Dealing with someone who doesn't understand...

I can't have a conversation with my mom about anything bothering me right now.  If I mention the anixety I'm experiencing all she does is tell me I unnecessarily make a big deal over everything, like I choose to want to feel this way!  If I say anything about being depressed she then accuses me of being suicidal, which I'm not.  Everytime I even try to talk to her she just ends up making me upset.  Yesterday she called me selfish and acted like I create these problems on purpose.

She knows I've been having a rough time yet she continues to only make things harder on me.  I've had several sessions with a professional counselor this past month.  She is referring me to a psychiatrist because she thinks I may need a different medication than the Zoloft my PCP prescribed.  My mom criticized the therapist and said she was out of line for pushig meds on me.  My therapist is trying to help me!  She knows what a struggle I've been doing through and she is much easier for me to talk to than my mom.

A few weeks ago, after telling my mom that I can't communicate with her, she told me to "f-off, leave her alone, and kiss her (butt).  This was after she tells me that she sits around worrying I'm going to do something to harm myself.  What kind of mother does that? Then she starts texting me acting like nothing ever happened.  When I tried to talk to her about it she acts like everything is my fault.

I've been dealing with serious anixety and depressions issues for years now but it got so bad after having surgery in December (gallbladder), that I knew I had to do something.  I feel like I've wasted the last 10 years of my life.  I have basically no social life, can't go on dates, and doing things that are simple for other people (going to stores, driving, and many other things) are really difficult if not impossible for me.  I'm always worrying about something.  I'm 26 still living at home with my Dad, never been in a relationship - not even on a single date, and working at the same lousy job I've had since high school.

Anyway, I was hoping someone could offer some advice on how to deal with my mom.  Is it better for me to just not speak to her?  Like I said, everytime I do she makes me feel even worse about myself.  I feel horrible now about myself and my life and she seems insistant on bringing up things that will make me feel worse.  Everyone else around me is supportive and thinks I'm doing the right thing by speaking with a counselor and trying to get help.  I already question everything to the point I don't even know what I think or feel.  Why does she have to make things so much harder on me?

[MMahon]

Depression/anxiety are emotional illnesses.  Where are your greatest emotional ties?
Your loved ones and other relatives!  :-)
So when your emotions are 'tugged at'.. the reactions are great, they are for everyone.
I sounds like you cannot expect the help and understanding you deserve from your mom.
Possibly she has 'emotional issues' of her own she's dealing with?
Try to find the things you and your mom can enjoy together.  If there aren't any, then keep your meetings cordial and brief.  

[WorriedOne84]

Yeah, I think my mom is dealing with issues as well.  When I try to talk to her she acts like I'm being critical of her as a parent and blaming my problems on her, I'm not.  I didn't say anything like that.  She said she hates herself and apologized to me for being my mother.  Then she preceded to delete both me and my sister off her FB account.  I think she feels guilty about things that happened when my dad and her split up and what my sister and I had to go through.  What am I supposed to do though?  Do I want to have a relationship with her, of course.  After the conversation yesterday maybe she is done talking to me anyway.  I need to deal with my issues and she is not helping at all, in fact, she makes things worse on me.  She is the one that moved away from here when she remarried.  She doesn't really have any friends there or anyone other than her husband to talk to.  It's so frustrating!  I try to tell myself that I don't care but at the same time it really does bother me.  Especially the things she said to me really hurt and I keep replaying it over and over in my mind.

[ramil]

BTW Tell your mom to chill. Zoloft is a great drug. It's a good, safe SSRI that works greatly with other meds but you usually need to add something else to your regiment other than a single ssri. I currently take 150mg of Zoloft and appx 1 mg of xanax daily and they work wonderfully together with zero interaction. I can still function and the anxiety is all but vanished.

[louthorn]

Maybe your mom is lashing out because she feels bad that she can't help you. It is hard to see someone you love going through something and not being able to make it better for them. I wouldn't keep replaying anything over and over. People say things they don't mean when they are upset. Try to forgive and forget. Also try talking about happy things and not the depression or anxiety.Make it a point to talk about everything, but that stuff. Who knows maybe she will come around soon.  Maybe ask your mom about her life and put your focus on trying to make her feel better, since you know she is unhappy too. Sometimes when things are bad in our own lives and we concentrate on trying to make someone else happy we tend to get a little bit stronger ourselves. Be happy you have a mom. I was taken away from my mom when I was young due to child abuse. About the not driving and dating..... just make yourself do it little by little and once you see you did it eventually it won't scare you. Take care!!1

[hmf099]

it sounds like other than your mom you have a good support system, so maybe it would be best to only talk to them about your anxiety/depression and talk to your mom about other things. if you really want her involved try showing her this site, maybe she could see that many people have these problems and you're not "bringing it on yourseld". some people will never understand our condition so they can't sympothize with it. best of luck to you.