Emitophobia

Ever since I was a little girl I have been afraid of throwing up. There is nothing that I can remeber that caused the fear, except maybe one time when my dad had some gastrointestinal virus and I had it too. I was sick all night and it was the most horrible thing ever, so I'm not sure if that triggered the fear or not. I have been sick since then, the last time being my junior year of high school. I am now a Jr. in college.

Anyway...my senior year of high school the fear got particularly bad. I was nervous about leaving for college and I was always very busy and stressed, but I had always coped well. Around Christmas time, I went to my family doctor complaining of chronic stomach pain that was nagging throughout the day and worse at night. I would wake up or not be able to fall asleep because of the pain and nausea. I ate antacids like they were candy and drank Sprite like it was from the fountain of youth. I would have bouts of dirrahea, sometimes my poop would be green, sometimes it would be black, sometimes it would be yellow. I ended up going to a gastrointerologist who perscribed me Nexium for acid reflux and told me I had IBS. I had stopped eating meals altogether because every time I ate I was nauseated. The nausea started to cause me to have panic attacks, which I was perscribed Zoloft for. These panic attacks would happen right in the middle of class, and I would leave school- go home and sit in my bath tub. At night I would walk my 17-18 year old self into my parents bedroom cry, have a panic attack, and sleep on their floor all night at least once or twice a week. For close to 4 months I did not go a day without horrible stomach pain. For about 4 months I did not eat anything but bananas, toast, applesauce, saltines, and occasionally a turkey and bread or peanut butter and banana only sandwhich. I drank Ensure because my hair and nails started to become brittle. I wanted more than anything to eat, I was just so afraid I was going to throw up. It consumed my every thought. I woke up and it was the first thing that crossed my mind. I went to bed scared to death I would wake up in the middle of the night sick, which typically caused me not to sleep in the first place. I was tired and cranky. I didn't go out with my friends, I would sit home and cry or sit in the bathtub because it seemed to comfort me. As time went on I think I started to realize I was only making myself sick. Every stomach growl, every weird feeling, every time I went to the bathroom I analyzed everything. I had a scoring system based on times I'd been sick before. If I started to feel bad around 9 PM that was bad because that was the time I started to feel bad the last time I had been sick. If it progressivly got worse by 11 PM that was worse because I vomitted the last time around 11 PM. If I had solid poop that day my chances of getting sick were not as good, if I had diarrehea my chances of getting sick that day were good. There were more of these rules that I had made up. I did start to get better slowly but surely. I started eating much more regularly, and the fears I had seemed to consume me less and less, but never totally left me.

However, now in my junior year of college I am starting to have the same issues. I sleep hardly at all because of pain and fear. I have panic attacks even though I'm still on the Zoloft. I skip meals and eat bland things. I sleep on the floor and take really long showers to try and comfort myself. I have tried to stay clear of antacids unless it's really bad. I stay in the dorm on the weekends because I'm afraid I'm sick or I'll catch something from someone. I get paranoid about washing my hands to the point they crack and bleed. I have developed a circulation problem on the skin on my stomach because I use a heating pad to ease the cramping I get in my sides and intestines. The fear has started to consume my thoughts all the time again...I sought consuling last semester and it seemed to help just a little, but not significantly. I am A MESS!!!

Does anyone else relate even kind of to this? Does anyone have any suggestions?? ANYTHING would be wonderful. Thank you!

[MrGreen]

I ended up in hospital because I stopped eating last year. The thought that no food in my stomach would mean no throwing up. I lost so much weight as a result. It has always been a big fear of mine. Instead of stopping eating this year, I simply changed my eating times. I always felt it effected worst during later hours in the evening. I also stir well clear of people I know who are sick. To avoid illness. But last year there came a point were I just got on with things. Like I said ' to he77 with this '. I began eating as normal. Now it did come back on at the start of November just gone. That is when I changed my eating times. Last food was about 3pm. It was either that or eat nothing again. I think it can effect people to various degrees. Some people always feel sick. Stomach pains and the likes. Others spend the whole day belching. Bit like they are in a battle against their own mind and body. Were medication can ease the anxiety. I think rationalization is the only thing that will solve the whole problem. What are the real chances of catching something? OK, If a person has something, you might catch it. But I used to go so far as to imagine people had things and go through a battle with the symptoms of what I thought they had. Trying to fend them off. I have stopped all that now. I don't think everybody has an illness these days. That helps the situation somewhat. Because I used to work myself for no reason at all with this fear of having things I never had. So try a bit of rational thinking. Not everybody has an illness. Those who do you can still avoid if you must. But what they have you might not catch. It is either that or go on fighting yourself. Wish you the best of luck with it.