Hey I'm Hannah and I'm 17(:
When I was 9 I was diagnosed with depression and when I was 11 (after a traumatic experience) I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.Even though it sounds stupid but the traumatic experience was me throwing up in my mothers car. After that I refused to eat in a cars, eat before I have to get in a car, eat then get in the car and so on. I would go for no eating binges. And I mean since I was 11 I can now go 5 days without any food and 3 without water, I know when I'm about to pass out and when I'm to dehydrated and get myself under control or end up in the ER which I have twice now. My family knows and so does my entire group of therapists and doctors. Now my eating disorder has shown up whenever I'm going anywhere with anyone. I can't even eat around my family. Currently my boyfriend has been trying to get me to break this habit and has been very successful. He has gotten me to eat with my family, eat with him and is now trying to get me to eat in his car. But 3 Days ago I was diagnosed with OCD. I have this obsessive thought (I don't want to say what it is because I know I would be judged harshly for it) My doctor prescribed me with Risperdal. I know Ive only been taking it for 3 days but it seems to be helping a little. BUT. My eating disorder has taken over. I can't eat. I made myself believe that if I eat my thought will come true. I know it sounds so stupid but I started counting to. If I let myself eat (which is VERY rare) I have to eat an even number or this will happen,If I don't take an even amount of steps that will happen. It's a constant this or that will happen scenario. I can't stand it. Since it's only been a few days I know my meds aren't strong enough to help me yet with that and I expect that but what can I do to stop this eating thing. And why is it the first thing I run to when I'm scared? Cutting off food? It doesn't make sense. Anyone know?
Hi! First thing is to be grateful for such a wonderful boyfriend, he obviously cares very much about you! Know that you are on the right track! OCD is what is causing these thoughts and with the medication and CBT you can and will get better. When it comes to OCD and the way we think when we have it is NEVER stupid, so please don't beat yourself up over this. You were making great progress and hit a bump in the road....keep doing your best to move forward. In my opinion the eating is the only thing you feel you have control of right now. Your thoughts are running rampid and you can't control them, so you do the one thing you can control....your eating. Be patient with yourself and know it has to be done in baby steps. Your body needs nourishment so you need to eat. Your thoughts...as real as the feel are only thoughts and can't hurt you unless you let them. Your mind tells you that "logically" you shouldn't eat....but you know better, so work on eating, little by little. Once your medication kicks in and you've been in CBT for awhile you are going to beat this! I know you're frustrated and scared, but OCD is not something you can beat on your own, you need help and that's okay! Remind yourself that YOU are in control and each days will bring you closer to feeling better. You can and will do this...big hugs to you!
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