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Confused and Scared

Hi (sorry in advance for the long post), I am a twenty year old male in Las Vegas and have been struggling with mental health problems for my whole life, but only realizing my thoughts were abnormal for the past 2 ½ years.  I was first diagnosed as a child with anxiety but we thought nothing of it.  Then, about 2 ½ years ago I had a near-psychotic meltdown, mostly about the devil and evil spirits, and was diagnosed with OCD and prescribed Anafranil and Zyprexa, which helped with the irrational thinking and obsessive thoughts a little.  Between now and then, I have been diagnosed with OCD, Social anxiety disorder, GAD, major depressive disorder, ADHD, and most recently, aspergers/high functioning autism.  I have also been told by a highly rated local psychiatrist that I have the worst anxiety he has ever seen.  No therapist or psychologist can help, some even say out loud that I “perplex” them or to look somewhere else.  My symptoms are:
• Horrible, untouchable anxiety
• Obsessive, ruminating thoughts – helped by Anafranil and Zyprexa
• IBS
• Very unfocused, disorganized thinking
• Very depressed
• Suicidal
• Think people are talking and laughing at me behind my back
• No ability to interpret my emotions (Alexithymia) or thoughts
• Most Aspergers/autism traits with extremely high intelligence.
• Irrational/Delusional – paranoid, unreasonable (Only sometimes)
• When on lower doses or no antipsychotics I hear voices a lot, but not usually clearly, sounding far off, not addressing me personally.
• Anger is getting worse
• Severe lack of motivation
• No pleasure in anything
• Inability to do almost anything, even everyday tasks, (no idea why)
• Other physical health problems
The meds I’ve been on are (most at max or above max dose):
• SSRIS- Lexapro, Celexa, Zoloft, Viibryd, Paxil, Prozac- all with no effect at all except made me more suicidal.
• Other antidepressants- Wellbutrin (made me angry), Anafranil (Helped control obsessive thinking), Cymbalta (no effect), Strattera (no effect)
• Antipsychotics- Zyprexa (works slightly, weight gain), Seroquel (doped me up, no help otherwise), Risperdal (no effect), Abilify (made me jittery, helped depression), Latuda (combined with zyprexa, no effect), Lithium (no effect except a rash), Geodon (slight effect, less than Zyprexa)
• Benzos- Valium, Librium (anger), Xanax, Klonopin (doped me up), Ativan –No effects on anxiety at all on any benzo.
• Others- Adderall (helped focus at first, not so much anymore), Inderal (no effect), Neurontin (helps anxiety ever so slightly), Trazadone (slept better, maybe), Buspar (no effect), Deplin (no effect), Topamax (no effect except acne)
• Currently on: Anafranil 200mg, Zyprexa 17.5mg, Neurontin 1800mg, Adderal 80mg
We don’t know what to do next. Symptoms are getting worse.  I have been hospitalized once, been to Mayo clinic, tried many psychiatrists and therapists, still no help.  Have tried once in this period of time to get off antipsychotics (only a couple of days) but with bad results (irrational, delusional).  Again, sorry for the long post, but we really need help, new meds, diagnosis suggestions, treatment suggestions, anything!
8 Responses
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Avatar universal
Can anyone describe to me your hallucinations while taking Seroquel? I'm interested in knowing what other people are seeing while on that med. I took it for a brief time several years ago, and I saw 3 angels.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi! I hope this can help! I spent almost 200 days between 3 hospitals due to mental illness. Only after many suicide attempts and hallucinations did we find out all the antidepressants and antipsychotics, and anti seizure meds including all the ones you are taking I was on were causing it! I was taking about 14 pills a day when they cut me off most of them because of my heart. It was a blessing in disguise. The only med I take now is Lamictal 400 mg a day (it has to be built up slowly) It's one you haven't mentioned which kind of amazes me. My hallucinations stopped which was again reason I wanted to end it all... I know it sounds risky but if they can take you off all that stuff that could be just making you worse and build up the lamictal... I have breakthrough moods I sometimes treat with Ativan as needed but my life turned around and haven't been in hospital for 10 yrs... There is hope! I also just found out blood. Pressure med Inderal LA makes me suicidal too... Some of our brains are way more. Sensitive!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Yeah, he's a little new but he seems to really understand what's going on.  He was talking about at least 1 other patient who had Aspergers and said he was doing pretty well.
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Avatar universal
I was going to ask you about CBT. Does your new therapist deal with with people that have OCD and Aspergers?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am in therpey, just started with a new counsoler, have been through CBT more than once, it helped a little.  Yes, thanks to zyprexa, I eat and sleep quite well, mostly healthy with no caffeine at all.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You're on 4 meds and they're not helping you much? I take it you're in therapy? Are you able to eat, sleep, do you eat really healthy and stay away from caffiene?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks for responding, I've had every doctor I've seen say ocd, and probably four or five say aspergers.  I'm currently on Anafranil 200mg, Zyprexa 17.5mg, Neurontin 1800mg, Adderal 80mg.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi, and welcome to the Anxiety Forum. We're here to support you and help anyway we can. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Can I ask if you've had more than one Dr give you this diagnosis? How many Drs have you seen and what meds are you taking right now? Keep posting, okay. We'll do our best to try and answer your questions.
Helpful - 0
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