I have an intense fear that I am going to die suddenly, and what will happen to both my family/and I.I could really use some advice on how I can seek relief of this.
I'm still trying to ask myself the right questions to figure out the solid root of my fear, and I wish I could be more specific, but I'll give it a shot. When I was 19 I started suffered from what I think were anxiety attacks. It was a feeling of extreme tightness in my chest (like an elastic band is tightly wrapped around the circumference, and I'm trying to breathe through it). Doctors dismissed it, and thus I dismissed it although it still persisted for about a year and a half. It became very real to me that I was suffering under some kind of stress or anxiety when I had - only what I could call - a nervous breakdown. During a heated argument with my mother about return dates of our flight that week I became so upset that I went into a hysteria of crying, hyperventilating, and feeling as if I was going to die that lasted for three days. This was several years ago, and all the above attacks slowly faded away about a year a year 1/2 ago. I thought the attacks were due to stresses from work while I was away at university. I graduated, and continued onto grad school in August of 2011
In October of 2010 (about a year ago), a very close friend of mine from University named Dave, passed away in a very sudden accident. It was hard for everyone in our community to deal with (as it is with most every community). I took my time to grieve and appreciate and continued on with life, also anxiety attack free. 3 months later, while on a flight, I broke out into a hysteria during a pretty bad patch of turbulence. Tightness of chest, racing thoughts... but ultimately the crying and fear of death was the hardest to deal with. I've felt a lot better about Dave, up until about a month ago.
I have such an intense fear of death, and how easy it is to die, and where you go when you die that daily activities have been some what difficult. During these thoughts I also feel hopeless, shake, and my extremities get really cold. If late at night I start to cry. I have also stopped sleeping, and during the day there is a constant knot in my stomach. Could this be tied to airplanes? (as I am writing this I have actually flown to another country for the week). From a young age, I've had a pretty bad fear of flying. This week a peer of mine gave me a few adderall (adderrall) to help focus on my work, which i feel helps a lot while the drug is active, but once it wheres off I immediately feel like I'm going to die and cry.
Thank you, I'm going to try to see a therapist, if not tomorrow, as soon as possible. I'd like to compare notes too, thank you. I'm not really comfortable with taking medication, but at this point I'm open to anything. The feeling of constant paranoia is getting the best of me.
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