Generalized Anxiety really bad

My anxiety  has always been quite bad,  When i was younger before i got into drugs I'd be nervous in any social situation even ones I'm relatively used to like being in class.  My muscles get tense, feel like everyones judging me, alot of times my arms/hands would trimmer out/shake.  I've been going to a psychologist since 2 years ago original for drug use but its like i told him.  Shortly after i got into drugs I started to get out there and enjoy my life, it just made everything easer and if i were to quite I need something for my anxiety that actually helps.  
Well my first pyschologist i went to for over a year and he was an addiction specialist so he tried everything on me, nothing worked, and had nothing else to try i guess.
I was on proctav idk, some deppression medication and propanol at first.
Naturally that didn't help anything so I continued my drug use, mostly ones like soboxone, or other opiates, sometimes aderol (adderall), or coke, and id even do these every day mostly soboxone before work because it made it so much easier to get by without feeling tense and awkward and nervous.  When i went to partys id usually be on soboxone, or ecstasy and drink and my anxiety would be whipped away, even just soboxone wipes it away

So then he changed the propanol to clonidine and also prescribed me gabepentin 300
well the clonidine got dropped  because it didnt do anything and i kept the gabepentin upped it to 800
because even though it didnt help that much just made me mildly better id rather have it then not
then he put me on seroquel 300 mg a day.  which made me a zombie, so after trying that  i just said i dont want to take that anymore i was asleep 90 % of the time when i took it
then he had nothing else to offer because seroquel is the most potent drug for anxiety that isn't addictive
so then my gabepentin since that kinda helped went up to 1,600
next visit 3,200  he'd ask is your anxiety better , id tell him no it helps some but its not working like it should
by the end of seeing him i was on 3,200 mg of gabepentin then 200 mg of seroquel he put me back on which i ended up taking half a 100 mg pill to actually have a life
and at this time i did cut back on drugs quite a bit that was the purpose of going but i still was doing whatever i could when i had to go in social gatherings which soboxone being the cheapest way to beat my anxiety became a habit, I honestly didn't want to become an addict I'm smart enough to know at this time i was cutting it close so kept it atleast a day apart which i read you can still be addicted to it, it was the only drug i did at this time since i cut back other then x twice and acid 3 times, and one coke night, which in a two months time was pretty cut back for me
I went to a new doctor hoping he could give me something that would work,
was completely honest about my past probably a big mistake
first time i saw him he put me on citalopram for anxiety and deppresssion
kept me on the 3600 does of gabepentin gave me trazdone for sleep which does help since i'm borderline insomniac
then i saw him again he gave me geodon on top of the others for anxiety saying it wont make me as tired as the seroquel and works like it
nothing was working so i continued to take my gabepentin  and trazadone and citalopram but after trying geodon and not liking it b ecause it made my whole body feel fatiqued useless,
and started doing methadone which i know is even worst then soboxone but when i take it within an hour my anxiety is gone for the rest of the day with only 20 mg
I knew the benzonerphines would probably fix my anxiety and i dont want to become a methadone addict at all i really have been trying especially at this more recent point to cut all drugs out, except for maybe rare occasions but not as a neccasity to take every other day to get by, not to mention withdrawals from methadone i hear are worst then any other opiate, as of yet im not addicted thank god
but after another visit he wouldnt prescribe me anything new and i told him id take a drug test to prove that im not doing drugs if you could just prescribe me something that would help so i didnt need them , he wouldnt go for that but after the next visit he leveled with me a bit

If i take a 10 panel drug test and pass which i very well can do with some effort because during this time on top of the methadone ive been using lorazepam, and ive even tried going to work at my new job which is a huge grocery story with people around you constantly and it only helped a little bit, even after taking 3 of them
so it will be difficult but if its just a week i can do it then he said he will probably prescribe me
clonazapam possibly 3 mg,
so I;'m now waiting on that, hoping it will work because my methadone tolerance is going up and my will power not to use it when i dont need it is going down,  and its not even as effective anymore the other day i took it granted it wasw an extremely busy day still had issues with feeling tense, shaking, and ended up taking 3 mg of lorazepam, which then i was fine
but since im buying all this out of pocket it ends up taking away half of what i make that day just to be calm enough to get through it

Anyways all that history might not make to much sense im not good at telling stories but anyways my main question is
after reading alot of these articles about the benzos it seems like clonazapam isn't that great for generalized anxiety  and with muscle tension, twitching trimmers, shaking at times, feeling like people judge you i often feel like im walking weird and then i think i do end up walking weird,
what would be the best benzo
from what i read it sounds like vallium might be a better choice
i just need something to whipe away my anxiety so i dont have to be a complete druggie the rest of my life

[phragkovachii]

also if anyone knows how long methadone takes to clear from your system if your taking a 10 panel test,
he already said if im taking benzos i can find he will except those showing up on the test
and another question is my blood pressure for my age is ridicolously high
its 144/81 ive read gabepentin can cause heart problems would it be the reason its so high, im a pretty fit individual and eat pretty healthy surprising i know since my history
and even when ive had it checked while on methadone which should lower it its that high