Death causing anxiety

A year ago on friday (october 22nd) 4 kids in my grade got into a really horrible car accident.  The driver, Cody Montana died.  I have a very small high school, only 300 kids total, so this was absolutly horrible for everyone in my small community.  I can't say i was very close to him, but he was a friend.  He has always been apart of my "group" of friends but only in the last parts of his life did i start to know him pretty well.  My boyfriend, however, was absolute best friends with him.  They called eachother brothers becuase they practically live together.  Everyone says this about people who die, but Cody truely was the most friendly and good-hearted person I'll ever know.  He was soo well known in our school becuase he was friends with EVERYONE. He was known for his "big bear hugs" where he would hug you so tight, you know automatically that everything was alright.  He is also a reallly hilarious kid.  He always lit up the room wherever he was.  Anyways, the date is coming up really fast....all year I have spent comforting my boyfriend who is absolutly devistated..and ive always had anxiety, but not of this kind of stuff.  My anxiety is always medical things, but recently i have had really REALLY bad anxiety about this upcoming date.  I can't eat...when i do i get soooo nausious (My #1 anxiety is of throwing up so its really bad) and even when i dont eat im super nausious.  I also keep getting randomly sooo dizzy and panic-y and i really am having such a hard time about this one year aniversary.  I tell my boyfriend everything, but i have trouble talking to him about this stuff because Cody was his best friend.  I feel stupid for being sooo effected when i didnt know Cody nearly as well was my boyfriend did (THey were best friends since 3rd grade).  I've learned how to deal with my medical anxiety.....but I have absolutly no idea how to deal with this.  Its absolutly killing me.  What can I do??

[kane3]

Hello, I'm sorry to hear that your going through such trying times with the one year coming up, and you being connected in a way that other people weren't because of your boyfriend, who was such good friends with him. Alot of the symptoms you have been explaining is all anxiety related of course, there just hightened to a different level you have not yet experienced, which is totally normal. Don't keep yourself in a whirlwind of thoughts, because you'll find the way out will be harder to find than your normal attacks that you experience. I myself lost a true friend in a car accident at the age of 16 and his 25th birthday just passed on Sept. 25th. He died in next to me. Alot of the anxiety I have faced in life has come from all different sources and has affected me differently too. But overall, I try to take the same approach at managing my anxiety so It doesn't get the best of me, which I suggest you try too. Your still so young in age and at heart and you havent experienced things in life that will also affect you and your anxiety disorder in different ways. That's okay, because if you start now at trying to take new angles of approaching your anxiety, your chance of feeling better could help you down the road with other problems that arise. I personally would try to be there for your boyfriend to an extent. Meaning give him your unconditional love that you do, but don't let this affect your health in a negative way. Express your emotions and feelings towards this situation and let him know you will be there as much as you can, but you also need to be there for yourself and take care of you first. Your friend is in a better place, and will always be an angel looking down on all of you. So mourning his death should be a joy in celebrating the times he had on earth and the impact he had on everyones life. When you start to celebrate as the years go on, you'll find your anxiety decrease to a point where the anxiety will not even be noticed, and this will help when other things you'll have to go through arise. Be there for yourself, put yourself first, and everything will come in hand because of the kindness and support you give to everyone. I wish you the best, and if you need someone to talk to if you find things are hard and the anxiety is bothering you, please feel free to message me anytime!

Kane