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Ever have an overwhelming feeling
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Ever have an overwhelming feeling

from God, that everything is going to be okay?

This happened to me in the car a few months ago, when I was worried I had herpes. Then the test came back negative. I was literally so, so happy.

Over the past few months, I have gone back to worrying that it could have been a false negative, and I neglect to remember that this previous experience (spiritual) happened. I have actually been almost driving myself nuts with worry.

Do you guys think that I should truly believe that message I was given still?

Thanks.

8 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
It seems like we are going through a similar situation... I am driving myself crazy with worry as well. I had a negative swab of an ulcer and was so relieved. But now I am second guessing that due to false negatives and have not gotten a bloodtest yet. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years but I'm still terrified. I also have pain on the left side of my vulva/groin area and noticed you did too... I am thinking it's anxiety related as I am so scared of herpes. Did you ever figure out what was causing that pain for you?

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Avatar_f_tn
Hey! Yes it does sound like it. I'd love to talk if you'd like to.

This whole situation has basically been eating away at me for the past 7 months. It is taking away from my well-being/mental health. Like it always ends up in the back of my mind, and when i'm alone it is the worst.
Was the left side where you had your ulcer? I saw that you are looking into Behcet's as well. Have you heard of a Lipschutz Ulcer? If you have ever had Mono, that is a possibility as well. I always am hoping what I had was a Lipschutz Ulcer, but the thing is it's not like I have been having severe sore throats...However, I had Mono when I was young and if it comes back a second time, symptoms are normally less noticeable I have heard.

Yeah I always wonder if maybe these pains were something I always experienced, but now I am just so much more aware of them? It's just weird though that I would feel pain specific to the left side though. The left is not where my ulcer was though.
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Avatar_f_tn
Also -- I never had a blood test either. I am too scared to do that. Plus, it might worry me for nothing when I may just have HSV type 1 on the mouth or something.
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Avatar_f_tn
I also still don't know what is going on with the pain. After two weeks, today the pain seems to be mostly gone.. but I just don't know. I was at the doctor this week and she said her best guess was that I had a swollen lymph node in there and that was causing the pain, but to me that doesn't seem like the kind of pain I was experiencing.

Also, I am in my early 20s as well.
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Avatar_f_tn
Wow it sounds like we are in such similar situations! I feel the exact same about the bloodtest. Ultimately it doesn't matter if I have it or not since it would be from my boyfriend and I know we will stay together but still the thought of it is making me feel depressed. I am too scared to get it! Mine sounds so similar to lipshutz or other non sexually related ulcers.

The description of the ulcer you put on my other post is exactly the same but mine was on the left side. It was on my upper labia minora and more maybe a nickel size. Round with defined raised borders. There wasn't any extra redness around it or anything. The exact same thing happened with the white/grey stuff it was almost like a crust loosely on top of the deeper ulcer that appeared a day or so after I noticed it. It came off and then it was open and so painful to pee. You had a negative swab too right? How long had you had it when you got the swab? Mine was about 30 hours after.

The feeling on my left side is so bizarre. I honestly think it might be anxiety related. It doesn't hurt to touch at all it's more like I'm just aware of a sensation down there that's deeper inside. Saying tingling doesn't seem to even explain it properly it's like a tension? when I'm out and distracted and/or drinking I don't even notice it so that's why I wonder if it's in my head. It's been a few weeks now. I've heard psychological issues can cause vulvodynia and pelvic floor muscle tension so maybe that's it? How long ago did you have your ulcer now? Mine came like 9 weeks ago and this feeling just started about 3 weeks ago, bizarre!
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Avatar_f_tn
To be honest, for me, the hard part is my thinking that others would look at me differently if I had herpes. Like it makes me really upset to think that that is how people judge, because herpes is such a stigmatized disease. This whole experience has really taught me A LOT though. Like, it makes me look at everything differently, and i've realized you really can never be too quick to judge. None of us have any idea what everyone has been through, and it should also not be a deal breaker. Like if this was something I could not give to someone else, I am fine with suffering through it. I guess I just am afraid of the stigma....

But then again, I apparently don't even have herpes! lol.  When I found my ulcer, I got it checked out I guess a day and half later. I found it late on a Monday night and was at the doctor by Wednesday morning. I remember it was painful when she picked the skin/area for the culture, so I do feel like she got a good one. When I found out it came back negative I was literally the happiest person alive. Like for real. I told myself I needed to promise myself I can't look things up online anymore..that only lasted for a few months though.  -- but that's probably half the reason you and I are also so paranoid-- because we've completed read up on herpes and delved into it.


If yours isn't painful to the touch, then yeah maybe it really is anxiety-related Honestly the mind is a really powerful thing.

My mom worries for my mental health now because i've been so worried about this 24/7 for the past few weeks. I guess it got brought on again because I started having weird pains. My ulcer came about 7 1/2 months ago. Maybe the first month or so after I would sometimes get a sharp pain in my vulva area it felt like. They were bizarre. Anyways, at that time I kind of brushed it off. Then in February I started worrying because I had a rash, but I honestly think it resulted because I used disposable razors down there and also I run a lot at the gym and was wearing tight shorts that I think were chafing the area. I also was on cephalexin for an infected toe and I thought that gave me a yeast infection. ...... So idk. None of that made me feel any better though. Then I would say early May/end of April I had shooting, twinges of pain. I also felt like I had abdominal pain. It was just weird and very strong for a few weeks. I would check down there, but nothing. I went to the doctor for the pain at a walk in clinic. He tested me for a UTI, but it was fine. I had  just gotten off of birth control at the time, and his guess was the pain was related to this. Also, I have again been checked for different stds. Negative for all. I just was retested this week just in case. All came back negative too. For the record though, I haven't had sex since early December.

Also about tingling -- I never thought anything i've had felt like tingling. Like maybe I don't even know what that would feel like, but when I've felt tingling on my body from like after drinking or whatever, I haven't felt that down there.

Two weeks ago I started having pain on my left side. It's like, I couldn't tell if it was sore to the touch or what. I would try poking the area and I couldn't find exactly where it was. Like at one time I thought it felt sore to the touch. but also not. It never burned/stung when I peed or anything -- so I took that as a good sign! haha. And also as you said, it does seem like when I keep busy I don't notice it. Last Wednesday though, the pains were really bad. Like they felt sharp and I remember texting my mom and I was like "I 100 percent KNOW something is going on down there." I was too afraid to look though, but she looked for me later that day and we saw nothing...    

So it's all a mystery to me. Not that I want you to experience this, but it's nice that we can talk about this together and to know we're not alone.
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Avatar_f_tn
I agree! I've never read anything the same as mine except for you and our situations are identical even when we went to the doctor. Cultures are supposed to be accurate in that time and with such large lesions you'd think it would be! Mine hurt when she did it too. I'm obsessive about checking down there and last Wednesday I noticed a microscopic cut looking thing but it's been the same since then and doesn't hurt so I'm thinking it might be normal. I can't even tell what's wrong and what's not. I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me and then I get sooo anxious and this feeling started getting bad again. I get some twinges of pain but mainly it's dull. My doctor also thinks it's anxiety related!

I don't know if we can post links but look at this:  http://piel-l.org/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/RA_07-10.pdf

It explains ulcers and they look exactly like mine. Especially with the white on top but mine had no black part. I had a fever before I got mine and had a bacterial infection in my throat and neck lymph node. It seems that these can be reactive ulcers to a distant infection. Did you experience anything like this??

Do you ever feel like you want to just get a bloodtest to check? I want to wait until the 4 month mark at least but I feel like id be too scared to actually go through with it. I just can't imagine having the results be positive. My doctor thinks it's a very low risk that it would be positive and that I just need to get the test and face my fears. But I'm so scared. I've been sleeping with my boyfriend for 4 years unprotected and he's never had symptoms so I think that's a strike against herpes at least. Did/have you have a partner since all this started? My mental state is horrible. I think about this literally 24/7 everything I do. I just got a promotion at work and at my desk I can hardly focus. If I have this I know I will need anti depressants, I just don't want to have it like the stigma is for sure the reason. I would be so hard on myself for having it even if no one else knew. It's extremely hard. I'm glad we can share our stories it is really helping me right now!
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Avatar_f_tn
Of those 3 pictures, I would say mine most-closely resembled the first one. It had a red ring and the inside had turned white/grey/yellow. It was also very round like in that picture. Mine also was on the labia majora, like in that picture. I would say the covering on mine was almost even more white/yellowish/grayish than in the pic. What I noticed about mine when I had it was that it's borders were super-defined.     Yes, I had what felt like the flu before I found the ulcer. I couldn't stop sleeping and I just felt super sick. Like all that in the head and achy. Everything. I also had a sore throat.. but I remember I couldn't tell if it was actually really sore or if it was because I had thrown up. I never throw up after drinking really, but on this weekend (yes I still went out anyway...typical lol) I threw up Friday and Saturday night after drinking. So that was off. I did notice that last semester I was sleeping more than I felt I used to. but I don't know if that had anything to do with anything.

Yes, I do sometimes really want to get the blood test to just check because then at least I would have an answer. I know a lot of doctors do not recommend the test because I guess it can be misleading, and also for the fact they know it could cause so much anxiety to people that weren't even having symptoms. .... Yeah I don't know. By before the end of this summer I may go get it so I can move on with my life. Ignorance is bliss, but not when you feel so unsettled.

You're right, it is super hard. It's the hardest thing I have ever been through! Hopefully we are getting one step closer to an answer though. I'm here to talk/text if you ever need to because I know how that can be. I feel bad that you are worrying yourself this sick, although I can't deny I normally am doing the same thing. If it's not one day, it's the next. Like yesterday I was on the beach, but what did I do the ENTIRE time? Google things about this. It is literally taking over my life and the things I love.

Not sure if I mentioned, but I was at the doc a month ago for a physical and before I left I brought up the test from back when it happened and asked her about it/told her how I have been paranoid. She first asked me if I had finished out the acoclyvir she had prescribed me when the initial ulcer happened before I had gotten results, which I never completely finished -- but at the time I also didn't think it was doing anything. I just remember I started taking it and then my ulcer was burning when I peed the next few days..so I felt like it got worse..but I don't know.....   Anyways, I told her I never finished it and then she pulled up the test and looked at it and said  that she had gotten a really good test back from the culture and that she really didn't think that's what it was.

The irony of my situation was though that I had unprotected sex for the first time in my life 10 days prior to when this whole thing happened. So obviously I was convinced it had to be herpes...   I always think back to the night when it happened. He was a guy I was with for like 3 months prior to when this happened and we only had sex a couple times. I did not want to do it without a condom, but idk I was trying to seem relaxed and not so uptight and went with the flow, which obviously was the stupidest mistake I could have made. I asked him before we did though if he had been tested for STDs and he made me feel very assured that he had and that that should be the least of my worries. Go figure though. Ha. So obviously when this showed up 10 days later..I.was.TERRIFIED. Before him I have also been with a few different guys, but they were each with protection and before him the last person I was with had to be like, 6 or 7 months before that.  

& yeah i'm glad to help :) Talking to you is really helping me as well!!
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