Feedback on a past bad memory? (sort of long but I'd appreciate replies)
This has been a problem lately where I'm always remembering bad memories of my past. This one has been one of the most common ones that I keep reliving...
About 3 years ago I was working full time at this saw mill/warehouse sort of place and about two weeks into the job, a group of us went to a job site to unload a bunch of these pieces of furniture. We met another older man there that was going to help unload and him and I were the ones to pull the furniture to a certain room of the building while two other guys unloaded them from the truck, one of them being the guy in charge.
We were working at a fast pace so we could get it done in a certain amount of time and I was following the older guy to a room where he thought we should drop them off, and about half way through the guy who was in charge (who was recently discharged from the marines) freaked out out of nowhere and pulled me aside into this room and started yelling "why the f*** haven't you been putting the furniture in this room?!", I was shocked and said, "wait what? I was just following the older guy to this other room?"
The ex-marine was furious with me I've never seen anyone get this upset before, his face was red, and I thought he was going to knock me out. He was cursing at me and saying how I was in this room when he told us that this was the designated room and saying, "don't talk back to me," since this was apparently a rule at the warehouse; what's messed up is that I was barely saying anything the whole time. I was speechless and at loss for words while he was yelling at me because here this guy is blowing up on me for something entirely ridiculous.
So right after that I was hyperventilating (this was the first time I felt like this since I was released from rehab several months earlier) my eyes were tearing up I and was just in a terrible mood, I went up to the older guy and in a rude tone I asked him if he knew that we were putting the furniture in the wrong room? he was just as lost as I was.
After we finished the ex-marine apologized but it wasn't good enough to keep me from going to his dad later and telling him I quit and I will not be coming back tomorrow. The guy was an all around douche during the time I worked there. Most of the people that worked at that warehouse except the marine's parents (managers) and a couple other people, I felt had this bad vibe towards me.
I was 17 and to this day I think back almost everyday and feel like I was just a pathetic person that couldn't do anything right and I blame myself for what happened. I think about how the other people who worked there must have found out and thought "wow what a sniveling little idiot." This event wasn't good for my recovery as it brought up other bad memories when I would hyperventilate and would escape to drugs. It was so embarrassing that I couldn't show my face there after that.
I apologize for typing up a book here, but I don't really have anyone I can talk to about these things, so I appreciate anyone who has the time to read this.
First of all, you were just a kid! Then you have an ex-marine who is probably suffering from PTSD and you just happen to be in the way when he lost it. You were blind-sided by this guy's actions, and I think you handled yourself very well. It's not about being tough, it's about doing the right thing....which you did. You quit this job which just showed the others that you had too much self respect and sense to put up with that kind of treatment. At no time should you endure this kind of treatment....you took yourself out of the situation, which was by far the best thing to do. You hold your head high, you acted more like a man than he did and everyone knows this...even his parents! Don't be afraid to show your face anywhere, you have nothing to be ashamed of. This guy I'm sure has seen some horrible things and has a long battle ahead of him to recover. Right now he's behaving like a bully and you didn't stoop to that level.....good for you! I don't think it was a personal thing, he has his own demons to deal with, but that doesn't mean you have to stay and take that kind of abuse. Yeah, you could have exchanged words but you didn't, like a real man.....you walked away. Try to let this go because the more you let it bother you the more you are allowing this guy to have power over you. None of this is worth your time or energy. I think the others that work there are thinking "wow, I would have walked too!" Move on, you're a better person for having handled it the way you did. Take care.
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