Awful Anxiety!

This Anxiety of mine just started last year! Im not sure why but came to the conclusion that i have done drugs in my pass (weed, acid, escasy, shrooms, coke) and of course drank. When i met my boyfriend everything changed i just didnt want that life anymore and quit everything cold turkey but still had a few drinks. I couldnt sleep at all and i had very weird dreams at first, then one day i woke up and thought i was going to die because of..well no reason just started to panic about it. Every little thing made me think i was  having a heart attack to having cancer! As the days went on it got worst and worst. After a while that lead into me not wanting to be around my friends and family and going to work was difficult and being around new people was horrible. I had to take a bus to work which was a half hour drive each way and every time i stepped on that bus i would panic because i wasnt in control. I couldnt bear it anymore so i went to the doctor and I described everything i just explained. He said he would give me paxiol. I didnt have no clue what i was getting myself into. He gave me 20mg's! So i didnt want to take a new drug without being of work for a few days. So on my days of i took a full pill and fell asleep right after taking it. When i woke up, I could hardly speak, i was shaking, i threw up and i was crying like crazy. So i thought to myself this is crazy im not taking something that would do this to me. But when i came of that 1 pill i had VERY BAD dreams and when i woke i had had weird thoughts of taking the whole bottle and things like that which scared me but i know i would never do that. Or think!! I went back to the doctor and told him what had happened and he told me to try again and just take half. So i knew my mom's friend had been on it so i called her and she told me it really works but it is very hard. So i did try again and now i have been on this drug for 3 months. and i must say, despite all the side affects i first got it really did work and i do feel alot better. But now i want to come of it and i am really scared but greatful i am only taking 10mg!!

[lostsoul2]

I am in a very similar boat with you.  I used to do so much.  I was in really great shape, went out a lot, had a good job, but drank quite a bit and did a lot drugs.  The worst was the vicodin I got addicted to because of a bad back injury.  My life has spiraled out of control.  I don't take anything but anti-anxiety pills and vicodin for my back,  I take the vicodin as prescribed now, no longer abusing.  It makes me feel sick now.  But the anxiety has gotten truly awful and life altering.  My heart always feels like it's racing, I'm jittery, and I just don't feel "right" inside. My mood is always very depressed.  I wish I had some answers for you.  I just want you to know that you are not alone in feeling this way.  Dr.'s often just hand out pills until they find one that works for you.  Until then it's a roller coaster ride with seemingly no end.  I think a lot of past drug abuse alters our brain chemistry and until we get it back to normal we will never feel right.  I wish I had never, ever touched a drug.  I thought I was invincible.  But I now see the damage they really cause.  I'm only 34 but feel like I'm dying every day.