Extreme anxiety with chronic anxiety symptoms

Hi Everyone,
                  I'm suffering from social phobia, panic disorder, agoraphobia and general anxiety since i'm 19yo. I was somewhat in a stable state without panic and general anxiety for almost 6 years, so between 22yo to 28yo. In 2004, after a painfull surgery, I start having social phobia again. My Family Doc referred me to a PDoc in 2007, after many failure on severals meds.

Since 2007, i'm seeing a PDoc. We try everything (Old MAOI's-Nardil-Parnate, Old TCA's - Clomipramine, Imipramine, Despiramine, Notryptiline, Elavil, all the SSRI's and the SRNI's including the newer Pristiq, Remeron, cymbalta), all the antipsychotic meds (old and new generation), we also try some anticonvulsive meds (Neurontin, Lyrica, Topamax), Beta-blockers, Clonidine, Mirapex...and all the Benzo meds...we try almost everything with the exception of the Valproic acid, the Keppra, Tegretol and Trileptal.

I'm now only on 8 mg of Rivotril daily and it's not working anymore on me. The PDoc and the Neurologist think that I developp resistant Gaba-a receptors and that benzo meds will never be helpfull for me anymore...

Anyway, now i'm dealing with chronic anxiety with many symptoms who last all day long.

I'm having also now a chronic fatigue problem, as well as chronic tension headache with sometimes migraines, simple phobias  because of my heart high blood pressure problem with really weird pulse rate (most of the time very low with constant dizziness OR very fast when I drive) like fear of driving my car or being alone at home and take my shower or go to the toilet.

So my question is: Is it normal that i'm now feeling all the time my heart beat and having a high blood pressure all the time with very low pulse rate (between 50-55), dizziness, extreme sudation from hands and feet, intense headache, jaw pain, pins and needles in all the left side of my body, especially when I have to do task who increase a lot my anxiety and when i'm a lot worried or have a lot of apprehensions and fears about something like driving my car or going out of the house???

The heart phobia start when I was on a trail of the med call Parnate, an old MAOI antidepressant. I had several hypertensives crisis without food interraction. After that trail, I start having a focus on my heart, something that I never care before or notice.

Now I can't do anything physical because if my heart start pulsing to fast, I have a panic attack, BUT I can also have a panic attack when I have a very low pulse rate.

In fact, I can't stop taking my pulse rate, I really try to forget it but I can feel all the time my heart beating really strong ( I can see it under my shirt!!!). When it's low pulse rate i'm all the time tired and a lot dizzy, so that's hard to drive my car or just take a walk or my shower for example and when it's high pulse rate I tend to have panic attack and my energy level is also very low before and after the panic...

Blood pressure is always higher than 140/90... sometimes less in the morning but not often...

I'm not a fit guy, I smoke 25 cigarettes a day, I don't eat well, i'm overweight of 30 pounds (210 pounds for 6 feet). I try several times to stop smoking but it's seem to make me more anxious and I had a gastric by-pass to loose weight in the past so I don't want to start a diet, I already have some gastric problem...diet is not a solution for me...and exercises is something that I can't do for now...

I had several tests for my head (Neurologist), she RX a med (Sandomigran) to block the 5HT2C and she told me it will make it easier to start a SSRI med and decrease my headache pain but I can't take it, I have too much side-effects... she think that my head pains are all linked to a lack of serotonin and too much of some of the serotonin receptors in my brains...

I also had heart tests done this year, I consult a Cardiologist and I had a holter test (24 h), I had also a stress test with an ultrasound of my heart. The Cardiologist say my heart is fine and don't seem to care about my pulse rate or the high blood pressure that's why I have a lot of difficulties to believe him since it's getting worse each day.

I'm now all the time tired also and  I have to stay home to keep the level of pain and anxiety tolerable and by tolerable I mean sit on the couch and try to stay calm, if I heard a loud noise or i'm worried about a small thing anxiety increase to the point that I have depersonalisation feeling. If i'm going out of the house and drive my car, that's a nightmare, headache increase and all the symptoms get worse also and I always thought that I will have a heart attack or faint while I drive the car.

Do I have to stop worried about the pins and needles sensation in my left arm, hand and leg? Did I have to blame just my anxiety problem for all the symptoms I live each day...

I'm in that state since november 2009, after a painfull surgery (hemmorroids).

I try to start again the Paxil, who is the only one antidepressant med who help me to stop worry about my heart and stop the panic, but I can't start it again because I have a lot of side-effects who scare me. I try to start it again at 1mg and it was a nightmare for 1 week...so for now i'm wating that my PDoc order it in liquid form to start it very low around 0.5mg day...

I just need to be reassured and know if i'm the only one person here who have chronic weird anxiety symptoms all day long for a long time...

Thanks for any answer I can get!

Vincent ;-)

[calmshell]

hi there again..

thx for your message.. I really understand that about trying to exercise w/anxiety, you start to wonder about your heart rate, etc.. I have definitely done this w/exercise..although I don't as much anymore because i say to myself, "my body needs some of this exercise, and my mind is just once again starting to scare me..that is all." I hadn't mentioned (except really for thoughts ) that I get anxiety occasionally with that (exercise) and I definitely used to monitor all the time my heart/heart rate...

when i  had a doctor appointment last year, my blood pressure was kind of high, because I was so nervous of JUST THAT..of it being high!!  about 10 minutes later, my doctor said, we'll recheck it, and see if it came down...well, it did,  and she said as long as it does come down a bit, then you are fine..it is only when it is STAYING at a certain high level and does NOT at all come down, then you may have high blood pressure (which of course there is always meds for that anyway, so no reason to freak out about it really..and to just change diet a bit for it to come down  if its a bit high!)

I was wondering though about your cognitive functioning like you said..it seems to me that maybe you could be just THINKING  too much or fearing what you may be reading / getting panicked? because you could definitely respond to comments of course and read them!!! Definitely give yourself credit  and know you are NOT inferior to ANYONE either...I doubt it was too many meds about your cognitive?...I
About feeling inferior:
In Eckhart Tolles book, A new earth, he talks about whenever one feels superior, or inferior to anyone, that is their ego, (their mind and its endless THOUGHTs) and it is not TRUE or REAL in any way at all.......I loved when he had said that, and I thought, wow, that is true! it really is!!! ok well enjoy your day, and maybe talk to you again:)

[seanerr]

Listen bro, I am with you!

This is coming from someon who was living the college life (party,beach,girls) untill I got out of a tanning bed 3 months ago w/ a flashing light in my eye for the next 4 hours that freaked me the f out. Then googled destroyed me.

Within two months, I have had every illness out there. This is what I get daily: tension headaches from the anxiety tensing my neck, heart palps, eye pain, I actually see things now, fatigue, loss of sleep, junk food craving, muscle cramps, fast heart rate, low heart rate, sweats, body is hot then its cold, cold like symptons, feeling of throwing up but I only gag, nervous cough, tremors, out of body feeling, feeling like I'm going to fall over but never do.

Pills that relax me freak me out now because it slows my heart rate down and my breathing is calmer, so I freak out for some stupid *** reason.

I had a panic attack today where my heart wasn't racing too. I instead felt like I was going to pass out.

I am fit. I excercise/cardio daily. I get panicky the first 5 minutes my heart speeds up but then I calm down. Only 22.

It takes a lot to get me to go out now. Once I do go out, the whole way there I am panicking but as soon as I start partying or I'm at the beach, all the anxiety and symptons go away which makes me believe its anxiety plus Xanax makes it go away temp.

Had blood tests, **** tests, heart checks for murmurs etc, eyes checked twice for any damage.. nothing.

So yeah bro, I am a survivor of every illness out there. I have somehow faught off kidney failure to brain tumors to you know it.

Welcome. I get panick attacks just listening to my therapist speak. Your in for a ride brother.

[seanerr]

I was literally getting all the symptons of kidney failure a month ago and took a pee test to find out my kidneys are extremely healthy so go figure. F YOU ANXIETY

[Vince34]

Hey thanks for your answer!
                        
That's so nice to see that i'm not alone to live in that bad anxiety state.... I'm not happy that you have it, but I feel less alone and more understood... (sorry for my bad english BTW!!! lol)... i'm speaking french... and I do my best....

I also had a bad experience in a tanning bed 1 year ago!!! In fact, I was going to the tanning saloon 3 times a week before that bad experience and one day I entering into the tanning bed and start feeling a lot dizzy after 2-3 minutes....never felt that way before, I was the first to stay 5 hours under the sun without any problem... Anyway, that day my heart start racing as the speed of light and I get out of the tanning bed and almost faint... took 15 minutes to be able to get dress again and get out of the cabin... and guess what? Since that bad experience, I can't lie under the sun, I have photophobia, sun and heat make me extremly sick and anxious... and my eyes hurt a lot!!!

Your daily symptoms look a lot like mines... I also have chronic tension headaches but don't know if it's comming from a tensing neck, I feel tension in my neck but not that much... I also have heart palps all the time, the eye pain, especially shooting pain in the eyes with red eyes, they burn all the time, I also see things (small black or white circles), I always hear noise in my left ear and the more anxious I am, the more noise I will hear, i'm all the time tired as hell probably because of the constant anxiety who burn all my energy, I crave for food and eat all the time but to my big surprise I don't gain weight at all, in fact i'm loosing weight even if I eat junk food often and sugar foods at daytime... I don't sleep very well, I think the Rivotril mess up with the REM sleep stage and i'm always awake early and need to nap 2 times a day, if not anxiety increase to the point that I can't going out of the house or do stupid things like taking my shower or go to the toiler for a number 2! because I fear to faint or having a heart attack!!!  If I don't nap, I have less energy, my heart go slower and blood pressure is really high and can't continue my day, have to stay sit on the couch and not move... if I move I feel like I will faint... and also I have more head pains (headache, weird eyes pain, pain in my brain) if I don't nap.

I have muscle cramps, especially in my legs when i'm lying down in my bed, left arm pain with left shoulder pain and back pain... I also sweats especially from my hands and feet and feel waves of hot or cold on my head, the scalp of my head is overreacting to the toutch, I also need to cough all the time, like I will stop breathing or have difficulties to breath, I always feel out of my body and a lot dizzy to the point that everything around me is moving... and the list goes on!!!

I have the same reaction than you to meds you was working to decrease my anxiety before, especially the Xanax , who was by far superior to the Rivotril to prevent panic attack and anxiety... Now the Xanax make me more anxious and have more heart palpitations on it.... and can' t start the Paxil, the only one antidepressant who work for me in the past to stop the panic and daily anxiety. I try to start with just a tinny bit of Paxil, around 1 mg and had severe side-effects, try to stay at 1mg for the whole week but was totally freaked out at the end so I stop it... Also try to be back on the Lexapro and I had the same bad reactions... increase anxiety, increase photophobia, increase blood pressure with very low pulse rate, tinnitus, panic attack all the time... I try to be back on the Zoloft and had the same effects as well as on the Prozac and the Remeron...  I think I developp a meds phobia.... I can't take a Tylenol or an Advil for my headache now!!! When I take one Advil or Tylenol, my heart start going very slow, have chest pain, a lot of dizziness and I start having panic without racing heart and my headache increase... that's new for me since I was used to cure my headache with Advil... Always had headache in the past, not daily but 1-2 a week and Advil was ok to stop the pain...and never got high blood pressure from it like I do now...

[Vince34]

I'm also like you when you speak about panic without racing heart and the pass out feeling... I live the exact thing every day since 8 months now...

Every time I have to drive my car I start having a really low pulse rate, i'm a lot dizzy, start having double vision, need to cough all the time because I can't breath, and the more fast the car go and the worse I feel, it's also hard to focus on the road and pay attention to everything around the car and be carefull when I drive... It's like my eyes can't focus and the more I try to focus, the more pain in my eyes I feel and the  headache increase all the time... Yes, sometimes I will have a panic attack when I drive, but most of the time I have a lot of weird symptoms who make it impossible to drive for me, or have to take small roads and go really slowly...

I have the same problem with the eyes when I stay in front of my laptop for more than 1 hour... My eyes start to hurt, i'm feeling very tired, spacy, dizzy... and I feel like my heart will stop and like insinde my head my brain is overheating!!! That's so annoying.... Same thing if I succeed to get out and go in a big shopping center like Wall-Mart, when I try to find something on the shelved, my eyes start going crazy and I can't focus on the products... have to close my eyes and wait 2-3 minutes and when I open my eyes again it's ok but I can't continue to look for what I searching because the eyes trick will start again... that's really annoying and no Doc know what it is...and the eyes specialist don't know what it is also...

Also had my eyes checked and they are fine!!!

At least you seem to feel greater than me on 2 things... you can excercise and can partying!!! You can tolerate alcohol without having worse anxiety????

I can't drink alcohol anymore... was used to do like you, 4 years ago I was going to the university and was going out 4 nights a week... was a heavy drinker... and alcohol start trigger panic on me, so I was taking 1 beer + 1 Rivotril pill to prevent panic and was drinking another beer and taking another Rivotril pill to prevent panic... I ending with high addiction from the Rivotril...around 8-10 mg day... i'm surprise that I never passed out, since alcohol and benzos meds can't be mixed together... Anyway I stop drinking since 3 years now...and have no fun in my life anymore... not because I can't drink but because of the chronic anxiety!!!!

At least you seem to have some fun...even if you feel panicking when you get out of your house....

The anxiety and the symptoms I feel always start increasing in the afternoon, especially when I know that I will have to drive my car and get out of the house and expose myself in a social situation!!! So I start to avoid more and more going out of the house, especially since the last bad panic attack I do 2 weeks ago!!! Driving is almost impossible.... take all my energy and make me nuts....

I also had to stop the Gym year because of my heart racing problem, at the time I didn'T had lower pulse rate... Anyway at the gym  I was doing panic attacks all the time, cardio exercises was the worse...I always get dizzy on the machines... running on the treadmill was impossible for me because of the dizziness and the other machines was doing the same kind of diziness effect... Muscular excercises was also hard, I got a lot of dizziness feeling as well as heart palpitations while I was doing them... was not able to tolerate a pulse rate higher than 130... each time I reach that level, I started to have a panic attack...

I also have dilated pupils all the time... it's always worse when i'm out of the house, when I drive, it was also worse at the gym... My Doc and the PDoc think i'm producing too much adrenaline and probably have to much noradrenaline also in my brains... try to be back on the Propanol but it's lowering my pulse rate too much, even at 5mg... and felt more dizzy...

Yeah, brain tumor... lol  I laught sorry... I had a MRI test for my brain and everything is ok... not brain tumor...

In fact, I had  many heart tests, blood test and others tests that I forget... but they all turning out to be ok... Everything is fine in my body... All my vitamins level are ok and I have no infections...it's just my brains who are mess up ... lol

What I find hard and make me nuts now is the chronic anxiety symptoms I feel all the time at my home but also when I drive, it's not like the regular panic attack, you know what I mean, you have your panic attack and after 10-15 minutes you feel ok... Now i'm having weirds symptoms that I feel all the time... that's what I find annoying and what make me so anxious...

Anyway... thanks for your answer!!! ;-)

I wish you good luck!!! I think we will both survive... we just have to find a way to get out of that bad trip !!!

Have a nice day !

Vincent ;-)

[seanyboy444]

I literally feel your pain bro. I wake up anxious every morning. I am going to school, work, gym throughout the day just to keep my mind sane. I have freaked myself out so bad on my eyes where when I start panicking, I see afterimages and I get those spots your talking about. When someone talks to me, it's going in one ear and out the other because I'm literally seeing sh*t move around them. It's bad man. I've gotten to the point where after I get done banging some girl, my heart is racing, and then I'll take a deep breathe and its going slow all of a sudden and my doc said healthy hearts recover very quickly.

We are not killing ourselves over this, we are wasting years of our life over this. Mental illnesses run in my family so my therapist and doctor are saying my alchohol/smoking weed/not eating or sleeping right was just slowly killing my brain and then the panick after the tanning bed triggered it. Bro, I can go out and party.. yes, but sober. I am anxious before I get there, so if I drink, my heart is beating hard and I'm panicking so yeah.. sober is the way I roll now.

I expierence just about everything you have except I dont get chest pains, dizzy, or breathlessness.. thank god! I'd be a wreck if I did.

My symptons go on all day but only during the week. During the weekend, I am out at the beach and what not and expeirence nothing. Once my mind is thinking about what is going on around me like it use to 24/7, I am free of symtons. As soon as I start getting anxious, I'm f*cked.

The headaches though are weird. When I start to get them while I'm working, sometimes I'll panick thinking brain tumor, so I go sit down on the toilet in the bathroom (my escape place).. and it goes away the whole time and as soon as I go back to work it comes back.. then it goes away for good after I leave work.. It's complete BS!

[Julie359]

Wow, i thought i was the only one who had it this bad, i know this is wrong but im kinda glad ive read this cause its comforting knowing im not the only one... sorry, i know that sounds cr*p.  

I suffer from all the same things and for the life of me cant get back on any anti-d's, like you.  I took Paxil for 13yrs, came off last March and then in June fell flat on my face, sick as a parrot.  Ive been up and down all year but now im seriously bad, can barely leave my house, sh*t cant even go for a two minute bike ride down the road, i have a mental breakdown.  My social phobia is totally mental, i am literally frightened to death of having anyone in my house, if someone does manage to get past the front door my anxiety rate goes through the roof and i just cant function.  

My shrink, therapist normally come to the house to see me, however since i gotten worse ive had to stop them from coming.  Im scared that soon they are gonna drag me off to the mental hospital in a straight jacket.... Im gona see a consultant shrink next week to try to get me on a med... i soooooooo wana see her but the thought of having to sit with her for an hour is gona be like someone pulling out my teeth without no pain killer. I think ill have to dope myself up.

You say you have agoraphobia, how bad is it?  How far can you go? and by social phobia what happens to you?  

It'll be great to chat more and for a french guy your english is really good.

[calmshell]

Hi..it does sound like quite a few things.that you're going through.....I actually started getting just really generalized anxiety at work, about 4 years ago; I thought that everything i ever thought about, like if i had a bad thought about someone or thing, that it would be very very bad..so i would consume myself in making myself scared everyday in what i was going to think next...I also had , and still get sometimes, heart palps ..which is really just (I know) the mind racing to try to fear something..its actually a little jolt of adrenaline in your body...not harmful, but i now say to mysefl, "I'm fine, my heart is pumping regular..."

what i learned through a few self-help books and research was  that any fear/"so called problem" you may have in life often stems from childhood; I'm from a family (mainly mother) who would constantly put me down for Every single thing , every day, so subconsciously later in life, I was second guessing everything i did or thought, to see if it was "Bad"...what i was doing was really ridiculous, (although in the moment it is SO hard to stop panicking, racing heart, etc.) but what i was fearing, and many i'm sure of us with anxiety do, was unrealistic, fabricated,  ...i have learned it is inhuman to be perfect or anything  related to that (what is that anyway..non -exisiting!!!  )

So maybe I think if you can find a book (one book that really helped me a lot, was Dr. Robert Leahy's book, Anxiety Free... ) It is VERY helpful and teaches you to not OVER focus on things...not to think others are looking at you (Eckhart Tolles book, A New Earth helped me as well in learning we are all connected..never separated as we think we are, so we don't need to fear others or their thoughts, for they are just thoughts..not real, like the REAL essence we all are underneath, and we are all really literally part of each other) That may help with the social aspect ..and Dr. Leahy's book talks about learning a new script for yourself for your mind everyday..one that is accepting , calm, and realizing that if you make a mistake in life, you do not put yourself down (which is fear causing)...you say "oh well, i'm human, and it is not unreasonable for people to make a mistake in anything at all and then learn.." etc.. I hope these may help , for I know that heart palpitations especially are so sc ary at first, and it is not any fun to remain indoors (which i did as well 4 yrs. ago) for any fear/something holding you back..Just say, "I trust myself. I am smart, and capable, and can be very calm."  

Hope that helped maybe a tad (a bit) .... and also know that there is nothing ever "wrong" with you /or anyone...accepting anxiety and knowing it WILL NOT Hurt you  can help you make it BORING to you to get it/have it..that is another thing Dr. Leahy discussed in his book...it's like "what is the point of having this!!!???"Ok ttyl:)

[Vince34]

Hi!
   Well, it's seem that anxiety don't stop you to continue to make your daily activities like school, work , gym... That's mean that anxiety don't reach a freaking out peak level...

I would be the first one to be really happy to be able to continue to go to the school, have a work or going to the gym with that level of anxiety!!! lol

I can't even remember my onw cellphone number because i'm so anxious that I forget everything... also have no cognitive abilities and can't remember stupid things that someone told me 2 minutes ago...    

You know what, smoking weed is perhaps the worst thing for someone who his disposed genetically to panic disorder. I experience my first panic attack on the weed!!! Didn't know it was panic attack so I continue to smooke weed until I had my first panic attack while I didn't smoke weed!!!!  

My Doctor explain why weed trigger panic attack but it's a lot complicated... a lot of drugs trigger panic anyway...

So i'm like you now, i'm sober... can't drink anymore and drugs is something I stop a long time ago!!!

If your anxiety stop in the weekend, that's mean that something is going wrong in the week time, maybe school or work trigger anxiety??? Think about it...

For what you write to me, your headache seem to be tension headache!!! Maybe that's why when you are not at work you don't have the headache...and when you return to work, headache is back...

Do you take a med to help you?

[Vince34]

Hi Julie!
           Well no, you are not alone to feel that bad !!! To my big surprise I was thinking the same before I became a member of this website!!!

Yeah, the Paxil work best for extreme anxiety (panic, agoraphobia, not very good for social phobia)... and when you are on the Paxil, it's better to stay on it... because when you stop it, it's really hard to get on it again!!! Don't know why... I try severals time this year to return on the Paxil and even at a 1mg low dose I have strong side-effects!!!

My PDoc order it in liquid form, since it's not available in the Canada, he had to order it from the USA and it's a long process, will have it in 2 -3 months, not before, so until then, I have to wait and stay in that high anxiety state since the Klonopin (Rivotril) don't work on me anymore, even at 8 mg day! That's suck!... Anyway...

What you mean by your social anxiety is totally mental? Hummm I think social phobia is only mental anyway no??? My social phobia is more something like feeling like everyone around me is watching me, judging me about my look, my weight, I also feel inferior to everyone, feel like i'm a monster... I can look at myself 100000 times before I have to leave my house and I always feel like I have something wrong in my face and look ugly... Also, my social phobia also make the process of making friends really hard. I have only one friend in my life...  I'm also very shy, can't meet new peoples, when I was going to the University, it was hard to do team work or just making friends in the class room... I also have an avoidant personnality...

My agoraphobia is really bad now, not like yours, I can go out of my house, but that's really hard and I feel really bad each time. I can go out to smoke a cigarette but if someone is walking in the street, I have to hide myself... If I have to go somewhere with my car, I can't take the highway, just small roads and the more away I go from my house and the more I feel bad and the more anxiety symptoms I will have... To give you an idea, driving 10 milles from my house is too much for me now... so maybe 5-10 minutes alone in my car driving is the maximum I can do... more of this and I start having panic attack...

Also, I live a different type of social phobia than you, I can't be alone at home, I return living with my parents 3 years ago and I live in their house... If they leave the house for 1-2 hours, I start feeling more anxious because I fear that I will have a heart attack and will not be able to have help!!! Same if I have to go in the bed to sleep and if i'm alone at home, I can't sleep and have panic attack because I fear that I will have a heart attack in my bedroom and will not have help... so I sleep always with my cellphone near me in case I will need to call my parents for help at night!!! That's so stupid I know!!!

Here in the Canada, therapist don't come at home, you have to go see them! I see a Therapist now, have an appointment every 2 weeks... it's not very helpfull... I do so many type of therapies, I know all the tricks to stop panic, pratice often the exposure technique but it's not helping me anymore, try to change my bad thoughts into positives thoughts, nothing seem to work...

Can you told me why you can't start the Paxil again? What kind of side-effects you have? Did you developp a med phobia like me? Have too much fears or apprehensions about meds side-effects???

Yeah, we can chat more if you want, i'm not often online, can't stay for a long time in front of my laptop because headache increase to the point of no return and don't have a lot of cognitives abilities and can't focus for a long time... but you will catch me up especially in the morning, it's the time of the day where I feel the best...

Well have a nice day!

Vincent ;-)

[Vince34]

Hi !
    Yeah, a lot of stuff happen since 8 months.... For the adrenaline I know that's not dangerous, BUT the problem with me is that i'm not fit...smoke, eat not very well, have some extra pounds... so I always fear that my heart will stop... even if I had severals tests for it and everything is ok...

The problem with the books is that I have no energy to read and no cognitives abilities... Anxiety is so bad and i'm having so much chronic symptoms, that I can't even read 1 or 2 pages of a book and remember it!!!  In fact, I lost about 80% of my cognitives abilities... I don't know if it's stress related OR related to my use of benzos meds... but what I know is that my memory is really bad and can't focus a long time on task who ask for a minimum of cognitives abilities... I feel like my brain is in fire and headache is incredible high all the time...

I have already the book of Dr Robert... Also have done a therapy based on the Schema therapy... and the Dr Dr. Jeffrey Young, have his book call  Reinventing your life... very interresting book, I read it before I start having extreme anxiety...

I know that almost all my anxiety is related to my past... You know, as a kid I was fat and probably had already a kind of social phobia and anxiety problems as well... I was all the time alone, no friend, took a lot of drugs in my teenager years, had a gastric by-pass, loose a lot of weight and had difficulties to adapt myself to my new body, sexual orientation (gay), family problems...

Also, genetic play a big part in my anxiety disorder...it's running in the family of my mom and my dad, also have one sister who have high anxiety and depression as well as anorexia problem...

Well, I have anxiety problems since i'm a child, panic appear around 19yo, stop for a while, return back... so I think I accept my anxiety and know it's comming from where (fear of dying from a heart attack, social phobia related to my body image...), the main problem is that I try almost everything to stop the anxiety, I do so many therapies, I learn so many tricks to decrease my anxiety, I try all the meds available on the market... what i'm leaving now is not common for me, it's new and that's really hard to live everyday...

Some peoples told me to move my ***, find a work, return to school, excercise.... (that's the worse thing to say to someone who feel bad)... I have chronic fatigue, chronic tension headache, little to no cognitives abilities, pain all over my body, chest pain and high blood pressure with low or fast pulse rate as well as 10000000 weird anxiety symptoms, and i'm suppose to be able to move my ***, go to the gym, get out of the house, stop smoking, eat well,  find a work and return to the university???? Peoples who told me this probably never experience 10 minutes of high anxiety level in their life... Anyway...

Thanks for your book recommandations!!! Will take the time to read them when I will be more anxiety free ! ;-)

Have a nice day!


Hope that helped maybe a tad (a bit) .... and also know that there is nothing ever "wrong" with you /or anyone...accepting anxiety and knowing it WILL NOT Hurt you  can help you make it BORING to you to get it/have it..that is another thing Dr. Leahy discussed in his book...it's like "what is the point of having this!!!???"Ok ttyl:)

[Vince34]

hummm forget the last part of the message, I don't know why it appear in my message... I must have done something wrong again!!! lol

[seanerr]

bro listen.. you got to get up and focus on other stuff. This isn't coming from someone who has no idea what chronic anxiety it.. this is coming from someone who lives it everyday!

I am worse when I am at my house doing nothing but dwelling on it. When the anxiety specialists say that 'doing nothing but dwelling on it' will be the worse thing you can do, they really mean it. I'm just sucking it up man. I am only bad now when I become anxious with thoughts. Besides that, when my boss gives me tasks with time limits or I'm talking to girls at school and what not, I am my normal self agian, WHICH will also help you because you will realize that it is just anxiety because if it was something else, I would be expierenicng the symptons while I was having fun, etc. which I don't.

I refuse to take drugs and my therapist doesn't work but shes hot so hey lol. You have to eat better, sleep better, and work out. I know easier done that said, but I have severe symptons and I just push myself because I refuse to be a walking drug. and it's working. I am feeling better and happier. I don't even get mad at anything anymore. I feel more calm about things because anxiety is a life changer when your coming over it.

You have to push yourself. You would have been in a hospital by now if you had some illness where your expierecing these symptons for the last 8 months. The average heart goes till your mid 70s.

You just need to get back on your feet. You can't be afriad of death and once you can tell yourself that, you'll feel better. I thought it was completel BS when people told me that, but once your mind really settles into a just 'f*ck it' mode, the symptons really do fade.

As I type this, I feel like falling over and my eyes are dilated. But I don't give a f*ck anymore bro. And now my symptons are becoming less and easier to deal with when anxious.

And to let you know, you can survive a heart attack. Tons of people do.

[Julie359]

Well ive not only tried to get back on Paxil but also several other different anti-depressants.  They all send my nervous system into total meltdown.  My spinal cord becomes very tight ridgid and sensitive, i get severe weakness in both my legs, my reflexes become so sensitive that even walking feels like someone is using a cheece grater on them and even a knock at the front door or the phone ringing sends me into such a panic, its like i go into shock.  This is only after taking the tablets for 1 to 4 days, then i have no choice but to stop as i cant cope with what is happening to me.  After stopping the tablets as the side effects ware off i end up having severe lower back pain and a few times now i have had to use crutches to help me walk..........

So i guess yeah now i have developed a fear of these medications.  Maybe it adds to the overal side effects, fearing whats about to come.... but hoping and praying they dont.

Anyway take care.....

[calmshell]

hi there again..

thx for your message.. I really understand that about trying to exercise w/anxiety, you start to wonder about your heart rate, etc.. I have definitely done this w/exercise..although I don't as much anymore because i say to myself, "my body needs some of this exercise, and my mind is just once again starting to scare me..that is all." I hadn't mentioned (except really for thoughts ) that I get anxiety occasionally with that (exercise) and I definitely used to monitor all the time my heart/heart rate...

when i  had a doctor appointment last year, my blood pressure was kind of high, because I was so nervous of JUST THAT..of it being high!!  about 10 minutes later, my doctor said, we'll recheck it, and see if it came down...well, it did,  and she said as long as it does come down a bit, then you are fine..it is only when it is STAYING at a certain high level and does NOT at all come down, then you may have high blood pressure (which of course there is always meds for that anyway, so no reason to freak out about it really..and to just change diet a bit for it to come down  if its a bit high!)

I was wondering though about your cognitive functioning like you said..it seems to me that maybe you could be just THINKING  too much or fearing what you may be reading / getting panicked? because you could definitely respond to comments of course and read them!!! Definitely give yourself credit  and know you are NOT inferior to ANYONE either...I doubt it was too many meds about your cognitive?...I
About feeling inferior:
In Eckhart Tolles book, A new earth, he talks about whenever one feels superior, or inferior to anyone, that is their ego, (their mind and its endless THOUGHTs) and it is not TRUE or REAL in any way at all.......I loved when he had said that, and I thought, wow, that is true! it really is!!! ok well enjoy your day, and maybe talk to you again:)

[whitecat78]

That sounds like me about a year ago, I use to have a very high heart pulse, I constantly thought I was having a heart attack.  I also had chronic depersonalization with panic attacks that just kept coming on for a couple months, I thought I was going crazy, I think I had a nervous breakdown.  But I am a lot better now, I am calm and don't have panic attacks anymore but I still have bad behavior patterns like avoiding things, that cause me agitation, so I am still working on that. I am also taking a anti-depressant, I had to try different ones to find one that wont give me any bad side effects, the side effects are so mild now, its like I am not even on one. Also I noticed eating well and eating a different variety of foods has helped a lot too and exercising is key too.

[Vince34]

Well,
       First of all, I don't focus 24h a day on my anxiety and/or surf all the time on the internet and try to figure out what happen to me or looking for miracle meds!!! I know that doing nothing or stay home and avoid all the times things can WORSE anxiety! I have anxiety disorder since more than 15 years now and I know what i'm talking about, when I start having panic and social phobia, internet was not accessible to everyone and even if I was only listening to the Therapist and the Doc, panic and anxiety was there, even if I was going to school and working at the same time, I had panic attacks and social phobia BUT NOW it's different, because I reach a new level of anxiety and it's totally out of control!  

I have the best Doc and PDoc of my city and probably from my Country... they are 2 specialist of anxiety disorders, they work in that field since more than 40 years... they do also a lot of research ... and both of them don't know what happen to me...they have some theories (resistant serotonine receptors, adrenal glands fatigue, crushing syndrome, over reactive serotonine receptors) , they never see a patient like me, resistant to meds, resistant to Therapy and having so many anxiety symptoms!!! In fact, i'm the first patient that my Family Doc can't heal...

Maybe for you the chronic fatigue/chronic headache as well as chest pain and too low pulse rate or too fast pulse mean nothing and you are lucky if you can avoid thinking about it all day long and have normal moment in your life without anxiety BUT it's not working for everyone!!!

If I wrote that I can't excersise or have pain in my chest and have weird pulse rate and palpitations when I do something stupid physical stuff like taking my shower it's because it's true and whatever what I will do or think and whatever the thoughts I have before and after, even if I try to think about something funny, even if I think about anything else than anxiety and symptoms, I have those ******* symptoms!!!

Ok, I know I will not have a heart attack, and even if I have one, i'm not 20yo now and will probably survive because the more older you are when you have a heart attack, the better chance you have to survive BUT I care a lot about where it will happen, since most of my chest pain happen when I drive my car, I CARE about the others peoples in the car with me, I care also about the other cars around me, I don't want to hit someone, kill someone or have a car crash, that's what I call being RESPONSIBLE and respect the others and myself also!!!

And for your information, everyone is different SO for now, i'm not like you and my anxiety is different AND I CAN'T be my old self again, never have 1 minute in my life since 8 months where I didn't had any freaking symptoms of anxiety!!!

It will be stupid to return to school into that bad state of minds and anxiety cause I know my limits and I know that I will not be able to sit 3 hours in a class room listening to a teatcher, doing team work and give oral speechs! I know that I can't return to work because physically I don't feel good at all and mentally I loose too much cognitives abilities and forget everything I learn at school!!!

Whatever if it's only in my minds, I don't care, I know that I don't feel good!!! For now, my limits are to be able to answer to my e-mails each morning (1 hour maximum in front of my computer), do my best to take my shower each day even if I feel that I will pass out, and YES I FAINT a couple of times in the last 8 months (faint for no reason), try to get out of the house and take some fresh air, sometimes jump in the pool and every 2-3 evening taking my car and driving to my best friend place and try to take a walk, talk, laught... That's what I can do for now... and each time I do an activity, it's impossible to stop having thoughts about my anxiety BECAUSE I HAVE PAIN in my body!!! To be able to stop thinking about the anxiety I will have to do stupid things like cutting my skin with a knife or something who will hurt more than the anxiety symptoms that I feel and the constant pain I feel all over my body !!! And it's not a good option!!!

So being normal for me will be to be free of anxiety and panic, being able to drive my car alone again without feeling weak, having dizziness, having again 100% of my reflex, and no more heart and chest pain, no more fatigue, no more pain in all my body, no more chronic headache...

If you choose to try to get ride of your anxiety without meds it's your choice, with the experience I have with anxiety and the family background of anxiety disorder in my family, I know that I will need at least 1 antidepressant to stop the panic mood and 1 anticonvulsive med like the Topamax to stop the bulemia and prevent the relapse of anxiety!!! Stop the Benzo meds will be the next goal, when my anxiety will be at an ok level!

I was in control of my anxiety for several years without meds, but had a high tendency to relapse for stupid things like a conflict at my work, or too much stress at school....or friends problems... and I know meds will be helpfull for me... BUT it's just for me, because my brains are like that, they need something to regulate the release of the serotonine and noradrenaline in the brains...

I know a lot of peoples who get rid of their anxiety disorder without meds but most of them had only minor anxiety disorder or just one anxiety disorder, not all the anxiety disorders in the world (panic, social, general, somatization, bulemia....name them...). I know some peoples who get ride of their anxiety with only therapy and sometimes just with their self power... Sometimes anxiety disorder appear and dissepear fast and never show up again...

Well, another thing, I continue to do Therapy even if it's not very helpfull, all of this because I want to learn more tricks to stop the anxiety and try again to change my bad behaviors... I never stop even if I feel that therapy will maybe never work for me... In 3 years I had 4 different therapies... had a lot more before....and I never said to myself "Therapy suck and I don't continue"... I never give up!

Eat better is easy to say when you don't have the background I have... I had Morbid obesity, before I had my gastric by-pass in 2001, I was at 450 pounds!!! I was a fat kid without eating more food than the other kids ( went to private school and eat the same portion size of food than the other kids), I was doing a lot of sports, and I was fat...  Was going at the Weight watcher each week at the age of 10 years old!!! Not very usual... do all the diets in the world, put my health in danger with drastic diets and dangerous diet... was the only one fat person in my family, my sisters and brother are all slim!!! Bulemia start at the same time than panic... anxiety make me eat like a pig... that's hard to control.... so had my gastric by-pass and loose more than 270 pounds... was stable from 2002 until 2007 at 180 pounds... With meds (antidepressants) I start gain weight again... who trigger bulemia again...and i'm now at 210 pounds... Have a big tendancy to eat like a pig OR start strict diet of liquid protein and laxatives...  anyway...I do my best to avoind sugar food and eat good food... fiber, vitamins, vegetables and fruits... but it's not easy...

[Vince34]

Sleep better is also hard to control... Insomnia is not something you have the power over... I read several books about it, I know what to do before going to the bed and what not to do also...  I wake up early, what I can do??? Hit my head with a baseball bat??? Not really... Napping is the only way I found to regain some energy at daytime... why??? Because I don't use any kind of stimulants to give me energy (don't drink coffee, avoid the chocolate, not soft drink with caffeine)...

Puhs yourself... hummmm... I don't agree... It's like saying to someone who have depression that he only pretend to have depression to have vacation from work !!!!! That's stupid.... And by the way I think I push myself a lot more than what most of the peoples think!!! Just driving my car or take my shower when I feel like I will faint is 2 things really hard to do for me, and I do it!!! Sometimes I have to stop the shower and get out because I start a panic OR faint...So I push my limits to a level higher that what you seem to think.... If I push to hard my limits, I will do like last year when I subscribe to a big gym and going to the gym 3 evening a week... I ending with worse anxiety to the point that I now fear of having a heart attack all the time!!!!! I had to stop the gym because my Doc and PDoc ask me this, it was making me more anxious... so excercise is not for everyone... Like I wrote before, I do a lot of sports in the past, ride my bike for 400 km and more in 4 days... had a crazy and physical work for 10 years...  Push yourself too much is like not pushing yourself enough...

And it's not just being affraid of death, it's more being affraid of the unknow!!!  Maybe it's sound stupid for you, but not for me! I don't care about death cause I will be dead anyway and we all die... I fear more the unknow...and fear more the place where it will happen... if it's in my bed I don't care... in my living room also... but in my car ??? Not really... and death don't trigger panic on me...

I had several years of well being without any anxiety, years where I totally burn out myself with works, school, partying... that's this kind of lifestyle that put me in trouble... Some peoples are more weak than others you know!!! Not everyone can work 80 hours a week and having a big social life, doing excercises, having a family.... we are all different that's it!

And sorry again but I can't don't give a **** about the symptoms... when my eyes hurts they hurts... when I feel like my brains overheat, they overheat... I can't pretend I don't feel it cause I FEEL IT !!!! Even if I think about SEX it will not stop.... and don't give a dawn about my symptoms don't lesser them... it's increasing them... so it's not working for anyone...