Further Suggestive Opinions

I'm not exactly sure what I'm asking, but maybe I'm just searching for some clarity. I'm in my early 20s now, but for some reason my childhood controls what should be my adulthood. When I was younger I was excessively shy. I really hated being noticed. I couldn't look anyone in the eye. I hardly spoke, choosing to shrug my shoulders as a communicative answer. I was scared and nervous all the time. I can recall snack time where I would hide my snack under the desk instead of putting it on the table as everyone else did. Then I would eat, but still in quiet embarrassment. Even when I needed glasses starting in the beginning of middle school, I never sought treatment until high school. During that time I could never see the board and started doodling, which stole a lot of my attention during school. I continued to stay in a similar fashion up into some time in high school where I started to speak up a little bit, but not enough to have a voice. Still, I was socially awkward and couldn't really pick up on social cues. I'm still awkward, but I think it's more endearing than anything else. Throughout all this, I had poor relationships, both as school and at home. Since I was so scared of social interaction, I always kept to myself. Everyday life was full of reading and absentmindedly watching the television. They became my world in a way. Right now, I'm less self-obsessed. I can talk on the phone and eat publicly. I still get stressed from the little things, like walking and thinking that everyone is noticing my walk and thinking that it's weird. I guess one of my biggest anxieties is trying to appear normal to everyone else around me. I think too much sometimes that I often hold my breath and have to focus on breathing. Authorities still scare me, like when I talk to my boss. I think the biggest area of concern is in developing relationships with others. I have a hard time trusting people. It's either that or I sometimes talk too much and then push people away or just don't give them a chance to begin with. I don't let anyone get too close. The one word that really sums up everything is detachment. And, I just feel so far away from everything and everyone. And, I'm also still really paranoid. I think I am optimistic, but then I usually instinctively react as if there is bad news. I think everything has to do with my childhood that I just haven't learned to let go. Now, I'm just wondering if I need further help because it's been so ongoing. I still exhibit a lot of problems. I'm scared of dating. I also realize I zone out a lot and have conversations with myself when I should be focusing to what someone else is saying. There are a lot of other things, but still I think I'm way better off than what I could have been. I would just like another perspective. I have sought counselors a few times. I was first referred to a school counselor in high school after a teacher forwarded the thought that I showed signs of repressed anger. I just want all the worries and fear to go away. I don't particularly need treatment, but just an idea of what you think someone in my shoes should do.

Thanks.