Cant Control My Thoughts Sometime

Hi Everyone,

I had a few questions about anxiety. I started having really bad anxiety attacks/panic attacks at the end of March for the very first time in my life. I've pretty much had an anxiety attack every day since but am now able to control them much better.

The only thing that bugs me now is that I keep having the same thoughts in my head at least two times a day. It's usually during the morning. The thoughts surround any fears I had during the first month. Once they start my mind just starts to replay any scary thoughts over and over for a few secs to a few minutes. Then I am able to shake them off.

They only come on if I see something that reminds me of the past month or think about a thought that I wouldn't think of if everything was okay. I can sometimes stop the cycle but it's not effecting my everyday life.

I haven't lined up with a therapist yet and am kind of scared to do so because I feel like they are going to just diagnose me as having an anxiety disorder without testing anything else.

I've never experienced anything like this before the end of March. I'm a very happy out going person and still am most of the time during the day now.

Another symptom I am experiencing is hateful thoughts toward ones I love. For example, I absolutely adore my boyfriend and when I see a text from him a huge smile comes across my face. Then within 20 the 30 minutes later, I can think about him and it's like I never loved him. I'll be overcome with discuss.

I'm very concerned and just wanted to know if anybody else goes through the same thing. Is this anxiety or something way worse : (

[nursegirl6572]

Hello and welcome!  

For one, you've taken the all important first step of recognizing that there is a problem and wanting to do something about it!

I personally feel that the best and most logical starting place is your family doctor.  He or she can do some tests to rule out any physical cause and then discuss his/her impressions and treatment options.  If you can, I would ask for a referral to a psychiatrist.  They are really the best people to initially assess any mental disorder and give a proper diagnosis.  As far as being worried about your diagnosis, don't be. There are very specific criteria that must be met in order to reach a specific diagnosis.  It's true that there are many different kinds of anxiety disorders, but the doc will be able to narrow down which one(s) you're dealing with based on his/her assessment.  Just be very honest during your evaluation...and give as much detail as possible.

Once you get an official diagnosis, you can start exploring treatment options and what would be best for you to try.  Just be patient with the process as relief doesn't come overnight.  A great deal of anxiety treatment involves trial and error and the need for a good bit of patience and hard work!

You already have a great grasp on what is going on, so you're one step ahead!  Don't worry, you'll have better days ahead.  Please stop back and keep us updated!  Hang in there!

[joyfulc]

Thanks so much!

I had a doctor appt. Not to successful. She thinks I am doing a good job working through everything and gave me some numbers to some counselors and told me that my equilibrium may be off and that they should be able to help me with that.

The fact is, I am strong but it still doesn't dismiss the fact that something is going on everyday regardless if it last for 30 secs or 30 mins. It's effecting my daily life and it's hard not to look for specific symptoms even though I am not having any anxiety attacks or depression.

[gofio]

The advice given by previous poster's exactly right in my opinion. Cognitive behaviour therapy's worked for me along with prescribed meds. There's lots of options the professional medical folk have at their disposal. Don't be afraid of taking 'pills' if you are advised by your ~Doc to take them. Being 'strong' won't help when your depression/anxiety's gaining ground, willpower won't do it in most cases, (including mine).Support galore on here,but get your condition diagnosed. If you feel that your Doc's not helping tell him/her & ask for another.
Wonder what the ratio of people that have had bad experiences with meds post, compared to those that have been helped & are glad of the benefits their meds have given them? My guess is that few complain or post when they feel all's well with them. Avoid trying to 'tough it out', Good luck.

[joyfulc]

I wonder this too:

"Wonder what the ratio of people that have had bad experiences with meds post, compared to those that have been helped & are glad of the benefits their meds have given them?"

I would love to hear some success stories about those who have been on meds and have actually been able to be themselves. I think that would help out a lot. My concern is that if I get on meds I would for 1 be addicted to them and I won't be myself. I have a two year old that is home with me all the time and I own a business. So I would hate to get on meds and be totally dependent on them and not be myself. That would be a total bummer for me.

Thanks so much again for the motivation. I'm in the process of trying to find a cognitive therapist in my area. Wish me luck!!

[nursegirl6572]

You're always going to see more negative stories in regards to meds, simply b/c those with success stories aren't as likely to seek forums like this out to share their stories.  The people with negative experiences want to share their experiences to try to help people from going through the same thing they did.

This is why I always recommend for people considering meds that while reading other peoples' experiences is fine...not to take ANY of them (good OR bad) too seriously.  Allow yourself to have your OWN experience with meds and try to go into it open minded without a lot of preconceived notions.  I have had very positive experiences with medications, and feel that they, along with therapy can be VERY effective in treating anxiety.  There are pros and cons with meds, of course.  As for the fear of becoming dependent, discuss this with the prescribing doctor.  What worked for me was a short term course of an anti anxiety med, Ativan, while I started on an antidepressant.  Until the AD started working on my anxiety, I needed the anti-anxiety med, but not for too long.  Therefore, I didn't have any issues with dependency.  It all depends on what meds are Rx'd and how the medication regimen is approached.

I also agree that it isn't necessary to "tough this out".  You know yourself and you've recognized that this is affecting you.  You wouldn't have sought help if it wasn't a concern.  Go back to your doc and ask for a referral to a p-doc, tell her that's what you'd like to do.  I think you'll get a more thorough assessment and not be "dismissed" quite as quickly.  Hey, it's great that you're coping as well as you are, but you have the right to seek out the treatment of your choice to help you with this.  NO ONE needs to be a hero!

Let us know how it goes!

[nlk259949]

Hi!
I am actually going through a lot of anxiety myself right now, and have been for many years of my life. While browsing through a couple of forums and websites, I came across this one. Specifically because I noticed your title "Can't control my thoughts sometime", which is EXACTLY what I am going through right now. I want you to know that you are not the only one out there going through this. It is very common to be going through what you are, and I have realized that knowing that other people are going through the same thing, makes me feel a lot less crazy =). This is a great website that really helped me put what was happening with the uncontrollable thoughts into perspective - http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/anxiety_worrying_thoughts.html
Hope that helps you some too!
Basically what I got from it, is that you almost have to just surrender to the thoughts that are coming into your mind, instead of trying to stop them. Yes, naturally because you are not thinking these thoughts you want to immediately get rid of them (because they seem crazy to you), but sometimes if you just ride the thoughts out, they will go away. Try next time that you get one of these thoughts in your head to literally think of nothing, or picture yourself putting the thought into a box and burning it, or throwing it away--that way it's gone forever. This tends to somewhat help me to get rid of some of my unwanted thoughts.
Also, I took medication for a long time (a small dose) to try to help with my anxiety/depression. I honestly would not suggest this method. It may help, but as soon as you don't take it anymore you will notice a difference and want to be back on the medication. The medications only act as a band aid for the real problem that is existing. Try to exercise for 30 minutes a day or every other day. This will help to increase your serotonin  levels in your brain, which is exactly what anti-anxiety/depression medications do, except this is natural and will last! Also, try taking a B-Complex Vitamin, Vitamin D, and a Multi-Vitamin. And lastly, eating healthy helps a lot. I notice that wheat/gluten foods tend to make my mind foggier, making those unwanted thoughts easier to come into my mind. I am still dealing with this as well though, so this is just my journey and what works for me. If you do try to medicine I completely understand, because I did too. I just wanted to inform you of some things that helped me, because I know how life altering anxiety can be.  

[joyfulc]

Thanks so much! It's sad but always great to hear that someone else is going through the same thing.

I never thought about this statement:

"This will help to increase your serotonin  levels in your brain, which is exactly what anti-anxiety/depression medications do, except this is natural and will last! Also, try taking a B-Complex Vitamin, Vitamin D, and a Multi-Vitamin."

I have heard about vitamins helping and exercise ,something I do not do : ( . So thanks for all the tips.

I hate the unwanted thoughts the most. I can usually take control of all the other symptoms but the no loving someone anymore is the one that is killing me the most. The one that makes me soooo depressed when it happens. It's like my brain will not get off of if.

I can be totally in love and at least one to three times a day I will have negative feelings for that person. It's so sad.

I am such a happy person and am grateful for the 5 to 6 hours a day that I am blessed with being myself. I am soo grateful to have an outlet like this forum where other's can help and share their experiences as well.

So Thanks so much for that!

[nlk259949]

You're very welcome! Thank you for responding! I completely agree, it is great hearing that someone else is going through the same thing, although it'd be nice for none of us to have to go through it in the first place lol. I try to feel grateful though that I am going through this though, in hopes that someday when I am cured I can help other people struggling with this problem. I think it would be harder to help other people if we didn't experience this ourselves, because we would not fully understand what is happening. You seem like you are very aware of what is going on in your mind though, and you are very open to suggestions, so I am sure your way to recovery will be soon =).

It can be hard with the vitamins and exercise, I even have trouble keeping up with it, but when I don't I do notice a difference, which keeps me more motivated to stay consistent. I'm sure you will figure out what works best for your mind and body though =).

I am so sorry that you have to feel that way towards people that you are close to. I know that has to be really scary for you and upsetting. Just know that it is not you that is thinking that, it is your anxiety that is making you think that you feel that way. I recently read something about where "anxiety feeds off of fear". I think the more afraid that we are of thinking these thoughts, the more our anxiety feeds off of it, placing those thoughts there for longer. Have you talked to your boyfriend about these thoughts? I've noticed talking about it can help, but at the same time sometimes other people don't understand why we can't just turn these thoughts off, which can make it hard trying to tell the person that you love and are so close to. But I think talking to him (if you haven't already), might help make you feel better in the sense that he knows what is going on, and maybe he will understand that you don't feel this way, your anxiety feels this way. I talked to my fiancée about what I was dealing with, with these crazy thoughts in my head. At first he didn't really understand why I couldn't just turn these thoughts off. But now after seeing me upset about it, and talking to him more about the thoughts, he understands more why they don't just go away. I have realized though that if I want to talk about it in detail though, a forum like this is a better option. I think burdening a loved one with all of this had to be hard on them, because we don't even fully understand why we are feeling this way. I notice that I enjoy my time a lot more with my fiancée if I just avoid the thoughts in my head when they are happening, and just enjoy my time with him. Or even if I am analyzing the thoughts while i am with him, I still don't mention them, and just try to really focus on us and the conversations that we are having. This has really helped a lot, and I have learned to block out a lot of the unwanted thoughts (it's almost like retraining your mind how to think a different way--the way you want it to). This has really helped us to enjoy our relationship and be really happy together.  

Maybe when you are feeling this hate for the people you love, try to think about the good things about them. Like the reasons why you love them, or fell in love with your boyfriend. That might block out this feeling of hate/disgust.

I am so sorry you are going through all of this too! I have always been such a happy person too, and this is beginning to really affect my life. I feel like I am going crazy sometimes lol. But I know it will get better, it's all about conquering the fear "anxiety", in whatever possible way you can =). I'm here whenever you want to talk. Thank you again for replying, it's really nice to talk to someone who understands!

[joyfulc]

It's definitely nice to have someone else to talk too. I haven't told him yet for fear that it may freak him out that I could all of sudden just with one simple thought, fall out of love with him. I'm not sure how to explain to him that it only last for a minute or two then I have to refocus my thoughts toward something else. I don't want him to ever think that I don't love him. I think that would crush me even more.

I just really want to thank you though as well for that post the other day. I felt myself going through it yesterday but remembered the statement to let myself feel the unwanted thoughts and by doing that I was able to have a somewhat decent time.

I have found what works for me is when I am working, doing things I love or just hanging out with friends. It helps keep my mind off of any of the anxiety.

I'd have to admit that this has definitely made me think that I am crazy and the more I think that, the more I feel the anxiety creeping up and creeping up to the point where my thoughts begin to get out of control.

The only think that brings me to ease is the fact that I can control it, that lets me know that it may definitely be an anxiety disorder. I have gone through the thought of thinking I am bipolar to other very serious mental illnesses.

It has been so bad that I can not hear any of those words on tv, in a song or even a coo-coo bird in a clock saying Coo-Coo , don't laugh : )

It just makes me think that I am going crazy the fact that I freak out so bad or let a little word let my thoughts begin to race.

I will definitely still make an appointment with a therapist just to be on the safe side and to get a better understanding of what's going on and other great tips on how to deal with this if I can without medication. If I can't I am coming to grips with that because the bottom line is, I want to be able to live and enjoy my children and my work everyday and if medication is the way to go, then I will have to try and do that.

Thanks so much again, you truly were and are an inspiration to me. We must keep in touch : )

[nursegirl6572]

Therapy is definitely in order here, mainly because you will gain a lot of strength and courage simply from LEARNING about anxiety and how to cope with it.

For example...those unwanted thoughts you describe, that's actually a very common symptom of anxiety and panic.  There's even a name for it!  They're called "intrusive thoughts".  Do some reading about it and you'll feel SO much better about the fact that you're NOT crazy and that this is just one of the facets of anxiety for so many people.

Give some therapy a try, knowledge is power, and the more you learn and more you realize that so much of what you experience is due to the anxiety, you'll begin to feel comforted that you are NOT "coo coo" and there IS help!

Hang in there!

[nlk259949]

very true!! =) Knowledge about anxiety definitely does help!

[nlk259949]

I completely understand that, it was really hard telling my fiancée what I was feeling, and I still even felt crazy after telling him. I have realized that talking about it on a forum, or to other people that do understand is probably a better option. I don’t consider this hiding anything from the person you are with, because it is not anything bad. The feeling of falling out of love for the minutes that you feel is just your anxiety playing with your emotions. The fact that you know and understand that you love him is all that matters. I think you are right about not telling him now that I think about it, because my fiancée told me that he didn’t mind if I just didn’t talk to him about it. That way we can actually enjoy us, without me constantly telling him these odd thoughts that I have, that may make him feel bad. That is why I am so glad I found this forum, so I have a place to channel my thoughts. I don’t know anybody friend wise that understands this, and I kind of like talking to people I don’t know about it…you sort of feel less judged that way.
You are very welcome though =) I am really glad that you were able to let the thoughts in, and that it made things somewhat better, that’s wonderful to hear! I’m proud of you for doing that!
I have been going through anxiety/depression since 8th grade, (I’m 21) so for many years now. I have discovered a lot of the in’s and out’s that my body responds to, and it seems that you are very in tune with your body and are doing the same. This, to me, was really the only thing that helps. I went to a therapist for awhile, and she did help some, but I noticed that the saying “you are your best doctor” was pretty much true. Really focusing in on how you are feeling at the point that you are feeling anxious, and then trying different things to get through the anxiety or make it stop, and then remembering the things that do work for you, is honestly what worked best for me. But therapy may help you, because professionals do have different ideas and ways to mentally work past the anxiety =).

When you said “I have found what works for me is when I am working, doing things I love or just hanging out with friends. It helps keep my mind off of any of the anxiety.”—I think that is absolutely wonderful! You are already on a road to recovery! Finding ways to distract your mind is one of the best ways to occupy my mind. Does watching movies, playing a video game, or reading help you at all? Sometimes I find that those occupy my mind fully, so there is no room for anxious thoughts. I am really glad what you said works for you though, that’s great!
Does your boyfriend notice your anxiety at all? I have trouble where I worry a lot about things, and will constantly be asking my fiancée if I am going to be ok, etc. I have gotten a lot better about it, but feel bad for burdening my fiancée with my anxiety. You are not crazy though, I promise, but I fully understand how you feel. Recently my anxiety had gotten horrible at times, and I literally don’t even feel like myself. I have felt like my thoughts and mind is out of my own control, and even when I try to stop this feeling, it won’t go away. That’s when I completely break down and talk to my fiancée about it, or just cry, and I feel like letting these emotions out clears the anxiety/thoughts, and then I feel more like me again.

“The only think that brings me to ease is the fact that I can control it, that lets me know that it may definitely be an anxiety disorder. “-that is a VERY good point, knowing that I can control it when I find the right ways to control it, makes me feel a lot less crazy. I have gone through the thought of thinking I am bipolar to other very serious mental illnesses as well. When my mind starts to go through so many different crazy thoughts that I can’t stop, I literally have thought that maybe I am psychotic. I recently read somewhere though, that if you think you are crazy, you are not lol. A great point I though, that really helped me. The fact that you are aware of your anxiety, and that you are afraid of becoming crazy, or afraid that you are crazy, makes you not crazy. Kind of confusing I know, but crazy people typically are unaware that they are crazy. Haha I’m not laughing at you , but it’s funny about hearing those words on tv or even someone saying I am crazy joking, because I think the same things. I’m not sure with you, but I get really sensitive if someone calls me crazy jokingly, or if I watch a movie where someone is crazy, because I become afraid that I will just lose control of my mind. I then realize though that my anxiety is making me feel this way, and I will not lose control of my mind lol. You are NOT crazy though, I promise you =). The people that are crazy are the ones that do insane things, and are not willing to admit there is a problem. Most people in the world have anxiety, ours is just worse for some reason. I think we just let things bother us more than the average person does. We also may have a chemical imbalance in our brains, that vitamins, supplements, and exercise can correct =). Potentially medication as well, if needed, no need to feel bad about that. I take mine on random occasion if I really feel like I can’t control my thoughts. But honestly the vitamins and exercise have worked better for me. But you will find your outlet =).

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this though; I know how much it just *****. I hate it too. You just want to be normal like everyone else, and just be able to live and be happy. Just know, most people, although it may appear their lives are normal and great, aren’t. Everyone has a story, most people just hid it. Things will get better though in time, I promise you won’t be like this forever, because I can see you really have the drive to want to get better. That’s all you need—drive and motivation—with that anything is possible, and your cure is near =). Stay strong and you are very welcome. Thank you so  much for saying that it means a lot. We should definitely keep in touch =) If you want I’ll send you my email in a message and we can talk on there, might be easier haha. You seem like a really nice person though, and I’d love to get to know you better, and keep in touch. My name is Nicole btw. =)

[joyfulc]

You guys rock!

Sorry, I had to laugh at this comment:

"he didn’t mind if I just didn’t talk to him about it."

That sounds like something a BF or someone who is scared of what it really is. I've only been dealing with this since March 28th but it's definitely been something that is been a huge burden but it's getting better each day!!!!

I'll be looking into the therapist around here but hope that it's okay if I use you guys as my therapist until then : )

Love you all for taking the time to respond. You guys are making this much easier as time goes by.

[nlk259949]

haha I can see you what you mean as most men wouldn't want to deal with problems like this. Thankfully my fiancée has stuck by my side through out all of my anxiety, I know no body else would do that for me. =)  I more so meant he just said that to make me feel more comfortable about my thoughts, because I felt like if I didn't tell him I was hiding something from him. But he was just reassuring me that I didn't need to tell him if I didn't want to. =)

That's great about a therapist though! I think that's a good idea as they can give you great tips to mentally beat the anxiety!

You are always welcome to talk to me though whenever you need to!! That is what we all are here for! =)

[joyfulc]

You are so very blessed to have him in your life!!!

What would we do without the ones that love us......

[nlk259949]

=) we really are so blessed. Sometimes I forget how thankful I should be for everyone around me that is here for me through this, because I get consumed with the anxiety. I don't know what I would do with out him =).

[jase177]

Ive  had a similar problem. I did nt have control over my thoughts and just quit my job for no apparent reason. I used to keep blaming myself for the mistake that i had made. I visited a doctor and now realised  that it was not my fault. Im on medication and am feeling better though am bored being at home not doing anything. Hope u get better.