Anxiety is eating me alive......

hey everyone,

i posted on the HIV forum quite a bit but recently i've realized that anxiety is more likely my issue.  im serving in the military and have been deployed for 5 months this year, 1 more to go till im home.  its been a rough deployment and ive had quite a bit go on.  my wife left me a few months back, and because of that ive kinda been living the single man lifestyle that i thought i was missing out on lol.  well in the Philippines i slept with a Commercial sex worker and sometime during the sex my condom came off, either when i pulled out or because i tried to go for round 2 with the same rubber on (i was quite drunk and definatly not thinking clearly).  ever since then ive somehow convinced myself i have HIV.  everytime i see something on my body or get a stomach ache or head ache, i assume its from HIV.  i cant get a test because the military only does them bi-anually now, and ive had mine already earlier this year, and i cant get a civilian test till the deployment is over.  everytime something good comes my way the anxiety just gets worse, for example i got a job in TN for when im out, and after finding out about it, all i could think was whether they would let me work there or not if i was HIV+.  also ive been talking to this girl back home, and the better things go with her the more i think about the HIV.  its so ridiculous because everything ive read says that HIV is rarely passed from female to male, yet somehow ive still convinced myself of it.  i actually dont know what to expect in a reply from anyone, just hoping maybe somebody can set myself straight, i havent slept in about 4 days, which isnt good especially for my line of work.  thank again for any support.

[greenlydia]

First let me say how proud I am of you serving our country and I pray you and all our troops come home safe.
Next I'll say how sorry I am your wife chose to leave you while you are deployed. I'll keep my opinion of her to myself.
Now I'll say that you need to relax. Much easier said than done, I realize that, not only because of your HIV fear, but because of where you are. I refer to the HIV primarily.
Is there a chaplin you can talk to? Doesn't matter if you're religious or not, military chaplins are trained to deal with much more then theological issues. And you are most certainly not the only GI who has gone to a CSW and has the same worries as you.
If you have been to our HIV Forum and are now with us on the Anxiety Forum, I imagine you may have asked one question too many...........what you have is not just anxiety but very specifically HIV ANXIETY. We have a forum for that as well and I would suggest you talk to the folks over there.
I don't know how long it's been since you were with the CSW, but you cannot get a conclusive HIV test result until three (3) months post exposure. Since you are going to be home in one month, do your best to set this worry aside, and again, I DO realize how difficult that will be, but your life and those of your friends may depend on you being focused.
You also talk about this job you have lined up and how they may not want you if you're HIV+ And this gal you've been writing to, you're worried about her. You must stop building bridges or you'll drive yourself crazy. As soon as you get back to the world, get to a doctor or clinic and get tested. Then you can get on with your life which I'm about 100% certain will be HIV free. Please get educated about HIV as your assumption that it is rarely passed from women to men is wrong.
Stay safe and God bless
Peace
Greenlydia

[BigDawg88]

well if the assumption of it being rarely passed from women to man is wrong, then how can u be so certain that i would be HIV free.....?  

[BigDawg88]

also i cant seem to find this HIV ANXIETY Forum...... I was looking for it on the forums list but dont see it.