Aa
Anxious to move on
Lately, I've had the urge to just pick up & move, somewhat to just start over & more so to get away from the safety bubble & familiarity that I've put myself in. I feel like because of this, I'm not motivated & not moving forward. I'll be 26 in four months & I'm still not done with college & nowhere near being done. Partly bc I've changed my mind so many times on what I want to do, partly bc I was an active addict for 3 years, & partly bc I was lazy. When I was in my addiction, I messed up my academic record really badly (not even sure where to start to correct it). At this point I finally realize I have a passion to become a nurse but you need really good grades & there's a long waitlist so I feel so hopeless that I'll ever achieve this. Plus my friends have all started to move on with relationships, marriages, kids, careers, etc. but I just feel stuck in the past & left behind. I realize it sounds like I'm throwing a pity party but lately I feel so alone & like such a failure that I think it would be better to pick up & move out of state & start over fresh with school & do what I want & not what is expected of me from family & friends & other people's judgement. Has anyone experienced this or have actually picked up & left??? Thanks :)
Hey! Thanks for the reply! It's much too easy to only think of the negatives & the fear I have in my life & forget there are positives like being in recovery for a year & a half. But, it's true... I think I should face those fears head on like sitting down with a school counselor & figuring out how to restart my academic career. Thanks for the pep talk ;-)
Kath gave you some valuable advice. I'm just here to back her up. You may feel like you're life is slipping away from you, but from MY vantage point in my 60's, you are so young and have so much time ahead of you to accomplish your goals,
I know what it feels like when your friends seem to have their lives all figured out and they've got good jobs, good relationships, maybe they've done the baby thing alredy, they're going on vacations and buying neat stuff and there you are............seemingly going nowhere, being stuck somewhere between the past and the not so great present. BUT...........you are obviously a strong person whether you want to believe that or not. You got yourself out of an addiction. I know how hard that is. But instead of beating yourself up for the addiction, instead of looking it as this huge negative event that messed your life up, look at the positive side of that coin. Look at the strength of character it took for you to get clean, and by the sounds of it, to stay clean. That is a HUGE accomplishment that you absolutely must take pride in. You may have had help during your recovery, but in the end, it all comes down to just you. If YOU didn't want to change your life, if YOU didn't make that comittment to do whatever you had to do to go through that..........you'd still be an addict.
As for feeling like you messed up school, well, maybe you did. I'm not going to sugar coat it. That can be fixed and the opportunity is still there.
Go talk to a counselor at the college you were attending and just put it all out there. She/he will figure out what credits you have, which will tell you exactly where you are. Maybe you didn't mess up as bad as you think or maybe you did. Maybe you'll simply have to begin all over again. But isn't that what this whole post is about? A new beginning?
I think your choice of nursing is excellent. It's a wonderful and rewarding career with excellent pay. It's also the type of job that will allow you to find work when that "wanderlust" hits you. Good nurses as always in demand.
I know it is difficult to get into nursing school, the waiting lists are long. But that's OK because that will give you time to get all your prereqs done and by the time you've got all those, a place in nursing school will be waiting for you. Your counselor will lay out the entire program for you, they can help you find the funding. If you get your CNA license (certified nursing assistant) and work in a fairly large hospital, many of them offer financial assistance to CNA's who wish to go on to their RN.
Not only that, but the experience of being a CNA will be INVALUABLE to your future as an RN.
Moving to a new place for a fresh start is one idea. Staying where you are and dealing with the things/people/feelings/memories.........whatever, in the long run is only going to make you a stronger and wiser person. School and work is going to keep your butt so busy, you're not going to have much time to dwell on that anyway. I'm not implying that moving to a new place means you're "running away." I think what I want to say is that staying in a place that you know, with friends and family, will lessen the stress of taking on too many new experiences, which can become overwhelming and lead to failure.
You say you feel so alone, but is it possible that part of the reason for that is you? Your friends are moving on with their lives and you feel left behind. Maybe when you got off track with the addiction thing, YOU left THEM behind. It may be time to reach out, make amends if you have any to make, reconnect with these people. Let them see that the real you is back and trying to make a good life for yourself and you could use their help. If they were truly your friends before, they still are.
If they have what you want, then go get it. Even if it takes you a while longer than you'd like, in the end, it will all be yours.
You can look at it this way.........you're 25 now. If you earn your RN when your're 30, you will still have a good 35+ YEARS to practice.
PLEASE think about this. It may be a dream, but it's not a dream you can't make come true.
Ya just gotta set your heart on it and the rest will follow.
I wish you the very, very best.
Peace
Greenlydia
P.S.
I quickly reread your post and the bit about "doing what YOU want and not what friends and family expect nor putting up with other people's judgement..........." At 23 you are an adult and you do not have to allow anyone into your life who is not respectful, loving or supportive. You've been through enough negative crap. This is about you now. This is about your life. Take total charge of it.
I know what it feels like when your friends seem to have their lives all figured out and they've got good jobs, good relationships, maybe they've done the baby thing alredy, they're going on vacations and buying neat stuff and there you are............seemingly going nowhere, being stuck somewhere between the past and the not so great present. BUT...........you are obviously a strong person whether you want to believe that or not. You got yourself out of an addiction. I know how hard that is. But instead of beating yourself up for the addiction, instead of looking it as this huge negative event that messed your life up, look at the positive side of that coin. Look at the strength of character it took for you to get clean, and by the sounds of it, to stay clean. That is a HUGE accomplishment that you absolutely must take pride in. You may have had help during your recovery, but in the end, it all comes down to just you. If YOU didn't want to change your life, if YOU didn't make that comittment to do whatever you had to do to go through that..........you'd still be an addict.
As for feeling like you messed up school, well, maybe you did. I'm not going to sugar coat it. That can be fixed and the opportunity is still there.
Go talk to a counselor at the college you were attending and just put it all out there. She/he will figure out what credits you have, which will tell you exactly where you are. Maybe you didn't mess up as bad as you think or maybe you did. Maybe you'll simply have to begin all over again. But isn't that what this whole post is about? A new beginning?
I think your choice of nursing is excellent. It's a wonderful and rewarding career with excellent pay. It's also the type of job that will allow you to find work when that "wanderlust" hits you. Good nurses as always in demand.
I know it is difficult to get into nursing school, the waiting lists are long. But that's OK because that will give you time to get all your prereqs done and by the time you've got all those, a place in nursing school will be waiting for you. Your counselor will lay out the entire program for you, they can help you find the funding. If you get your CNA license (certified nursing assistant) and work in a fairly large hospital, many of them offer financial assistance to CNA's who wish to go on to their RN.
Not only that, but the experience of being a CNA will be INVALUABLE to your future as an RN.
Moving to a new place for a fresh start is one idea. Staying where you are and dealing with the things/people/feelings/memories.........whatever, in the long run is only going to make you a stronger and wiser person. School and work is going to keep your butt so busy, you're not going to have much time to dwell on that anyway. I'm not implying that moving to a new place means you're "running away." I think what I want to say is that staying in a place that you know, with friends and family, will lessen the stress of taking on too many new experiences, which can become overwhelming and lead to failure.
You say you feel so alone, but is it possible that part of the reason for that is you? Your friends are moving on with their lives and you feel left behind. Maybe when you got off track with the addiction thing, YOU left THEM behind. It may be time to reach out, make amends if you have any to make, reconnect with these people. Let them see that the real you is back and trying to make a good life for yourself and you could use their help. If they were truly your friends before, they still are.
If they have what you want, then go get it. Even if it takes you a while longer than you'd like, in the end, it will all be yours.
You can look at it this way.........you're 25 now. If you earn your RN when your're 30, you will still have a good 35+ YEARS to practice.
PLEASE think about this. It may be a dream, but it's not a dream you can't make come true.
Ya just gotta set your heart on it and the rest will follow.
I wish you the very, very best.
Peace
Greenlydia
P.S.
I quickly reread your post and the bit about "doing what YOU want and not what friends and family expect nor putting up with other people's judgement..........." At 23 you are an adult and you do not have to allow anyone into your life who is not respectful, loving or supportive. You've been through enough negative crap. This is about you now. This is about your life. Take total charge of it.
Thanks for the comment! It's hard to remember but you're right, life is not a race & yeah financially I couldn't afford to move away anyways lol.
Happy Birthday!!! Hope you have a great day!!!
Happy Birthday!!! Hope you have a great day!!!
Hello.Im turning 32 today! Yes, I have wanted to move and get a fresh start many many times. I actually have moved a couple of times but sometimes life has kept me "stuck" because it costs so much money to move. Remember that life is not a race,even when it feels like everyone else you know has it all together. Trust me..Ive seen many of those friends whose lives looked golden in their 20s then in their 30s they go through divorces,job loss,rehab. Hang in there and get that nursing degree where you are. I wish I had when I was your age. The best gift you can give yourself is education while you have the chance.Then after that you will have the freedom to move wherever you want and the ability to provide for yourself a great living :)
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