Death

Death is something we all are generally concerned for in one way or another, either it be our own death or of a loved ones. However my anxiety on the subject has got me rather frustrated as my mind also takes part in imagining what that "bump" in the night could have been. I usually suspect it to be my roommate falling over (and dying) or one of my cats being crushed by some unknown object.
It's such a constant paranoia that I feel to release my emotions on people before I leave, just in case I get in some unknown scenario where I could possibly die. When my boyfriend leaves the house, I say "don't die". As I honestly believe he will die, but with other anxieties I had in the past I have learned not to act on these heavy emotions to their fullest extent. If someone doesn't answer the phone, I worry until they call me back (I do not call multiple times). If someone knocks on the door I think it's a murderer, and if my boyfriend sleeps to heavily I believe if I can't wake him up right away he has also died.
Thankfully these anxieties are kept on the inside, and though I sweat on various occasions because of this paranoia. It doesn't effect my daily life other than my personal feelings at the time, and the occasional checking to make sure someone/something is okay.

The strangest part about it, to me, is that I have never been so afraid of death before. As I have been a suicide case for years now, I really have no second thought to my own death. My fear is for the life altering aspect for others if I die, and if others die the life altering effects there as well. Just bringing up the subject to see if anyone has any input. Thanks!

[SMind]

Oh yes, I'd also like to mention that I do have OCD. If this helps anything at all.

[nexus788]

The suicide thing could be a compulsion in order to relieve your anxiety. This is the case with me I think. Of course it is only a short term fix and in the long run makes things worse as is the case with all ocd compulsions.

I have pure O so my compulsions aren't so obvious. For instance, I may at times had a fear that I would harm someone I care about (obsession) so therefore I feel I should shut myself in my room (compulsion).

I don't think that it's strange that you know have a fear for the effects death could have on you even though you have never been afraid of your own personal death. It's ocd, the content of the thoughts is at times meaningless. The feeling of fear and intrusive thought patterns are the same.

I might be completely wrong about all of this so it's probably best you talk to a pdoc. I hope you get well soon.

[lil_misss23]

I'm a bit the same. I worry that people close to me will die or something will happen to my pets before I get home. I also have ocd. When I was a bit younger I used to think I would die everywhere I went. Walking down the St thinking cars and trucks would hit me. And things happening to me at work. Its not so bad now. I also imagine people breaking into the house etc.

[greenlydia]

Great thread you've got going and I would suggest you post it on the OCD Forum where others can join in and share. JGF, the CL over there is great, she knows first hand what you're all dealing with and she will have some great insights for you. She is also very knowledgable about anxiety issues which so often go hand in hand with OCD.
I wish you all the peace you deserve
Greenlydia

[SMind]

Thanks everyone. I'm not necessarily sure if it's an OCD thing or an anxiety thing (even though OCD is strongly related to anxiety). As my compulsions are next to nothing because of my past workings with it. Though I mainly have O as well, due to the constant repetitive thoughts I encounter everyday. It may be related to OCD afterall. I thought it was just some strange general anxiety strike. I'll post it on the OCD forum. :)

[Bodylove222]

Hi where is this OCD forum? I am glad to hear that others suffer from obsessive irrational thoughts. When I was a child I suffered from slight OCD and migraine with aura which comes from genetic of my fathers side.
Neither really affected my life or interfered, until about 2 years ago I started getting other neurological symptoms where my legs and arms felt numb and my legs were weak. Then I started to get severe fatigue and memory loss with blurry vision and a stiff neck that was so painful I could barely keep. it up. rashes on my chest and seeing spots in vision. I also began developing a slight mild dementia getting lost in familiar places and not recognizing people easily. This is not normal for a healthy 26 year old female.
The drs did all of the bloodwork to check for lymes,lupus infections disease, anemia thyroid, Wilson's disease, B12 defencies  and every disease out there. All resulting negative, which just a high bilirubin which is benign condition drs said and many people test high for in the liver enzymes. Then I got a MRI of brain, neck, and back all negative. The drs were thinking of doing spinal tap. But I am being referred to a big university for second opinion.
I have a huge career and now needs to be put on hold. I want to rule out severe neurodegenerative  disorders .
After all these symptoms started a year later I started developing irrational thoughts and fear of dying and I began to overbreath constantly and think about it every moment. This has left me home bound filled with severe anxiety and paranoia, I can't sleep well, I get nightmares,, and feel like I'm looking thru tunnel vision,.my body feels numb and my mouth so dry, and I feel like if I don't consciously breath I will die or something. I am fainting and the vertigo is so bad I can barely stand. My eyes are dry and my appetite is gone. I cannot enjoy anything? Do you think my prior health symptoms activated a severe anxiety disorder? Or was it that all along manifesting on different symptoms, the breathing symptoms just started recently so that's when the really scary symptoms of feeling like I'm going crazy started. Could it still have been anxiety all along and now chronic hyperventilation  in later stages?  Any help is so greatly appreciated! I really loved my life and don't know why this would start gradually i never suffered from depression before and now am getting worse out of nowhere? Thanks for your help in advance.

[nlk259949]

I am so sorry you are experiencing this!!Honestly, from what I have been and am experiencing with anxiety/stress, that is what it sounds like has caused your problems for you. It seems like something that has built up over time, and has become something big, out of something small. This has happened with my anxiety as well. Is there anything or anyone in your life that is making you unhappy or causing you to have anxiety? That usually is a trigger for suppression of anxiety, which will in turn cause very real feeling physical symptoms. If this is your case, these symptoms are only a feeling, and could literally be gone in a day if your anxiety went away. I have had the worst nausea, headaches, blurred vision, disorientation, feeling like I am going to pass out, head fog, muscle pain etc, and have done things certain days to make my anxiety less, and the next day certain pains are gone. I also was having severe chest pains for awhile, went to the doctor, everything was fine--the pain immediately went away (I was sure I was having a heart attack or something was wrong before I went in). That just proved to me how anxiety can trick us into thinking we have something wrong with us, when it is just anxiety to begin with. So somehow anxiety can literally debilitate our body (but our bodies are not literally damaged in those moments of pain, like we perceive it to be). The ER doctor told me that it would take year of stress to cause actual damage to the heart. I assume that true with most parts of the body, considering the heart is the most vital. Try to really think back to anything that has caused you suppressed anxiety?  Also, this website helps a lot--http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/. And, as far as death worries go, you and anyone else that has worries about death, should go to this website as well- http://www.near-death.com/. It has accounts of different near death experiences from people of all different religions, etc. There are accounts of people who were literally pronounced dead at the site of an accident, and then randomly came back in the hospital. To me, this is real evidence of the afterlife. It really calmed me down about any worries about death. I am a Christian, but have an open mind, and I think that anybody of any religion can relate to these experiences. I think they sound very Godly to me (for which ever God anyone believes in). Mainly though, these experiences are about love, and that is what life and death are really all about. Maybe reading some of this will help you as well. I hope you get better soon!