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Fear of Homosexuality
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Fear of Homosexuality

Hello, I have been dealing with anxiety for around a year now. It's mostly dealing with health conditions and such, and I went through a horrible period of nonstop symptoms. I've gotten over the worse, and I just deal with minor anxiety..nothing too big.

However, recently friends have been joking around, and the word gay got tossed around and it bothered me. I've always been straight, and I've never had any concerns about my sexuality. However, a voice in my head said "what if you are?" Since then I've been in a semi panic, questioning my sexuality. It doesn't help that I am currently in love with a girl, I'm afraid of losing my affections for her. I don't know what to do anymore, it doesn't help that a friend of mine recently confessed to me. I don't feel the same, but it's raised even more questions

I've been unable to look at other males in the eye, and I feel as if I'm losing my attraction for women. I'm so scared of being gay, I know there's nothing wrong with being homosexual, but I want to continue liking girls, I don't want to like guys. What if I've always been like this, but it's never arisen until now? I'm so confused emotion wise, and I'm arguing in my head that I'm not gay, but the thoughts continue to plague my mind. I've been around other people who are gay, but this has never come up before, why now? I want to continue liking girls! If someone would be so kind to help me. I would really appreciate it.
10 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
Well I am not Gay but I have a cousin that is and she is very cool about answering all of my questions about it. We grew up together and I never knew she was gay so when she came out and told me I had a lot of questions.
Well she told me that she has always known she was gay... she said she has never been attracted to men. She never had boyfriends and I always wondered why bcus she was always so pretty.
Anyways, I guess what im trying to say is that im sure your not gay bcus from what she says she was born like that and she has always liked other girls. So if you have liked girls and then someone made a joke about being gay I am sure its just in your head. I wouldn't stress it!! Good luck and God bless!!
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Avatar_f_tn
Wow this ones hard. I'm an openly gay man and I will have to agree with blued82 I have always not like women. But when I was coming to terms with my sexuality I remember having arguments with myself and fighting against. I don't think you are but I think you have to figure that out. Your obviously not a homophobe. You just have to give up the fear and stop fighting yourself and you figure it out. Truly good luck.
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480448_tn?1397235344
Sounds very much like you could be suffering from a touch of HOCD, which is actually a REAL form of OCD, where a person fears being homosexual.  There are many different extremes of HOCD, from occasional fleeting thoughts, to complete, debilitating obsessions.

I would strongly recommend you post in our OCD forum.  Not because I think you HAVE OCD but because they get questions about this EXACT same thing all the time.  You can even just browse through the OCD forum to get an idea of some of the advice that has been given to others with the same fears.

It's not as simple as us telling you you would know if you were gay (which you would).  Like any other kind of anxiety, you would accept that reassurance temporarily, but most likely, the fears will reemerge.  This is why I think you should check out the OCD forum, there are suggestions you could benefit from that are specific to this exact issue.

Check it out:
http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-OCD-/show/231

The community leader down there, JG, is awesome.  She really gives very specific, amazing advice on how to stop those kinds of intrusive thoughts.  
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi.  Good points above.  I would try to remember that your friend wasn't trying to have  a heart to heart with you about your possibly being gay.  They were 'joking' around with you, teasing only. Therefore, I would not take these words and iternalize them in such a way as you have.  However, anxiety is playing such a deep role here.  I would suggest checking out the forum nursegirl speaks of and possibly begin talking to a therapist to sort this out.  I would not believe you are gay at this point just from these anxiety symptoms and as stated above, you've been atracted to women in the past.  Check out the above mentioned forum and have faith, all will be alright.  peace
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you all for your help. It hasn't been as bad recently,  but I still have reoccurring thoughts. I'm going to change check out the forum above. I think the shock of my friend confessing contributed to my anxiety. Hopefully I'll be back to my usual self soon.
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Avatar_f_tn
I wish we knew how old you are. I have a feeling that would explain a great deal.

My 28 year old son is gay and I'm betting if he was answering this post, he'd tell you the ONE thing he never, ever doubted was knowing, in his heart, that he was sexually attracted to boys, not girls.
He would probably also tell you that he had his own moments of confusion & doubt. But when WE know the truth, there are no doubts.

I don't for a minute think your gay, my young friend. You'd know it! I think you're simply growing up and starting to deal with some grown up issues and they can scare the crap outta us.

This too shall pass.
Peace
Greenlydia

  
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Avatar_m_tn
I'm pretty young, just turned 18 recently. I understand, I guess I've never had to face things like this before. It feels as if my mind is playing tricks on me, but it doesn't logically make sense for me to start liking guys out of the blue. The less I think about it the calmer I feel, and when I don't worry about it, sexuality or anything, I don't even feel gay. I guess it's just another way anxiety can warp things, making us feel unusual feelings, physical changes, and emotional changes.
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Avatar_f_tn
Are you physically attracted to and sexually aroused by boys/men?

If the answer in your heart is no, you are not gay. By age 18, I promise you, no matter how much you had tried to deny it, you would know.

Perhaps what happened, possibly for the first time in your life, you found yourself attracted to someone of the same sex. This feeling might have scared you. It may be what has set off this fear and doubt of your sexual orientation.

I am not a lesbian, but that doesn't stop me from admiring a really pretty woman.
I find some children very cute, doesn't make me a *********.

Growing into and becoming comfortable with our sexuality takes time and maturity.
You'll get there. I can promise you that, too.

If you are dealing with anxiety, I think it would be very beneficial for you to talk things over with a therapist. Those of us with anxiety will often latch onto a fear and we are pros at blowing things out of proportion.
You're gonna be OK, OK?
Peace
Greenlydia
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm also reposting the link nursegirl gave you. Like she said, the folks on that forum are very familiar with your specific issue. They can help you!

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-OCD-/show/231

GL
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you, I know deep down that I am not gay, but these thoughts just keep reoccurring. I will post there for further help.
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