Everything is falling apart!

I had convinced myself over the last few months that I was doing the right thing by going to counseling -- thinking that I had the ability to change things...wrong!  You know what I've realized not only do I not have the ability to change, I'm not even sure that I really want to.  There are so many things that I claim to want out of life -- college degree, career, family -- yet I do nothing to make those a possiblity.  In fact, I somehow make sure that none of those can come true.  Maybe I self sabotage just to protect myself from disappointment, failure, and rejection.

Anyway, todays crisis involve college and whether I should drop the class I'm taking this semester.  Since I hadn't taken any classes in several years I decided to enroll in just one, Into. to Business, and it's an online class.  Well, the class involves doing a handful of writing assignment which you have to post on a discussion board for all of the class to read. Also, you have to comment on what other people write as well.  The problem is, I have tons of paper writing anxiety and even trying to choose a topic stresses me out.  Even though this is online, I won't be face to face with these people, I'm still worried by what they would think of my choice of topic and my writing ability.  My life is pretty much controlled by worry of what others think of me.  Tomorrow is the last day that I could drop the class and receive a refund.  To me this is a lose/lose situation because I can never see things going well.  Either I drop the class, feel disappointed and ashamed of myself, and embarrassed to admit to people that I didn't stay with it -- or, I stay with it, end up getting discouraged and not doing the assignments, waste money, and feel like a total failure.  What in the world should I do?  I just need someone to talk to right now.

[SassyLassie]

I understand where you are coming from. I am trying to go to college too. I took an on-line class this summer, just one as I have been out of school for many moons. It was a class to learn how to do "Angel" the program that on-line classes are done on. I was petrified at first, but, as I went along, I started to like it, my confidence grew, I got great grades, and no one ever criticized what I wrote on the discussion boards. I did half of mine in class and half on-line. Now, I am trying to decide if to continue as my financial aid is bulking at paying for classes I want to take but are not in my program. I have felt like quitting all together, but, I, too, have a bad habit of starting things and then quitting due to fear, nerves, etc. September 20 classes start for fall, I don't have much time left to decide. I do know that when I face my fears, after the first few days I am so glad I did. I bet you will be the same.

As to worrying about what others think or will say about what you write, the heck with them, they are not getting your grade, you are, they should be minding their own work, if they say something critical and it hurts, just ignore them, or, if possible, delete the comment. It is up to you to get the good grades, those monkeys don't have any bearing on your grades at all. If they don't like your topic or the way you write, that is their problem, not yours. Besides, they may not say or think anything wrong at all.  You may just be worrying about something that will never happen, I know all too well about that as I do that very thing.

Hang in there Worried One, I say you CAN do it, and I bet you do well. You will feel so good and proud of yourself when you really get into the class. Also, I don't know if you are a Christian, but if you are, then lean on the Lord, He will get you through this, I know He has helped me lots. :-)