the Doc for review and have him call you. WHAT! I almost passed out. Why is the doctor calling me, is something wrong? Can't you give me the results? No I'm not qualified she said. Don't you want the doctor to call you? I said ok, when. Between 12 and 4. By 4 he hadn't called and I thought I was going to loose my mind . Had to call my shrink and she helped a little but when those thoughts, that's monster gets a hold of me I can't hear what people are saying. I called the office at 4 and the girl said he's really busy, sorry but he will call you. I did ask her if it was something bad would the lab have told him. She said absolutely they call him right away if it's bad. So this did cut my fear down somewhat. I just wanted to hear the doctor say all results are normal. He NEVER called me. Now it's Wed morning and nothing. I forgot to mention that when I called the office at 4, I did tell the girl that I don't care if he calls or not as long as the results are normal, but she said oh he'll call you.
So now I just figure if I die, I die. I just can't take this anymore. I am not going to call, I'm not going to do anything . I am not going to think about my weight or anything. I am so completely exhausted from it all and unfortunately NO doctor understands my mental health issue and helps me.
I have OCD and Somatic Obsession which I tell them. Somatic meaning of body, basically obsessed with anything about my body. Sorry to go on and on. I just want to live and be free from this constant fear and anxiety and really give it to God! Thanks for listening .
I hate to admit my age so let's just say I have been doing this for over 30 years. At present I am totally convinced I have cancer because of unintentional weight loss. I was always able to convince myself that it wasn't cancer because I hadn't lost weight and now my biggest fear, I've lost about 12 pounds in 10 months without trying. I've always been one of those gals trying to loose 10 pounds and never being able to and now this. My anxiety is so bad I had to throw my scale away and put a mirror on my dresser away. I try on my clothes over and over to make sure I am not loosing more weight.
Sometimes my mind sees my body as skin and bones and it's just so terrifying! I had some doctors appointments July (cardiologist, gynecologist and gastroenterologist and none of them seemed concerned. But I figure they are specialists so won't order tests a primary care doc would and I don't have a primary care doc. So Tuesday I went to my gastro and gynecologist.
I wouldn't let the gastro nurse weigh me and she said no problem. I saw the doc and lifted up my shirt and grabbed some belly fat and said this isn't cancer? He said well I can't say that. but then he said my weight was fine and it was probably a good idea I threw out my scale. He also said depression can cause weight loss and asked if I was depressed which I am,
Very. So he asked me about ordering some tests, he said vitamin D, thyroid liver function , CBC and I agreed. I looked on the lab order and saw some test for the pancreas as well. So scared my white count will be way high due to cancer. Anyway when I saw him Tues. he said call his office for results.
I had blood work Friday AM waited anxiously and nervously until Tues. to call for results and the girl said oh what did you have done, oh blood work, let me see, yes here it is I will give it to the Doc for review and have him call you. WHAT! I almost passed out. Why is the doctor calling me, is something wrong? Can't you give me the results? No I'm not qualified she said. Don't you want the doctor to call you? I said ok, when. Between 12 and 4. By 4 he hadn't called and I thought I was going to loose my mind . Had to call my shrink and she helped a little but when those thoughts, that's monster gets a hold of me I can't hear what people are saying. I called the office at 4 and the girl said he's really busy, sorry but he will call you. I did ask her if it was something bad would the lab have told him. She said absolutely they call him right away if it's bad. So this did cut my fear down somewhat. I just wanted to hear the doctor say all results are normal. He NEVER called me. Now it's Wed morning and nothing. I forgot to mention that when I called the office at 4, I did tell the girl that I don't care if he calls or not as long as the results are normal, but she said oh he'll call you.
So now I just figure if I die, I die. I just can't take this anymore. I am not going to call, I'm not going to do anything . I am not going to think about my weight or anything. I am so completely exhausted from it all and unfortunately NO doctor understands my mental health issue and helps me.
I have OCD and Somatic Obsession which I tell them. Somatic meaning of body, basically obsessed with anything about my body. Sorry to go on and on. I just want to live and be free from this constant fear and anxiety and really give it to God! Thanks for listening .
I too have the same issues as you, worried that what I have must be cancer or some other debilitating disease. I was probably born an anxious person. I think the fear of cancer was because my mother told me over and over again that her father died of stomach cancer when she was a teenager he would have been in his 60's. So from my teens on any stomach pain I was sure it would be cancer. It didn't stop there any other symptoms I would automatically think I was doomed. I regret all the testing I had I'm sure all the radiation I had wasn't good for me. So now I worry about that. The first Psychiatrist I saw gave me valium nothing else, my symptom was hyperventilating, I didn't know it was because of anixiety, I was 21. I should have had therapy and maybe Zoloft or something. Also I would get chest pain which turned out to be muscle skeletal. 41 years later and 2 grown kids, I still have anxiety. 20 years ago I tried anxiety meds. but had to stop because it made my already skipped heart beats worse. Having irregular heart beats for someone who is already anxious is not fun. I can take Klonopen, which helps for the bad days. If I were you I would get some therapy maybe try some meds., you a young you don't want to live your life in fear. even exercise can help, I know you have two young kids so its hard to find the time but it does help. My Aunt was the same as me, she lived to 94, once she told me she died a thousand deaths, because like us she thought every time she had something it had to be terminal. The funny thing is as afraid of dying as she was at the end of her life she actually willed herself to die. Her husband had passed unexpectedly and she just didn't want to go on, I found that ironic since that was her biggest fear. Her health wasn't that bad and her sister tried to get her to come live by her, she just didn't want to live anymore. Don't avoid doctors all together, women need their yearly exams, not everything has to turn out bad. Don't waste your life worrying, get help now I wish I would have early on. Good luck!
I read threads online all the time and get abit of comfort when someone openly asks the same question as I have in mind, like when you realise you aren't the only person in your class who didn't do their homework.
I can relate to all of these comments though, & I'm so glad it's not just me!
I had my first son young and while that had no health complications in itself around 6 months down the line I found myself separating from his father and becoming a single mum.. About 2 years later we discovered my son had some of his own problems with speech and language which still very much continues now (although he has come on amazingly!!) and I think that's when this whole thing started.
The thought of leaving my little boy scared me more than anything in the world because although we have a great family supporting us nobody understood him like I did! He would need me protecting him from all the bad people in the world and if I wasn't around who could make sure 100% nothing happened to him- and then would he live a terrible life not knowing how much I loved him??
It got to a stage where I would lay awake until at least 4am crying to friends or just to myself .
I would convince myself I'd found a lump or had been having headaches ect and the ONE thing it comes down to is the big C, it's Cancer every single time.
It's always there on my mind. Sometimes I move on from it a little but I'll always go back to it being terminal & devastating for my son.
If I have a pain somewhere on my body my mind clings on to it.. Poking or feeling that area, googling the symptoms and actually probably making the area sore by doing so.
After quite a long time on my own (my boy is 6 in Dec and I'm 24 now) I met my new partner , he is wonderful. We are engaged with a 2 month old baby girl, but after she was born my obsession with cancer became even worse!
Now I had two angels I was scared of being without me!
Straight after my c-section I wanted out of the hospital getting out of bed the same day and doing things trying to get discharged early.
They saw I was coping so sent me home , all was fine until about a month ago it started really playing havoc with my mind to a point where I didn't want to leave the house, I'd tell my son through teary eyes how much I love him & so on because I'd convinced myself i was going to die and they would be without me.
In the last maybe 10 months I have self diagnosed myself with so many different types of cancer, it ranges from a new mole , abit of dry skin , stomach cramps, sore breasts , a headache or even being over tired! All of it was cancer in my head. I'd obsess over the same area for days until my mind found somewhere else and then I'd forget about the old thing and start with the new one! I'm exhausted from it all.
As great as my partner is he cannot get his mind around my way of thinking and gets quite annoyed when I try and tell him how I'm feeling , I understand that in a way because how can he understand ? Why would he?
Unlike most hypochondriacs I'm too scared to go to a doctor... It takes ALOT for me to step foot in the place unless it's for the children.
The thought of them delivering bad news is my worst nightmare I just can't even think about it!
I do however think I know why I feel like this,
My Mum is a health freak often obsessing about illness herself as we were growing up, she was scared too that she would be ill and leave me and my siblings without someone to love and protect us so every day it was hammered into us what we should and shouldn't eat that X Y & Z would make us Ill or caused cancer .
She would and still does research all this stuff and feed the information back to me.
I tell her I don't care and to stop trying to worry me but it all sticks in my mind even though i appear to shrug it off.
8 people in my family have had cancer (somehow non of them blood related except one- due to adoption & marriage ect ) some have survived some haven't , starting with my grandad dying when I was around 13 of it.
So I do know that there are probably valid reasons I feel like I do but I need it to stop!
I need some control over my life again and my emotions, I am a bubbly energetic person who is on the outside always laughing and happy.
I really need help in controlling this.
If you got to the end of this I'm impressed :) thank you for reading & I am SO glad I'm not alone with all this!
-Rosie xx
I can relate to all of these comments though, & I'm so glad it's not just me!
I had my first son young and while that had no health complications in itself around 6 months down the line I found myself separating from his father and becoming a single mum.. About 2 years later we discovered my son had some of his own problems with speech and language which still very much continues now (although he has come on amazingly!!) and I think that's when this whole thing started.
The thought of leaving my little boy scared me more than anything in the world because although we have a great family supporting us nobody understood him like I did! He would need me protecting him from all the bad people in the world and if I wasn't around who could make sure 100% nothing happened to him- and then would he live a terrible life not knowing how much I loved him??
It got to a stage where I would lay awake until at least 4am crying to friends or just to myself .
I would convince myself I'd found a lump or had been having headaches ect and the ONE thing it comes down to is the big C, it's Cancer every single time.
It's always there on my mind. Sometimes I move on from it a little but I'll always go back to it being terminal & devastating for my son.
If I have a pain somewhere on my body my mind clings on to it.. Poking or feeling that area, googling the symptoms and actually probably making the area sore by doing so.
After quite a long time on my own (my boy is 6 in Dec and I'm 24 now) I met my new partner , he is wonderful. We are engaged with a 2 month old baby girl, but after she was born my obsession with cancer became even worse!
Now I had two angels I was scared of being without me!
Straight after my c-section I wanted out of the hospital getting out of bed the same day and doing things trying to get discharged early.
They saw I was coping so sent me home , all was fine until about a month ago it started really playing havoc with my mind to a point where I didn't want to leave the house, I'd tell my son through teary eyes how much I love him & so on because I'd convinced myself i was going to die and they would be without me.
In the last maybe 10 months I have self diagnosed myself with so many different types of cancer, it ranges from a new mole , abit of dry skin , stomach cramps, sore breasts , a headache or even being over tired! All of it was cancer in my head. I'd obsess over the same area for days until my mind found somewhere else and then I'd forget about the old thing and start with the new one! I'm exhausted from it all.
As great as my partner is he cannot get his mind around my way of thinking and gets quite annoyed when I try and tell him how I'm feeling , I understand that in a way because how can he understand ? Why would he?
Unlike most hypochondriacs I'm too scared to go to a doctor... It takes ALOT for me to step foot in the place unless it's for the children.
The thought of them delivering bad news is my worst nightmare I just can't even think about it!
I do however think I know why I feel like this,
My Mum is a health freak often obsessing about illness herself as we were growing up, she was scared too that she would be ill and leave me and my siblings without someone to love and protect us so every day it was hammered into us what we should and shouldn't eat that X Y & Z would make us Ill or caused cancer .
She would and still does research all this stuff and feed the information back to me.
I tell her I don't care and to stop trying to worry me but it all sticks in my mind even though i appear to shrug it off.
8 people in my family have had cancer (somehow non of them blood related except one- due to adoption & marriage ect ) some have survived some haven't , starting with my grandad dying when I was around 13 of it.
So I do know that there are probably valid reasons I feel like I do but I need it to stop!
I need some control over my life again and my emotions, I am a bubbly energetic person who is on the outside always laughing and happy.
I really need help in controlling this.
If you got to the end of this I'm impressed :) thank you for reading & I am SO glad I'm not alone with all this!
-Rosie xx
It's amazing that just by reading these posts, I'm feeling a little less stressed. In May if this year, I fell down a small flight of stairs...but managed to grab onto the railing and almost every muscle in my left abdomen felt torn. For the next two weeks, I felt this constant movement and pulling in my mid left abdomen. I was convinced a tumor was growing. Went to my dr and she poked me in between two ribs, I winced and she said, "there,..you have pulled your muscles". For weeks after, I had more and more anxiety as it was not going away. The pulling feeling stopped but a heavy feeling remained and my anxiety took me everywhere. It's always cancer. I always think it's going to be terminal cancer. I take acid reflux medication...but get myself so worked up with anxiety that it doesn't even keep the acid settled. My fear was always mental health issues as I have long lived the fear of being like my mentally ill parent. There is nothing easy about this at all. I, like you, fear leaving my two children behind. It's the single most terrifying part of all. My dr has referred me for a ct scan of my abdomen...so now I am waiting for that to happen and will live in knots awaiting the results. I have cried while looking at my children in fear of them losing me before they are adults. My best friend has been amazing and supportive listening to me be erratic. It's been 7 mos since I fell, I still have a strange sensation in my mid-abdomen. Massage therapist says it's a rib out of place and pulling on the muscles/nerve...I'm praying that there is a simple answer and can get past this. Thank you for these posts...they have settled my irrational fear for a bit longer!
I'm really late replying to this, but I just wanted to chime in and say that I relate to all of you. I am a 37-year-old wife and mom to three kids. And my hypochondria has certainly gotten worse since I've been a mother. I obsess about not being around for my kids, about dying some terrible, debilitating death right before their eyes. About living my last days in fear and horror. I know that sounds so doom and gloom, but it consumes me.
My hypochondria started when I was around 20 years old, and my college roommate and I unfortunately watched some movie about Annette Funicello getting MS. I had never before obsessed about my health and had, in fact, always felt like a very healthy and energetic individual. No prior health issues. Had a happy, extremely healthy childhood and had not witnessed any close relatives die from anything. But after I watched this movie and the terror Annette went through, it struck a chord in the depths of my mind from which I've never recovered.
Shortly after watching that movie, I began thinking I had MS symptoms. I obsessed about everything. I called my mom crying. I sat in my college duplex alone in my room crying. I suffered in silence, except for God and my mother. Poor mom probably hated picking up the phone when I called!
Over the years since then, I have had ups and downs. I've gone months and maybe even a year or two at a time without a flare-up of health anxiety. But I have also had severe bouts of it: I've cried and worried countless times about the MS thing, and I've thought I certainly had melanoma, lymphoma, ALS, Parkinson's, a brain tumor, hypothyroidism, hyperthyroidism, and most recently, colon cancer. A bout of constipation set that one off... basically ruined my vacation to Florida. I sat on the beautiful emerald beach and basically convinced myself I was dying and that was the last vacation with my kids. I lay in the hotel room thinking of what I'd say in my last letters to my loved ones. Still am not over the colon cancer thing because I have this weird little pain in my upper left abdomen that I'm convinced is the tumor growing.
I pray and pray, and I talk to my husband, mom and two sisters (all four are my best friends). They think I'm absolutely ridiculous, but usually listen to my emotional flare-ups and fears, and try their best to calm me. Only my husband has finally "fussed" at me and said he was sick of my stinkin' hypochondria. Think is, I know I must be a frustrating person to be around when I'm obsessing about my latest illness, but I just cannot seem to help it.
Last summer, I went through the scariest, darkest time of my life regarding hypochondria. It was so bad that I cried every day for two months, convinced that I was embarking upon a debilitating, sorrowful, horrible death from ALS or MS. Because of a few muscle twitches, I promise you, I was 100% convinced that my time had come and my days were severely limited. I sat in my closet almost every day and bawled like a baby. I even had a panic attack in the shower one morning where I cried so hard that I couldn't breathe. I begged God for mercy every day.
I saw my general practitioner and ended up not being able to get through the visit without crying to him. I was so embarrassed, but he was kind. He did a few reflex tests and asked some questions, but I could tell he thought I was a kook. He told me that he truly did not think I had MS or ALS, but that he thought I should see a neurologist only because he felt that, due to my severe anxiety, I would go home and not really believe him ... that I needed to hear it from a neurologist to experience relief from my fears. He set me up with a highly-recommended neurologist in town, but it took almost two months to get me in. Those two months waiting were hell.
Finally, my sister strongly suggested that I contact a cognitive behavioral therapist. I found a Christian one in the area and went to him twice. He helped me a lot during those two visits, but since they cost $120 per visit, I just couldn't afford it again. My health insurance doesn't cover that. But he did recommend a book that really did help take the edge off: "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" by Dale Carnegie. Highly recommend that one.
Anyway, had the appointment with the neurologist (who was fantastic), and she pulled her chair straight up to mine and got in my face, eye to eye. She said, "YOU. DO. NOT. HAVE. MS OR ALS. You DO NOT have those diseases." And she said, "Do you believe me? If not, I'll do an MRI on your head and I'll PROVE it to you." She was kind when she said those words, but the thing that meant the most was that she was so darn confident when she said them. I went back to my car, got in and cried hard for 10 minutes. Thanking God and crying. It was like months of haunting and paralyzing and miserable anxiety had been sent out of my body, and the relief was overwhelming.
So... I was okay for a solid year. What a great year that was... until I got constipated a few weeks ago, and it seemed to linger longer than I would prefer... and so now I'm in a dark place with the whole "colon cancer" thing, and sadly, I'm beginning to think it's going to take a gastroenterologist to set me straight. I hope not. I'm praying and trying to get my mind balanced regarding this thought process... so far, it comes and goes... and I feel like I'm wobbly on the fence. I'm focused on every little thing I feel. And I keep thinking about what that wonderful neurologist said to me: "You have GOT to stop focusing on every little thing you feel. Everyone feels twitches and little pains and those are normal parts of having physical body. If it's something abnormal, it'll usually present itself in a much more profound way." ... then she actually kindly suggested I look into yoga.
Anyway, sorry so long, but I just relate to you all so much. I don't know what the answer is, but I know Jesus is a great comfort to me first and foremost. He has definitely placed people in my life who listen to me, comfort me, and help me. That's been wonderful for me.
Oh, and every now and then, I take a small dose of Xanax. Works wonders, though I don't recommend it often.
Oh, and I'm an RN... I can't figure out if being a healthcare professional "helps" or "hurts" my anxiety. Knowledge can be a scary thing.
God bless you all. Hopefully we all will experience peace and relief from our health anxiety.
My hypochondria started when I was around 20 years old, and my college roommate and I unfortunately watched some movie about Annette Funicello getting MS. I had never before obsessed about my health and had, in fact, always felt like a very healthy and energetic individual. No prior health issues. Had a happy, extremely healthy childhood and had not witnessed any close relatives die from anything. But after I watched this movie and the terror Annette went through, it struck a chord in the depths of my mind from which I've never recovered.
Shortly after watching that movie, I began thinking I had MS symptoms. I obsessed about everything. I called my mom crying. I sat in my college duplex alone in my room crying. I suffered in silence, except for God and my mother. Poor mom probably hated picking up the phone when I called!
Over the years since then, I have had ups and downs. I've gone months and maybe even a year or two at a time without a flare-up of health anxiety. But I have also had severe bouts of it: I've cried and worried countless times about the MS thing, and I've thought I certainly had melanoma, lymphoma, ALS, Parkinson's, a brain tumor, hypothyroidism, hyperthyroidism, and most recently, colon cancer. A bout of constipation set that one off... basically ruined my vacation to Florida. I sat on the beautiful emerald beach and basically convinced myself I was dying and that was the last vacation with my kids. I lay in the hotel room thinking of what I'd say in my last letters to my loved ones. Still am not over the colon cancer thing because I have this weird little pain in my upper left abdomen that I'm convinced is the tumor growing.
I pray and pray, and I talk to my husband, mom and two sisters (all four are my best friends). They think I'm absolutely ridiculous, but usually listen to my emotional flare-ups and fears, and try their best to calm me. Only my husband has finally "fussed" at me and said he was sick of my stinkin' hypochondria. Think is, I know I must be a frustrating person to be around when I'm obsessing about my latest illness, but I just cannot seem to help it.
Last summer, I went through the scariest, darkest time of my life regarding hypochondria. It was so bad that I cried every day for two months, convinced that I was embarking upon a debilitating, sorrowful, horrible death from ALS or MS. Because of a few muscle twitches, I promise you, I was 100% convinced that my time had come and my days were severely limited. I sat in my closet almost every day and bawled like a baby. I even had a panic attack in the shower one morning where I cried so hard that I couldn't breathe. I begged God for mercy every day.
I saw my general practitioner and ended up not being able to get through the visit without crying to him. I was so embarrassed, but he was kind. He did a few reflex tests and asked some questions, but I could tell he thought I was a kook. He told me that he truly did not think I had MS or ALS, but that he thought I should see a neurologist only because he felt that, due to my severe anxiety, I would go home and not really believe him ... that I needed to hear it from a neurologist to experience relief from my fears. He set me up with a highly-recommended neurologist in town, but it took almost two months to get me in. Those two months waiting were hell.
Finally, my sister strongly suggested that I contact a cognitive behavioral therapist. I found a Christian one in the area and went to him twice. He helped me a lot during those two visits, but since they cost $120 per visit, I just couldn't afford it again. My health insurance doesn't cover that. But he did recommend a book that really did help take the edge off: "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" by Dale Carnegie. Highly recommend that one.
Anyway, had the appointment with the neurologist (who was fantastic), and she pulled her chair straight up to mine and got in my face, eye to eye. She said, "YOU. DO. NOT. HAVE. MS OR ALS. You DO NOT have those diseases." And she said, "Do you believe me? If not, I'll do an MRI on your head and I'll PROVE it to you." She was kind when she said those words, but the thing that meant the most was that she was so darn confident when she said them. I went back to my car, got in and cried hard for 10 minutes. Thanking God and crying. It was like months of haunting and paralyzing and miserable anxiety had been sent out of my body, and the relief was overwhelming.
So... I was okay for a solid year. What a great year that was... until I got constipated a few weeks ago, and it seemed to linger longer than I would prefer... and so now I'm in a dark place with the whole "colon cancer" thing, and sadly, I'm beginning to think it's going to take a gastroenterologist to set me straight. I hope not. I'm praying and trying to get my mind balanced regarding this thought process... so far, it comes and goes... and I feel like I'm wobbly on the fence. I'm focused on every little thing I feel. And I keep thinking about what that wonderful neurologist said to me: "You have GOT to stop focusing on every little thing you feel. Everyone feels twitches and little pains and those are normal parts of having physical body. If it's something abnormal, it'll usually present itself in a much more profound way." ... then she actually kindly suggested I look into yoga.
Anyway, sorry so long, but I just relate to you all so much. I don't know what the answer is, but I know Jesus is a great comfort to me first and foremost. He has definitely placed people in my life who listen to me, comfort me, and help me. That's been wonderful for me.
Oh, and every now and then, I take a small dose of Xanax. Works wonders, though I don't recommend it often.
Oh, and I'm an RN... I can't figure out if being a healthcare professional "helps" or "hurts" my anxiety. Knowledge can be a scary thing.
God bless you all. Hopefully we all will experience peace and relief from our health anxiety.
I never chime in on these forums but I just randomly googled 'hypochondria is ruining my life' and this popped up.
I can relate to the original post in that I also have three small kids (the oldest is turning 4 in a month and the youngest is 5 months). I'm curious if having SO much responsibility on our shoulders is fueling our anxieties. I have never been a hypochondriac before!
Also, I can relate in that I also have a weird lump in my mouth, where under my tongue and guns meet. Get this, my husband is a dentist in an advanced Air Force dental residency (his second one), he is nothing short of brilliant and has taken several courses in pathology along with his clinical experience. Just last night I had him feeling all over my bump again even as he reassured me a million times over it feels 'normal'. EVen me, a (new) hypochondriac married to a brilliant dentist, I can't just take his word for it!!! I've been having him explain to me in depth what it could be...just a lymphnode that is bigger for whatever reason...but I just have such a hard time taking his word for it.
I had a mole removed that I was convinced was melanoma...no, it was just a weird (two in one) mole...I so thought I was a goner on that one! Of course I still freak out all of the other hundreds of moles I still have!
This all began from two instances...first was that we were stationed in japan during the 2011 9.0 quake/tsunami/nuclear meltdown and this year my grandmother died of ovarian cancer....and now my favorite aunt has bone narrow cancer.
I believe all of these things (PTSD from quake) is fueling my psychological instability. Small kids, PTSD, losing loved ones to cancer....it's just all SO heavy and I guess clinging to these symptoms and what ifs is our way of controlling something so uncontrollable.
I just want to stop! I'm working on looking at it from an outsiders point if view.
I can relate to the original post in that I also have three small kids (the oldest is turning 4 in a month and the youngest is 5 months). I'm curious if having SO much responsibility on our shoulders is fueling our anxieties. I have never been a hypochondriac before!
Also, I can relate in that I also have a weird lump in my mouth, where under my tongue and guns meet. Get this, my husband is a dentist in an advanced Air Force dental residency (his second one), he is nothing short of brilliant and has taken several courses in pathology along with his clinical experience. Just last night I had him feeling all over my bump again even as he reassured me a million times over it feels 'normal'. EVen me, a (new) hypochondriac married to a brilliant dentist, I can't just take his word for it!!! I've been having him explain to me in depth what it could be...just a lymphnode that is bigger for whatever reason...but I just have such a hard time taking his word for it.
I had a mole removed that I was convinced was melanoma...no, it was just a weird (two in one) mole...I so thought I was a goner on that one! Of course I still freak out all of the other hundreds of moles I still have!
This all began from two instances...first was that we were stationed in japan during the 2011 9.0 quake/tsunami/nuclear meltdown and this year my grandmother died of ovarian cancer....and now my favorite aunt has bone narrow cancer.
I believe all of these things (PTSD from quake) is fueling my psychological instability. Small kids, PTSD, losing loved ones to cancer....it's just all SO heavy and I guess clinging to these symptoms and what ifs is our way of controlling something so uncontrollable.
I just want to stop! I'm working on looking at it from an outsiders point if view.
Yes! it does come in waves and it's literally the worst place in the world to be. A living nightmare is exactly what i'd call it! i never used to be like this and i cant believe i'm "that" person. i do pray, i pray constantly that god knows heaven is a place i want to go someday when i'm old, but to please keep me here for my babies and to keep me healthy for many years to come. My hubby is used to my "oh my gosh i need to see a doctor now!" moments...but he does get annoyed. heck i spose i would too! and you are so right, OCD is right on. I am OBSESSED with my health condition and sometimes cry because i know i'm a crazy lady and it truely just *****! My biggest mistake IS Dr. Google, hands down. I currently am still trying to accept that my little bump on the roof of my mouth is truely nothing. How long before i can accept it? well we'll see! but again...thank you from the bottom of my heart! not only did your words help me through my day but i will always look back on this post whenever i get an "oh no!" moment and breathe a lil sigh of relief :-) you dont know how much i really appreciate the fact that you actually took the time to just listen!
PS - They say health anxiety is a form of OCD, we obssess and are compulsive. It makes a lot of sense doesn't it? We can think of nothing other then our current health condition... Its overwhelming and consuming. So many times SSRIs that treat such things as OCD truly do help with the hypochondria. I think you will see a difference if you give it a shot!!
Truly is my pleasure! When I read your post my heart went out to you because I have been in your shoes so many times. And No, our families don't understand because they don't have this horrible thought pattern that we do. Being rational is NOT in our vocabulary LOL! When I started feeling this stomach pain I told my hubby that maybe its some sort of stomach cancer (and yes, I even kind of giggled when I said it)... he just laughed and said "yup, that is sooo you!" He is used to my mind "going there." But most of the time, its hard to laugh it off if not impossible. Its constant and persistant and is a living breathing nightmare!
Yup, you probably will still worry a bit, it always takes me time to get over the issue once a doc has given me the ok. I go through stages of "what if they missed something, what if its more" etc then I get to the acceptance part that hey, I really am ok. Doesn't mean it won't pop up again later and scare me but at least I find some temporary peace.
Health anxiety comes in waves for most of us. A period of peace and a period of panic. Can last weeks or months or days.
You are going to be with your babies for a long long time to come, they aren't losing their momma any time soon :) If you are a spiritual person, praying helped me A LOT as well, to give the anxiety up to God can really help.
Yup, you probably will still worry a bit, it always takes me time to get over the issue once a doc has given me the ok. I go through stages of "what if they missed something, what if its more" etc then I get to the acceptance part that hey, I really am ok. Doesn't mean it won't pop up again later and scare me but at least I find some temporary peace.
Health anxiety comes in waves for most of us. A period of peace and a period of panic. Can last weeks or months or days.
You are going to be with your babies for a long long time to come, they aren't losing their momma any time soon :) If you are a spiritual person, praying helped me A LOT as well, to give the anxiety up to God can really help.
Thank you so much for the kind words! i feel so much better knowing i am not alone! it actually made me smile just seeing "you are fine!!!" i am so down in the dumppers over this. you are right...nobody can take care of our babies like us (moms). and that is my main fear...leaving them. i still will most likely worry but i cant tell you how much i appreciate your response. its so good to talk to somebody who understands me! my family thinks im crazy..they dont understand because they havent been "here" in the scary place im at right now. so thank you thank you thank you! i was going to try prozac. i hope it helps and hope i get through this sooner than later. thanks again!
My original experience with anxiety and panic was with concerns about my health. I believe that it is quite common in this forum. Mine dealt with heart health. No matter what the docs and tests said, I would assume that every little 'symptom' or feeling that I felt was something catastrophically wrong with me. If I became okay with one symptom, another would come to take its place and then circle back to the original issues....it can be a difficult cycle to overcome, especially in the beginning.
The good thing is that many of us can relate to what you are experiencing because we have gone through it in one form or another. Anxiety is very powerful and it does take understanding and patience to confront it. Do you have access to counseling? For me, the knowledge that I gained through counseling helped me to confront and deal with the anxiety quite effectively. As will any subject, I believe we tend to fear things we do not understand and the first time I exprienced a panic attack I did not have a clue what was happening to me, but with time and understanding of what it is, it helped me to confront it.
The good thing is that many of us can relate to what you are experiencing because we have gone through it in one form or another. Anxiety is very powerful and it does take understanding and patience to confront it. Do you have access to counseling? For me, the knowledge that I gained through counseling helped me to confront and deal with the anxiety quite effectively. As will any subject, I believe we tend to fear things we do not understand and the first time I exprienced a panic attack I did not have a clue what was happening to me, but with time and understanding of what it is, it helped me to confront it.
First let me say that I can totally relate. I started with panic and anxiety attacks but have for the past 6 years also suffered with Health Anxiety. Severe health anxiety at that. I do take Zoloft which helps but I am thankful to have a primary care doctor who knows my anxiety and is good at not only giving reassurance but digging into issues if she feels its really necessary. I am going through a bought of really painful stomach for the past 5 days and am going to see her in 2 days for some guidance.
I have had so many tests and procedures for my different "health issues," and my concern always comes back to cancer. No matter what, I think its some kind of cancer that is making these symptoms happen. It doesn't help when you look it up online and the first thing every site says is "possible cancer" etc. Dr. Google is our worse enemy.
You have to remember, your docs are trained on what to look for. They know what it could and could not be. They aren't concerned which means it really is ok. Doctors do not take chances with this kind of stuff. If they have even the slightest doubt, they send you out for testing.
I have a small lump on my jaw below my gumline, I did the same thing, went to my dentist then a maxillofacial doc who both said it was nothing. But until I could get my appointment, I was a hot mess!
And I also have 3 kids and I think about what would happen if they lost me? How would they survive, no one can take care of our babies like we can. I would also always think (and still at times do) that I am going to be that super odd case, the 1 in a trillion to get this rare incurable disease.
I really do know what you are feeling my friend!
But YOU ARE FINE!!! :)
Do you take any kind of medication to help? Do you have a xanax or something that can help calm the racing thoughts? How about therapy, imagery or meditation / Yoga. It can help SO MUCH.
I have had so many tests and procedures for my different "health issues," and my concern always comes back to cancer. No matter what, I think its some kind of cancer that is making these symptoms happen. It doesn't help when you look it up online and the first thing every site says is "possible cancer" etc. Dr. Google is our worse enemy.
You have to remember, your docs are trained on what to look for. They know what it could and could not be. They aren't concerned which means it really is ok. Doctors do not take chances with this kind of stuff. If they have even the slightest doubt, they send you out for testing.
I have a small lump on my jaw below my gumline, I did the same thing, went to my dentist then a maxillofacial doc who both said it was nothing. But until I could get my appointment, I was a hot mess!
And I also have 3 kids and I think about what would happen if they lost me? How would they survive, no one can take care of our babies like we can. I would also always think (and still at times do) that I am going to be that super odd case, the 1 in a trillion to get this rare incurable disease.
I really do know what you are feeling my friend!
But YOU ARE FINE!!! :)
Do you take any kind of medication to help? Do you have a xanax or something that can help calm the racing thoughts? How about therapy, imagery or meditation / Yoga. It can help SO MUCH.
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