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Anxiety tied to girlfriend
I'm dealing with some anxiety and I'm not entirely certain what its source is.
I don't have a history of anxiety or depression in my life. In the past I've always handled stress very well. I consider myself pretty healthy, smart, and attractive, and recently started dating a girl who has brought nothing but good into my life. We balance each other out very well; Im somewhat pessimistic and reserved, and she's very optimistic and outgoing. We have a great mix of common interests and differences that keeps things interesting and our chemistry is awesome. I love her more than anything, and she's always been there for me.
That being said, about 4 days ago we had a small argument over creationism in schools. We have differing opinions on religion, but neither of us are firmly set in our beliefs or really know what we believe. Despite this, that argument triggered a massive bout of anxiety. For days now my stomach has been in a knot about it. When I'm not around her, the anxiety just hovers around, I dont want to eat, I dread being alone with my thoughts, I have no drive to get out and do anything (Whereas normally Im an obsessively productive person), but when I see her or think about her, the anxiety sort of spikes. There is just a twinge of anxiety and nausea whenever I think about her, or see things that make me think about her.
The thing is, while she is the trigger, she's not the problem. There are no problems in our relationship, I still want her around (Ive been in a situation where I dont love someone anymore, and theres that disconnection and wanting to be away from them) and this isn't that. Despite that she triggers the anxiety Im still strongest around her. I love her and can't imagine being without her. I can't pinpoint WHAT is actually the thought that provokes the anxiety. I don't think she's going to cheat on me, I trust her, I dont have any specific worries about us, and I want to be with her. However, its difficult to be around her when she triggers the anxiety. I have no sexual drive anymore, I can't eat, and when I do its in small, small portions with a great deal of nausea, and its impossible for me to focus on work.
I guess what I want to know is if anyone has any advice on fixing or managing this?
I had anxiety once before, last year, when I broke up with my last girlfriend, and then had second thoughts about that. I tried to patch things up with her for awhile and the whole time I was panicked about losing her for good, but this anxiety was targeted. I knew what was causing it and could ignore or focus on the problem as I needed to.
Now, I have no idea what the actual source is. Our differences in religion dont bother me, both of my past relationships were the same way and that never bothered me. We have very similar values and interests and have been incredibly happy together.
I do not know what to do, but I can't lose what I've got.
I went to a clinic today and got some anti-anxiety meds today to stop the panic/anxiety attacks until I can get this figured out.
Please help.
I don't have a history of anxiety or depression in my life. In the past I've always handled stress very well. I consider myself pretty healthy, smart, and attractive, and recently started dating a girl who has brought nothing but good into my life. We balance each other out very well; Im somewhat pessimistic and reserved, and she's very optimistic and outgoing. We have a great mix of common interests and differences that keeps things interesting and our chemistry is awesome. I love her more than anything, and she's always been there for me.
That being said, about 4 days ago we had a small argument over creationism in schools. We have differing opinions on religion, but neither of us are firmly set in our beliefs or really know what we believe. Despite this, that argument triggered a massive bout of anxiety. For days now my stomach has been in a knot about it. When I'm not around her, the anxiety just hovers around, I dont want to eat, I dread being alone with my thoughts, I have no drive to get out and do anything (Whereas normally Im an obsessively productive person), but when I see her or think about her, the anxiety sort of spikes. There is just a twinge of anxiety and nausea whenever I think about her, or see things that make me think about her.
The thing is, while she is the trigger, she's not the problem. There are no problems in our relationship, I still want her around (Ive been in a situation where I dont love someone anymore, and theres that disconnection and wanting to be away from them) and this isn't that. Despite that she triggers the anxiety Im still strongest around her. I love her and can't imagine being without her. I can't pinpoint WHAT is actually the thought that provokes the anxiety. I don't think she's going to cheat on me, I trust her, I dont have any specific worries about us, and I want to be with her. However, its difficult to be around her when she triggers the anxiety. I have no sexual drive anymore, I can't eat, and when I do its in small, small portions with a great deal of nausea, and its impossible for me to focus on work.
I guess what I want to know is if anyone has any advice on fixing or managing this?
I had anxiety once before, last year, when I broke up with my last girlfriend, and then had second thoughts about that. I tried to patch things up with her for awhile and the whole time I was panicked about losing her for good, but this anxiety was targeted. I knew what was causing it and could ignore or focus on the problem as I needed to.
Now, I have no idea what the actual source is. Our differences in religion dont bother me, both of my past relationships were the same way and that never bothered me. We have very similar values and interests and have been incredibly happy together.
I do not know what to do, but I can't lose what I've got.
I went to a clinic today and got some anti-anxiety meds today to stop the panic/anxiety attacks until I can get this figured out.
Please help.
Ive already got a therpist lined up to talk to and I really hope that helps. Im on an anti-anxiety med that definitely takes the edge off, but I can still feel the fear and anxiety, like its under a blanket. I love this girl, and I can't even imagine breaking up with her, but I can't live like this much longer.
I remember when I broke up with my last girlfriend, it wasnt long before I wanted to have the moments with her back, like, I'd remember how we used to just lay on the couch with crappy Hamburger Helper and watch TV, and I'd long for that again.
The weird thing is, Im experiencing that now, with stuff my girlfriend and I just did a week ago, like I remember when we buckled down and played through a coop video game together, and it was a blast, and we just cuddled and enjoyed each other, and even though I still have that and could invite her over now and do all of that again, it feels like its something I've lost because of how the anxiety is affecting me and my feelings towards h er.
I remember when I broke up with my last girlfriend, it wasnt long before I wanted to have the moments with her back, like, I'd remember how we used to just lay on the couch with crappy Hamburger Helper and watch TV, and I'd long for that again.
The weird thing is, Im experiencing that now, with stuff my girlfriend and I just did a week ago, like I remember when we buckled down and played through a coop video game together, and it was a blast, and we just cuddled and enjoyed each other, and even though I still have that and could invite her over now and do all of that again, it feels like its something I've lost because of how the anxiety is affecting me and my feelings towards h er.
Ya know, I'd just tell her you have anxiety and leave it at that for now. Save the discussion for a therapist as to what exactly is causing it. And remember, you are focusing on her but the anxiety probably would still exist. You may just be prone to anxiety. So, talk to a psychiatrist/doctor about a long term option for medication as well as doing talk therapy either with a psychiatrist or psychologist/therapist. That combination may help you and then you do not have to burden your girlfriend with the anxiety when she innocently is the focus of it but probably not really the cause.
good luck
good luck
Thanks for the information. Alot of the things you've suggested Ive been hearing from other sources as well, and am already on top of trying to find a counselor or psychiatrist to start some therapy. The medication has made the anxiety tolerable but it is definitely still there, so I'd like to get the root of the problem eliminated. Its just tough to discuss the problem with my girlfriend since she IS the trigger. I dont blame her for it or anything, but I know it would hurt her so much to know that the anxiety flares up when Im around her. The funny thing is, I still love being around her, and Im strongest with her.
Hi there and welcome. Well, the funny thing about anxiety is we can be anxious about something and you are right, it makes no rhyme or reason. That is because anxiety will spill over to anything regardless if it is warranted or not. People can be anxious about nothing at all in terms of concrete reasons. As anxiety is a mental health issue, it often isn't reasonable.
In my opinion, the best thing to do is go ahead and treat the anxiety. Just as you would if you were anxious about work, your health, etc. You do the best that you can in these areas but still can be anxious. So, you treat the anxiety because it isn't really those areas that are the problem BUT the anxiety instead.
Have you seen a doctor at this point to discuss this? Nowadays, they make antidepressants that are fairly easy to take and do a good job. There are many for you and your doctor to consider as a best match for you. If your symptoms are such that they spill over to your every day life, then it is time to get to the root of the problem. There is much evidence that anxiety is chemical in nature and by righting our brain's chemicals, we treat the issue. Others believe that it is situational in nature. Maybe it is a combination of both and this could be the case with you. So, medication may be needed to get over this hump. Blah, just saw where you got some medication. Ha, that's what I get for reading your post in parts. Well, anyway, that is terrific. Hopefully it is a long acting medication and not something like Xanax or a controlled and acute care med. I'd try to give yourself 9 months to a year on a chronic care medication such as an SSRI or a SNRI (the paxils, zolofts, prozacs, effexors, lexapros, etc.).
Another thing that I would absolutely do is to begin some talk therapy. I can't say enough good things about this. It sounds like the issue is on your end rather than your girlfriend's. It helps to have open communication with her but YOU are trying to work some things out and you don't want her to think that the relationship is so fragile due to your overcoming your own anxiety. So, talk to her as needed for good communication but seek therapy to overcome the problem.
Talk therapy and medication is often the best way to conquer anxiety.
Fear of a relationship going bad is not uncommon but when we derail it ourselves from the fear, you are very smart and brave to work on this from the angle that you need help with the anxiety. good for you and hope it works out so that you have a long and great relationship with this woman. peace
In my opinion, the best thing to do is go ahead and treat the anxiety. Just as you would if you were anxious about work, your health, etc. You do the best that you can in these areas but still can be anxious. So, you treat the anxiety because it isn't really those areas that are the problem BUT the anxiety instead.
Have you seen a doctor at this point to discuss this? Nowadays, they make antidepressants that are fairly easy to take and do a good job. There are many for you and your doctor to consider as a best match for you. If your symptoms are such that they spill over to your every day life, then it is time to get to the root of the problem. There is much evidence that anxiety is chemical in nature and by righting our brain's chemicals, we treat the issue. Others believe that it is situational in nature. Maybe it is a combination of both and this could be the case with you. So, medication may be needed to get over this hump. Blah, just saw where you got some medication. Ha, that's what I get for reading your post in parts. Well, anyway, that is terrific. Hopefully it is a long acting medication and not something like Xanax or a controlled and acute care med. I'd try to give yourself 9 months to a year on a chronic care medication such as an SSRI or a SNRI (the paxils, zolofts, prozacs, effexors, lexapros, etc.).
Another thing that I would absolutely do is to begin some talk therapy. I can't say enough good things about this. It sounds like the issue is on your end rather than your girlfriend's. It helps to have open communication with her but YOU are trying to work some things out and you don't want her to think that the relationship is so fragile due to your overcoming your own anxiety. So, talk to her as needed for good communication but seek therapy to overcome the problem.
Talk therapy and medication is often the best way to conquer anxiety.
Fear of a relationship going bad is not uncommon but when we derail it ourselves from the fear, you are very smart and brave to work on this from the angle that you need help with the anxiety. good for you and hope it works out so that you have a long and great relationship with this woman. peace
I think you are afraid that because you argued, she may leave you, too. Or you are worried that she loves you less, or thinks less of you. I'm thinking that a good long private conversation with her about this and what your deal is would ease your mind greatly. - Blu
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