Close call with zoloft

all i wrote last week on this forum when i had started taking zoloft for insomnia/panic attacks and depression. I am one of the fews who went through close suicide call with zoloft. first night of taking it i woke up in middle of night confused and fearful that i will take my life or harm myself. my wife assured me that everything will be ok.. i thought of being a mentallly ill patient. anyways, i ignored it as i was having so many anxiety attacks wondering that it was another one. i took it for next few days supplementing it with xanax 0.25mg. but then talked to my doc and stopped taking xanax all together. then it happened on fourth day of zoloft. i thought of finding the best way of committing suicide. i thought of poking myself with a knife to get rid of my life, thought about hitting a car headon, thought of hurting my wife and girl too. thats when i ran home from work and told me wife to take me to the hospital. they took me in for suicidal thoughts and gave me adavan to calm me down. i felt better instantaneously.
afterwards my doc wanted me to send to a inpatient mental insitutute which required consent from two people. one was my doc who wanted me but the nurse who was treating me said that he is feeling better now , he should follow out patient psychiatric and psychological treatment. my thought so too and i went home.
i am on xanax four time a day now. feeling much much better but i get bouts of suicidal thoughts sometimes. initially they were frequeent but now they are getting away. and noiw my biggest fear si that i hope zoloft hasnt done permanent damage to my brain after 4 50mg doses. my psychiatrist and psychologists dont think so. but i am scared. i am very scared that these thoughts might go with me for the rest of my life and destroy my life one day.

i want someone to share their story which might have similiarity to what i have gone through... i need support which i iam getting from my wife. and immediate family, but the trauma is making me go crazy... any advice or suggestion will hope me. thanks to all for reading all this..

[beanp]

I have had that feeling many times during my 23 years of aniexty and depression.  It was because of the medication, I had that feeling on prozac and zoloft.  Do not take either, its a side effect from the meds.  I dont think you need to go for psychiatric treatment, (the doctor might want you to if you have good insurance because it will be all covered, they have a tendency to put people in hospitals if they have good insurance.)  I think you need to find the right meds for you Effexor xr is a very good med because it works on the brain different then Paxil, zoloft, prozac.  I was on effexor xr for 9 years with great results. I am trying paxil right now because I sweated so much when I was on effexor xr, but I think I am going to tell the doctor to put me back on it, it was the best for aniexty and I guess I will have to deal with the swearting .  As far as weight gain from effexor xr I only gained 8 pounds in 9 years.  Good luck.  

[silverberg]

YOu do not say your age, but this is a rare rare case, if you are older? question have you read up on zoloft? I am wondering if you are not a suggestive person, as zoloft has warnings of suicidal thoughts, but that is usually (99%) of the time in teens and younger.

I have done zoloft twice and the first time it saved my life, as in gave me back my life, the second time, I only stayed on it, 7 days as my panics and situations, was not as severe as the first time anyway, zoloft for that short term is already out of your system, read up on the half life. also if you get suicidal thoughts (NO MATTER HOW) small you might think it is, go to the E.R. immiditately, tell them to look at your HX and admit you, this is nothing to take lightly, also it would help you in the long run. wish you the best. keep posted on how your doing.

[Paxiled]

My understanding is that ssris cause violent and suicidal thoughts in all age groups.  They focused on the children and teens, but it's turning out that a lot of adults have suffered from it, too.  But it's not unique to Zoloft, Effexor can cause the same thoughts.  And generally it passes, it's only at the beginning of treatment that the suicidal thoughts most often occur.  However, these drugs can affect the personality; Paxil certainly made me more aggressive and angry, Prozac is notorious for causing weird thinking, I mean, they all target the brain, which is where our thinking is done -- it's only logical some of us are going to have weird reactions, and some won't.

[Mav1977]

Hi, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I have been doing great with xanax. my sucidal thoughts of hurting myself in different ways have now become a fear. when i say fear, i mean fear that i was thinking this way. now, the fear of having these fearful thoughts i had earlier drive me crazy sometimes. i feel down when i think that i was suicidal last thursday. its been a week now. but sometimes i think about suicide, but i quickly shutter it away. but i dont think about committing it. i am not sure how to take this behaviour. my psyhciatrist and pshychologist tell me that it is a normal process of getting over your trauma on what you went through. I hope that they are right and i am looking forward for getting rid of these thoughts all together.

any advice anyone if its normal to go through post traumatic stress and my behaviour

[Mav1977]

i am 31 years old and what do u mean by HX count? thanks

[bosnianworrier]

It appearantly was side effect of zoloft. It went away right? But now you are scared because you were suicidal?

Well don't be. It was a side effect just like any other. Only if you feel suicidal again, like someone mentioned above, seek help immediatelly.

Can you tell me if you knew that zoloft may make you suicidal? If you did, were you afraid that you may become suicidal?

[Mav1977]

yes, it was a side effect of zoloft. but all of these meds have side effects.... i knew there was a chance that zoloft can make me suicidal but i didnt knew how bad can it be. similiarly, i know that any anti depressant, even xanax i am taking right now can make me suicidal. but it helps me. it calms me down.
right now i feel like i have suicide phobia (fear) after the trauma i went through, it has scared me so much that i dont want to be alone at anytime. and also i get thoughts of how scary it can be and it eventually leads to my depression.
anyways, i am hoping with time it will go away. the best way is to tell myself that it will go away and be positive about life. but as of any incidence in life there are ups and downs and i have my downs too.... I have found faith to be helping me a lot of understanding this.

[bosnianworrier]

Good thing you feel better now. I had suicide phobia or what some people call suicide OCD and it bothered me a long time. Many times I "thought" I were suicidal when actually I wasn't.

But you keep close with your doctors especially when starting new meds. If fear of suicide persists, get some psychotherapy. It will go away.