Aa
Anxiety
Can symptoms of anxiety last 24/7? The only relief I get is taking 1 xanax a day, but as soon as the xanax starts to wear off, I feel the symptoms come right back. Can anxiety get that bad?
Hi, I had this same issue when I first started having panic attacks. It was like i was stuck in a constant attack!! It was an awful feeling and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I thought I was going to die! I didn't want to get put on meds for mine and I fought it for a long time! Finally, I talked with my doctor and she put me on ZOLOFT! And I have to say, it is my "miracle drug". After about a month I noticed a huge difference!! And I have been on it for about 2 years now and haven't had a panic attack in a year!!! I still get nervous sometimes but nothing like it used to be. I highly reccomend you talk to your doctor about ZOLOFT.....it will change your life!!!!
goodluck!
goodluck!
Doh! old post! Sorry guys...getting back and I never took note of the date of the post.
I remember Bambi and if you're looking in today. I wish you well.
I remember Bambi and if you're looking in today. I wish you well.
Bamb, hi. I am sorry you're going thorough so much. Everyone here holds you in high esteem and wishes that everything turns out alright for you.
I haven't much to add only to say in relation to anxiety lasting 24/7
Well, it's crystal clear from eveyone else too. Yes it does.
I suffer with it so badly that my entire body becomes rigid. It's the most uncomfortable experience, there's a worse word but I'm withholdong it..lol.
I take 3 to 4 xanx a day and even though I feel no different than when I first started taking them many months ago, I guess, there must be some relief, however unnoticable
Thinking of you and wishing the best for you.
Declan
I haven't much to add only to say in relation to anxiety lasting 24/7
Well, it's crystal clear from eveyone else too. Yes it does.
I suffer with it so badly that my entire body becomes rigid. It's the most uncomfortable experience, there's a worse word but I'm withholdong it..lol.
I take 3 to 4 xanx a day and even though I feel no different than when I first started taking them many months ago, I guess, there must be some relief, however unnoticable
Thinking of you and wishing the best for you.
Declan
And start a new thread so you can get other peoples input, Ok? Everyone here is very supportive and helpful.
We can Personal Message each other here on the forum. Did you know that? Go to anyones profile and up in the right hand corner it says "send message." Click on that and send your message! I am going to invite you to be my friend, skyhag too, and I'll PM you real quick so you can see how it works. You'll probably get my message before you read this.
Sorry I didn't mean to post that one twice!!! Please check back with me after the 29th and best of luck to you and your husband with your issues. I don't want to lose touch with you either!! I enjoy hearing from you!!! It's ok if it gets full, we can start a new one!!!! We can always exchange email addressess!!!!
Bambi
Bambi
I've been smoking for about 10 yrs. and I know I need to quit. It would probably help me to feel better. Both of my parents smoked for over 20 yrs each and when they went to church and got saved, they both quit cold turkey. It would be nice to be able to get on a regular sleep schedule again though, so I don't sleep half of my day away and make me feel crappier when I get up so late. I have to force myself to do anything that means leaving the house. I dread the leaving the house part!! I went to eat with my dad and sister tonight and I got so sick, I couldn't eat. I had to come straight back home.
You've gotten out several times today then huh-went to the store and for a walk!!! I'm gonna try to go tomorrow and walk around my subdivision. I'm gonna try to walk for at least 30 mins at a time. At least with music, I can keep my mind off of my being outside and of my surroundings!!
I just REALLY hope this is gonna be the drs. appt where I will get the answers I have been looking for for so long. I am going to be soooo disappointed if this isn't it either.
It's crazy how many things you take for granted when you are healthy. Like getting ready to go out and actually leaving and shopping ALL day, going out to eat, camping, fishing, those things were never a problem. I was sooo active before this round of sickness. I was constantly on the go. Now, my daddy tells me I need to go out and do stuff as before he would have to ask me to stay home!!
I know pain is pain and you really can't say that yours wouldn't be any worse than the next because everyone grieves differently. Sometimes I just feel like people get tired of hearing me because I think that I'm worse off than them. I honestly don't feel that way, because I know that everyone who has lived has experienced some kind of hardship and grief that they have had to deal with-whether it be an animal, friend, family member. With your parents, you should thank God for giving them as much time on earth as they have had. Not to say it won't be hard when something happens, because it will. You and I have God on our side to help us make it through our battles with our health and whatever else comes along.
Girl, that's all I do is housework!!! I make up everyones bed, but eventually I do end up laying back in them. You remind me of my mother. She was soooo tired all the time. She would go to sleep at 2-3 am and be awake by 8-9 am. She was so worried about herself that she couldn't sleep. But when I woke up, she would say 'Ive been up since such and such time and I already made my bed and all." Just that alone was such an accomplishment in her eyes. So, there has not been a day go by that I haven't made her bed.
I think you and I are going to be ok. We have to keep our faith in God and when it comes our turn, we will get our healing!!!
Lets make sure we don't lose touch k!!!! As long as you keep responding, i'm gonna do the same!!
You've gotten out several times today then huh-went to the store and for a walk!!! I'm gonna try to go tomorrow and walk around my subdivision. I'm gonna try to walk for at least 30 mins at a time. At least with music, I can keep my mind off of my being outside and of my surroundings!!
I just REALLY hope this is gonna be the drs. appt where I will get the answers I have been looking for for so long. I am going to be soooo disappointed if this isn't it either.
It's crazy how many things you take for granted when you are healthy. Like getting ready to go out and actually leaving and shopping ALL day, going out to eat, camping, fishing, those things were never a problem. I was sooo active before this round of sickness. I was constantly on the go. Now, my daddy tells me I need to go out and do stuff as before he would have to ask me to stay home!!
I know pain is pain and you really can't say that yours wouldn't be any worse than the next because everyone grieves differently. Sometimes I just feel like people get tired of hearing me because I think that I'm worse off than them. I honestly don't feel that way, because I know that everyone who has lived has experienced some kind of hardship and grief that they have had to deal with-whether it be an animal, friend, family member. With your parents, you should thank God for giving them as much time on earth as they have had. Not to say it won't be hard when something happens, because it will. You and I have God on our side to help us make it through our battles with our health and whatever else comes along.
Girl, that's all I do is housework!!! I make up everyones bed, but eventually I do end up laying back in them. You remind me of my mother. She was soooo tired all the time. She would go to sleep at 2-3 am and be awake by 8-9 am. She was so worried about herself that she couldn't sleep. But when I woke up, she would say 'Ive been up since such and such time and I already made my bed and all." Just that alone was such an accomplishment in her eyes. So, there has not been a day go by that I haven't made her bed.
I think you and I are going to be ok. We have to keep our faith in God and when it comes our turn, we will get our healing!!!
Lets make sure we don't lose touch k!!!! As long as you keep responding, i'm gonna do the same!!
I've been smoking for about 10 yrs. and I know I need to quit. It would probably help me to feel better. Both of my parents smoked for over 20 yrs each and when they went to church and got saved, they both quit cold turkey. It would be nice to be able to get on a regular sleep schedule again though, so I don't sleep half of my day away and make me feel crappier when I get up so late. I have to force myself to do anything that means leaving the house. I dread the leaving the house part!! I went to eat with my dad and sister tonight and I got so sick, I couldn't eat. I had to come straight back home.
You've gotten out several times today then huh-went to the store and for a walk!!! I'm gonna try to go tomorrow and walk around my subdivision. I'm gonna try to walk for at least 30 mins at a time. At least with music, I can keep my mind off of my being outside and of my surroundings!!
I just REALLY hope this is gonna be the drs. appt where I will get the answers I have been looking for for so long. I am going to be soooo disappointed if this isn't it either.
It's crazy how many things you take for granted when you are healthy. Like getting ready to go out and actually leaving and shopping ALL day, going out to eat, camping, fishing, those things were never a problem. I was sooo active before this round of sickness. I was constantly on the go. Now, my daddy tells me I need to go out and do stuff as before he would have to ask me to stay home!!
I know pain is pain and you really can't say that yours wouldn't be any worse than the next because everyone grieves differently. Sometimes I just feel like people get tired of hearing me because I think that I'm worse off than them. I honestly don't feel that way, because I know that everyone who has lived has experienced some kind of hardship and grief that they have had to deal with-whether it be an animal, friend, family member. With your parents, you should thank God for giving them as much time on earth as they have had. Not to say it won't be hard when something happens, because it will. You and I have God on our side to help us make it through our battles with our health and whatever else comes along.
Girl, that's all I do is housework!!! I make up everyones bed, but eventually I do end up laying back in them. You remind me of my mother. She was soooo tired all the time. She would go to sleep at 2-3 am and be awake by 8-9 am. She was so worried about herself that she couldn't sleep. But when I woke up, she would say 'Ive been up since such and such time and I already made my bed and all." Just that alone was such an accomplishment in her eyes. So, there has not been a day go by that I haven't made her bed.
I think you and I are going to be ok. We have to keep our faith in God and when it comes our turn, we will get our healing!!!
Lets make sure we don't lose touch k!!!! As long as you keep responding, i'm gonna do the same!!
You've gotten out several times today then huh-went to the store and for a walk!!! I'm gonna try to go tomorrow and walk around my subdivision. I'm gonna try to walk for at least 30 mins at a time. At least with music, I can keep my mind off of my being outside and of my surroundings!!
I just REALLY hope this is gonna be the drs. appt where I will get the answers I have been looking for for so long. I am going to be soooo disappointed if this isn't it either.
It's crazy how many things you take for granted when you are healthy. Like getting ready to go out and actually leaving and shopping ALL day, going out to eat, camping, fishing, those things were never a problem. I was sooo active before this round of sickness. I was constantly on the go. Now, my daddy tells me I need to go out and do stuff as before he would have to ask me to stay home!!
I know pain is pain and you really can't say that yours wouldn't be any worse than the next because everyone grieves differently. Sometimes I just feel like people get tired of hearing me because I think that I'm worse off than them. I honestly don't feel that way, because I know that everyone who has lived has experienced some kind of hardship and grief that they have had to deal with-whether it be an animal, friend, family member. With your parents, you should thank God for giving them as much time on earth as they have had. Not to say it won't be hard when something happens, because it will. You and I have God on our side to help us make it through our battles with our health and whatever else comes along.
Girl, that's all I do is housework!!! I make up everyones bed, but eventually I do end up laying back in them. You remind me of my mother. She was soooo tired all the time. She would go to sleep at 2-3 am and be awake by 8-9 am. She was so worried about herself that she couldn't sleep. But when I woke up, she would say 'Ive been up since such and such time and I already made my bed and all." Just that alone was such an accomplishment in her eyes. So, there has not been a day go by that I haven't made her bed.
I think you and I are going to be ok. We have to keep our faith in God and when it comes our turn, we will get our healing!!!
Lets make sure we don't lose touch k!!!! As long as you keep responding, i'm gonna do the same!!
It's getting full on this comment page, so I'm going to sign off for awhile. You gals know I'm thinking about you and praying for a full recovery for each of you. I will check back after the 29th Bambi to see how your appt. went. Best wishes to you also, FMXSMKR (that's a tough one to remember:) I don't want to lose touch with either of you...so I'll be back!
Blessings
Kay
Blessings
Kay
Hey there.....I remember the days of not being able to sleep. I think this is the first time in over 30yrs I've been able to sleep. I quit smoking last July and I think my efforts are finally paying off. I've taken Xanax at night forever, but before I quit smoking, it was like I took nothing. Had smoked for 33yrs and it's really hard to stay committed to my quit when I feel like a bundle of nerves. I'm so happy to sleep though, I wouldn't ruin it with smoking again. Of course, I probably wouldn't be sleeping so well without the meds.
I just got back from my walk. Bambi, I can't tell you how many times I have FORCED myself to go. I try to keep in mind how good it is for me, the tension it's releasing and the fact that exercise raises serotonin levels in the brain. It's actually become a habit. I don't feel like the day is complete until I go and I always feel better. I'm proud of you for getting "ready" for walking. You've got some songs downloaded so now when you're ready, you can just go. You know, I started out going 1/2 of a 1/2 of a block. Just a little ways and work your way up. I do understand about not wanting to do one single thing though. I think once you see the therapist and start on some meds, things will get easier.
You made me laugh, we are much alike. You're right, the tests themselves are not so bad, it's getting ready is the hard part.
Honey, the very LAST thing you sound like you're doing is ranting and raving. You sound like a young women who is in pain because she just lost her mother and you're not selfish! Get that out of your head right now! I am 48yrs old and have never lost a parent, and even though I was never lucky enough to have the kind of relationship with my parents that you do, it will be devastating for me when that day comes. My parents are 76 and that day is going to come sooner than later. It's difficult for me to even think about. Yes, someone else might have it harder than you, but that doesn't make your pain or theirs any different. We had to put our cat to sleep a few years ago and I cried for six solid months, I didn't lose a parent like you, but I bet the pain in our hearts was comparable. You see? So try not to think that way. We all have our own personal pain and I don't think it's fair to say one persons pain is worse than an others.
I hope you get some sleep tonight. Also, walking will help your body to tire out. I find it harder to sleep when I've done nothing all day. Just some housework is good. You know how I started out? Just making my bed everyday. I was so proud of myself for that and it prevented me from crawling back in it, even when that was all I wanted to do.
You're going to be Ok Bambi. Just your attitude alone is a wonderful start.
Take care baby girl...........: )
I just got back from my walk. Bambi, I can't tell you how many times I have FORCED myself to go. I try to keep in mind how good it is for me, the tension it's releasing and the fact that exercise raises serotonin levels in the brain. It's actually become a habit. I don't feel like the day is complete until I go and I always feel better. I'm proud of you for getting "ready" for walking. You've got some songs downloaded so now when you're ready, you can just go. You know, I started out going 1/2 of a 1/2 of a block. Just a little ways and work your way up. I do understand about not wanting to do one single thing though. I think once you see the therapist and start on some meds, things will get easier.
You made me laugh, we are much alike. You're right, the tests themselves are not so bad, it's getting ready is the hard part.
Honey, the very LAST thing you sound like you're doing is ranting and raving. You sound like a young women who is in pain because she just lost her mother and you're not selfish! Get that out of your head right now! I am 48yrs old and have never lost a parent, and even though I was never lucky enough to have the kind of relationship with my parents that you do, it will be devastating for me when that day comes. My parents are 76 and that day is going to come sooner than later. It's difficult for me to even think about. Yes, someone else might have it harder than you, but that doesn't make your pain or theirs any different. We had to put our cat to sleep a few years ago and I cried for six solid months, I didn't lose a parent like you, but I bet the pain in our hearts was comparable. You see? So try not to think that way. We all have our own personal pain and I don't think it's fair to say one persons pain is worse than an others.
I hope you get some sleep tonight. Also, walking will help your body to tire out. I find it harder to sleep when I've done nothing all day. Just some housework is good. You know how I started out? Just making my bed everyday. I was so proud of myself for that and it prevented me from crawling back in it, even when that was all I wanted to do.
You're going to be Ok Bambi. Just your attitude alone is a wonderful start.
Take care baby girl...........: )
Hey! Today hasn't been that great for me. I told myself last night that I was going to get up this am and walk. I even downloaded songs into my Ipod this am. Well, i didn't go to bed until 4am and didn't wake up until 1 pm so that started my day off bad. Then, I felt so bad when I did get up that I didn't feel like doing anything. I just feel so jittery and my eyes are acting up (like the nerves behind my eyes) and extremely spacey!! So, I haven't done anything today. I'm getting excited about my appt., I just hate to hear those dreaded words, take this and come back and see me in a month. That's one more month that I have to feel like this. I just hope this time, there will be a medication that will actually help me. I haven't taken Xanax yet today, but I needed to a LONG time ago!! If I know I'm not going anywhere, I will try not to take one. I've had an Endoscopy and MANY mri's done. The actual tests aren't bad, it's just dragging yourself up and taking a shower and leaving the house is the worse part for me. With my posts, I don't mean to upset people, it's just that I remember this stuff SO VIVIDLY just like it was yesterday. Good for you going out by yourself. It must be hard having dealt with your health issues for so long. It's been 9 long years for me and some days, I just don't feel like I can go any more. When I first posted a comment on here, I didn't even think I'd get a response, much less hear from all you guys who actually do care and listen to me!!!! I just feel like I rant and rave about how much my life sucks and there are soooo many people out there who are much worse off than me. I feel selfish! I just hate being so young and having to have dealt with this for 9 yrs and still no end in sight! Thanks for being there for me when I needed someone to talk to!!!!! (or rant and rave!!!)
Thank you for your post to me. Yes, it's easy to get involved Bambi. She is truly a beautiful soul!
I don't find your posts to be depressing at all! It's just, you are such a beautiful writer and so descriptive in your posts that it makes me feel like I am living in the moment with you, you know? I can feel your pain completely. I guess I am just so sad FOR you.
Thanks for asking about me. I have a lot of health/dental issues that are stressing me out. Like you, it can be difficult to leave the house and I'm wondering how in the world I'm going to get myself to, and endure, all those MRI's. I have stomach ulcers too that aren't healing as fast as I thought they would and have to have another Endoscopy. I've had anxiety forever and sometimes I have a hard time staying positive. I just wish it would stop! It won't though. I'm 48 and all I can do is try to keep it under control so I don't go completely insane. I walk every single day and that really does help. I would like to encourage you to do the same. Put your ipod or walkman on and lose yourself in the music. I know it's hard to walk alone, but facing what we fear is what helps to heal us. I went to the store today by myself. I could have waited for my husband to get home, but made myself go this morning. I am feeling very jittery today, but not spacey for once, otherwise I would of had to wait.
You thanked me earlier for still thinking about you enough to comment! Are you kidding? You are too sweet for words and I will probably never forget you : )
I hope your feeling well today Bambi and that each day gets a little better.
Only four more days til your appt!
Thanks for asking about me. I have a lot of health/dental issues that are stressing me out. Like you, it can be difficult to leave the house and I'm wondering how in the world I'm going to get myself to, and endure, all those MRI's. I have stomach ulcers too that aren't healing as fast as I thought they would and have to have another Endoscopy. I've had anxiety forever and sometimes I have a hard time staying positive. I just wish it would stop! It won't though. I'm 48 and all I can do is try to keep it under control so I don't go completely insane. I walk every single day and that really does help. I would like to encourage you to do the same. Put your ipod or walkman on and lose yourself in the music. I know it's hard to walk alone, but facing what we fear is what helps to heal us. I went to the store today by myself. I could have waited for my husband to get home, but made myself go this morning. I am feeling very jittery today, but not spacey for once, otherwise I would of had to wait.
You thanked me earlier for still thinking about you enough to comment! Are you kidding? You are too sweet for words and I will probably never forget you : )
I hope your feeling well today Bambi and that each day gets a little better.
Only four more days til your appt!
Hey again!! It sounds like you did an amazing job raising your daughter. She's still young and there is still plenty of time for her to make mistakes, but if she hasn't yet, then I doubt she will. My mom didn't give my sister and I time to make a mistake!! Then, it made me mad, but now I would THANK HER for being so overprotective. I know now, she was only looking out for us! But you don't see it like that when you are younger. I started dating this guy when I was 18 and when all of this happened with my mother's death, I kind of got to the point where I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore. We were together for 11 yrs. It was almost like I hated him for taking up so much of my time that could've been spent with my momma through the years. I hated him for it, and I shouldn't because it was my choice to stay gone every night like I did. It was just that I was home all day with her and it was nice to get out at night. I do have a problem with just remembering those last few days. I don't talk to my dad about it because he feels SO GUILTY about us having to see her on the ventillator. He just kept telling her "you got to try to breath when they pull this tube out, you gotta try to breath on your own so we can go back up to the 5th floor (cancer floor) to finish your chemo so we can go home" He feels like he lied to her because we all knew the outcome when they took the tube out. We just didn't want her to be scared. I think what makes everything worse is that the type she cancer she had, she would have had an 80% survival rate if it were caught in time. That's a tough pill to swallow because you think, what could we have done different so she could still be here. I just think back to all the times when she would go without just so we could have what we wanted. She was VERY SPOILED don't get me wrong, but so are we!! My dad has his own business and he SPOILED her, so I think that's where we got it from!! I just think its amazing how much love a mother has for her child to do without just so her children can have what they want. My momma finally got her dream home built about 8 mos. before she died. She never got to decorate it. It's weird how things work out huh? I am so hoping this therapy is going to help me cope with things differently and get my health back. Go easy on your daughter though, she seems smart enough to make good decisions. But no matter what you do, always try to keep your relationship strong, so you or she wont have regrets in the future. Thanks as always!!
Thank you for your sweet comment. I must admit, my relationship with my daughter is effortless. I make my job as a mother more difficult than it has to be...but then I make LIFE more difficult than it has to be. Then I wonder why I have anxiety disorders!!!! Hope you are doing well. I've gotten so involved with sweet Bambi that I've failed to read other posts. I'm going to send this, then go back and see what's going on with you. Talk to you soon, I hope!
Hey girl...I'm doing well today. My anxiety seems to act up when things around me are chaotic. My husband is currently taking radiation for recurrent prostate cancer. The prognosis is real good, but it is still a huge force to be reckoned with. My daughter is 22 and a Sr. at a private university. She stays busy, but tends to let her dad's condition take her over at times. When she's real frustrated, she lets go on mom....Why? Because we love each other unconditionally and at the end of the day...we hug and say I'm sorry and BAM it never happened!! I have learned, Bambi, that my health issues are my own fault. I try to live my life AND hers, therefore I am exhausted. I want to cushion every blow for her and remove every hurdle from her path. I think that could be the second worse form of abuse you can direct toward your child. The good news is that I acknowledge my mistakes...then I look at what a precious young lady she is and wonder if they were really mistakes. The mistake is that I neglect myself and that I deny her the opportunities to make her own mistakes. (Sure am using that word "mistake" alot, huh?) Anyway, my condition will improve, hopefully, when the conditions around me improve. I'm seeking therapy for my coping skills (or lack of them). My life remains normal...good friends, great marriage, sweet kid, loving parents, and a sister that can make me laugh any hour of the day. Life is good and I know it, but my body has a mind its own. Bambi, I have noticed that you reflect upon the painful hours of your mother's death, I think that, in time, you will turn from those unpleasant moments/memories and your new attitudes will have positive impacts on your health issues. I hope the psychiatrist visit will prove beneficial in helping you cope with your mom's suffering (In my opinion, your issues are as much about her suffering as they are about her death) Think happy thoughts about the pain-free state she now enjoys. Those last moments of her life were only a small fraction of her time on earth. It sounds as if she accomplished, and enjoyed, more in 53 years than many people do in 100 years. Let your dad and your siblings help you through these troubled times....they feel your pain, I'm sure. Keep us posted and I'm praying for you BIG TIME. Please do the same for me.
Kay
P.S. I have noticed that while I talk to others about their health issues....I seem to forget about mine. Weird...huh???
Kay
P.S. I have noticed that while I talk to others about their health issues....I seem to forget about mine. Weird...huh???
Thank you!! I am going to see a psychiatrist on the 29th of this month. It's just that this anxiety is causing some scary symptoms, and it just worries me that it's something else. Mine has been on and off for the last 9 yrs. I hope the therapist will give me something that will help me have a normal life again!!!
Yes, I did the 24/7 thing. And it lasted 6 months....but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Therapy in conjuction with medication (paxil, buspar and konopin), I have my life back. Ask about the klonopin...it lasts longer and is meant for long time use
Hey!! I'm glad to see you're still thinking about me enough to comment. How come you are not having a good day? I enjoy reading your comments!! My posts are mostly depressing, but my purpose is to try to give people hope by letting them know that even though things seem really bad, that God still has a plan for everyone. When he closes one door, he opens another. So, you have to thank him for the good and bad that he does in your life, because in the end, he has a purpose for doing what he does. He doesn't want to see you hurt, He wants to see you succeed, but you have to do your part. I hope you have a better day tomorrow. Looking forward to hearing from you!
I'm hoping to be on the road to recovery soon!! I am keeping my faith in God and staying strong like my mother would want me to. I want a testimony from God to be able to tell other people, He might have taken something away from me (my mother), but He also gave me a new life. My faith in Him is soooo much stronger now. I know He does things in his own time, and I am trying to be patient until it's my turn. You guys that post make me smile because I know my mother would be so proud of me. I will see her again one day and we will pick up from where we left off at-walking arm in arm in heaven!! She was such a wonderful, beautiful person. Heaven is lucky to have her as an angel. Since me getting sick 9 yrs ago, I have slowly lost pretty much all of my friends, but I feel like I'm making new ones here. Your daughter will look back on her life and see that she had the best mother that God could have given her. She will realize you were only concerned for her own good. I told my mom about 3 days before she died, I said "Momma, do you know that you are the best mother that God could have ever given me?" She said, "Thank you." She was so weak because she hadn't eaten in about 3 wks. and she quit taking all of her pain meds. She was in the hospital 2 hrs away from home for 9 wks. total. My dad stayed there for the entire 9 wks, he never went home. My sister and I rented a motel room and stayed there about the whole time. They started giving her chemo about 2 wks before she died. Then, she got pneumonia and her body was so weak from chemo that she couldn't fight it. She said she didn't want to take anymore pain meds because she wanted to know that we were there and she wanted to remember God. I have pics of her sitting up in the bed 6 days before she died. She seemed like she was ready to take on the world if she had to. God gave her this strength. No matter if we told her we loved her 100 times a day, she never got mad with us, she always said it back. About 3 days before she died, they put her on a bi-pap machine. When you talk, you sound like a robot. That was the last time I heard my momma say I Love You. She kept saying this is my breathing treatment (for pneumonia) and I'll be through with it in about 15 mins and they'll come and take it off. I just kept thinking to myself that I wished it was all it was. I knew better. But I still had my faith in God. He was going to give my momma the miracle that was due to her. I get soooo upset just thinking about her last couple of days. She was so strong, such a fighter. We left the hospital late on June14th and headed back to the motel. As soon as we got to the motel, my dad called us right back to the hospital and we rushed back up there. About an hour after we got there, she coded. You see this on t.v. all the time, but it's surreal when you know exactly who it's for. We didn't even get to make the decision about putting her on the ventillator because my dad was on the cell with my brother (which he was about 10 min away from the hospital and got pulled over by the cops for speeding). The drs. went ahead and put it in by the time my dad walked through the doors and told them not to do it. That was about 3 am-June 15th. We then had to make a decision about what time to take her off. We got her last bone marrow biopsy results in that morning and found out the chemo was not touching the cancer. My sister and I stayed in the chapel that whole night praying for a miracle. I just kept saying over and over, God please don't take my momma, God please don't take my momma. Her eyes were wide open that whole day (June 15). At 2pm, they took her off the ventillator and we must've told her 1000 times that we love her. We just kept saying "Momma, you did good, you rest now." She couldn't, she still fought. It was so hard to see her struggling so much to breath without the ventillator. She tossed and turned so much, all her hair was coming out onto her pillow from the chemo. She would struggle to take another breath every time she heard that. At 5:55pm she took her last breath. My mother, my best friend was gone. It felt like I died with her. I held onto her until the drs said it was time for us to go so they could clean her up. I left my heart in Greenville, S.C. that day. You keep your relationship strong with your daughter and try to start trusting her. How old is she? I let my momma down a couple of times in my life, nothing major, nothing could've ever broken the bond we had. I never wanted to disappoint her. I am VERY close to my daddy. He still sleeps with a pic of my mom on her side of the bed every night. He worries about my health constantly. He calls 100 times a day now. I will be here for my dad until he feels comfortable enough to move on. My sister and I will cook for him or go out to eat with him every night. We include him in everything that we do. My daddy is a good christian man, but no one can ever replace the relationship I had with my mother. It would be fine if you wanted to call 100 times a day!!!!! LOL!!! Please write back ANYTIME, you are not a bother.
This thread has overcome me with emotion! Just wanted to say how great it is to see people out there with the relationship you and your daughter have. You clearly realize how lucky you are.
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