HELP please,i feel really weird...

Hey everybody!
Ive been feeling really really weird for the past 6 months...
all started with  a bad experience of psycheledics,i really regret doing it,ive been trying to live a healthy life since then,i barely drank alcohol,neither smoke cigs or anything at all
I had this really bad experience,first,i think i was in a panic like state,but it wasnt such a big deal so,i stopped worrying about it
next day,after trying that psycheledic,i woke up,everything seemed OK,something was strange though and i didnt know what,...
suddenly ,i started remembering the flashes i had last night,like,feelings of fainting,blacking out and dying,
and,i started to be really anxious,even panicked!
i thought it might be that the drug is still inside me...i bought some energy drink,drank it,aaand...i felt sooo freakin spaced out and derealized,(kind of like a dream like state) that i started worrying what if i do or something,so then i had my first panic attack...my heart was beating really fast,was hard to breath:S
so...it took me about,4-5 days,to feel OK again,like the morning after that experience with psycheledics..
but something wasnt still okay,so i told my friends,and they told me to take a few shots of pot...i was never smoking so much pot,twice or 3 times week..so i took my friends advice,and,i had a panic attack..this time it was hell ALOT worse than my previous ones...
i went through hell,when FINALLY, i could fall asleep,after 14 hours of panicking and shaking..i woke up,being,depressed and anxious,i was crying all day and wanted to end my life and i was always asking myself why me?
So then,i stopped EVERYTHING,i stopped smoking cigs,pot,alcohol,everything...even though i meet my friends at the weeked,i dont drink...but i want to sometimes....
after a week of HELL,i asked my mom to give me some medication becaose i am really gonna kill myself..so she gave me xanax,,,it was a lifesaver at THAT time..
since then ive been through many anxiety/panic attacks,but it wasnt as intense fortunetaly
now,all the time,i feel spaced out,like totally derealized,which i even felt at the mornign after taking the drug
but now its 100x more intense,i cant contantrate,pay attention,actually its  like,imagine like your brain doesnt loses oxygen time after time,i feel like my brain totally lost oxygen,i almost got hit by a car 3 days ago,i just couldnt contentrate..which makes me anxious,and being more anxious just makes me more spaced out...and derealized ofcourse....
i would really REALLY appriciate any help of you guys..i trust you ,and i really hope someone can give me some advice:)
i still didnt visit a pro,i am afraid
but i am going to,pretty soon,
thiss derealized dream like state feeling really freaks me out and makes me depressed...
btw,i found out chewing gum helps my anxiety,little bit...but this dream like state is still there
sorry for pointing out it so many times but..i cant live on like this
maybe my dopamine levels are too high or something?
i dont want to take benzos,they just calm me down,but my lost conscious feeling is still there,it just wont scare the hell out of me,if i take benzos...

PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[cj29]

Stopping the illegal drugs was a good first step in my opinion.  They are known to cause a lot of anxiety and can be down right dangerous for you.  Throughout all of this, have you had access to a therapist?  In my opinion, when anxiety starts to spiral out of control, it can become overwhelming, scary, and very confusing.  But, confronting and learning about these issues can give you long term relief from this in my experience...keep us posted!

[Travis1991]

thank you so much for replying!i am really grateful!
well i looked for some therepists phone numbers on the internet ,and i will call them probably next week,i am just not quite ready yet!
i was always known as a shy,anxious person,i am 18 now,and since i was a child,i was anxious,about every minor thing,i was afraid of about calling out in the class to read up some lines of the book,i was so afraid i was shaking,not to be me the one reading up the book
also i have really hard time meeting people i dont know,i would! i like knowing new people,but,,i also focus on,i bet i look stupid while talking and i am annoying..
which makes me more anxious and depressed

so basically i think maybe my system waited for something to trigger it?
and yes.my anxiety is the result probably i am feeling this way,at least i hope so,i dont think i have depersonlization,that wouldnt be so good...

[wondering1719]

Hi Travis,

Maybe you already do this but what helps me a lot is exercise, every day whether I want to or not, good strong sweat-and-panting exercise, like jogging or bicycling, at least 45 minutes straight and as early in the day as possible.  It helps TONS.  Let me know if you try it and it helps.

And yes, definitely try to avoid all the substances completely.  Even the energy drinks will make it worse because they get you wired and then your adrenaline rushes and off you go again.  

Wondering1719

[Travis1991]

Thank you so much for your respond!
Yes,i  am definetaly avoiding energy drinks,cigs,(not mentioning drugs,becaose i was never a drugger really) so its evident ill never do anything like that
about alcohol..first i will try to recover completely,and well see how alcohol will effect me,i wasnt ever an alcohlic,last time i was drunk,was more than a year,actually..
it would be nice if i could drink not-too much alcohol  without being anxious though=)
like once in a month,if i go to party or something,i am still young,i feel like i need it,ofcourse i have goals too,which i want to achieve.:)
thank you so much again!!hope for further anwsers!:)

[greenlydia]

Guess I'm going to be the "bad cop" in this thread.
I feel for you, Sweetie. I really do. I understand that you are very frightened. I believe strongly that you need professional help and you need it now. Your mother should have taken you to a doctor rather than give you Xanax, ESPECIALLY taking into consideration how you were feeling at the time you asked her for medication.
I would urge you to print out a copy of your post and show it to your doctor. After having a very thorough medical check up, ask your doctor to refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist who deals with young adults.
You have many issues that need to be addressed. Please get help......You don't need to feel the way you do and there are people out there who will help you get your life back. You reached out to us, which shows me you want help, now just reach a little further.
It took a lot of courage to write to us.
Take good care of yourself and know that we are always here for you.
Peace
Greenlydia
    

[Travis1991]

Hey greenlydia!thank you so much for your anwser!it shows much how much friendly you are and how much you care,which means alot!=) nowdays people dont really care about other people problems:S
yes.i will definetaly do what you said,thank you!=)

[wondering1719]

Hi Travis,

I completely agree with what Greenlydia said.  I considered saying it myself and was afraid you would blow it off, but I am so glad she had the courage to be the bad cop!  I was hoping your mom did more than give you xanax and was getting involved, but if not I'm very concerned you may not have the support at home you need.  Please do get professional medical and psychological help--then you will be assured of getting good advice even if your family isn't giving it to you.  You are young enough that if you get yourself going in the right direction now, you can avoid a lot of pain down the road.  But these types of things are so hard to fight on our own, we really need a good support system, so one of the best things you can do for yourself is insist on getting that support system.  Even if it is expensive!  It's worth it.
Take care and keep in touch,
Wondering1719

[Travis1991]

Thank your for your respond wondering!yes,and my biggest main problem i dont get enough support at home...well,lately my mom got involved,even though i told her what happened months ago,,she only just started to think about it seriously,recently..i guess better than never:S
she bought me some b vitamin complex just now,she told me it might help a bit,so i hope itll do something
anyways,other than that,all she can say is to believe really hard in god and jesus..
and i always tell her come on come with something little more racional...
i looked up for everything,serotonin,dopamine levels,maybe too much dopamine i have,with too low serotonin?that might be it,i dont know,but,i will take your advice and visit a therapist no matter how much it costs,some of the ppl say they dont have money,well currently me neither,but i am on about to get a job,so i might pay my therapists later,but i want to get involved by a proffessional,and you totally got that right
i just CANT fight it on my own,i dont even stand a shance..
even though its my brain...
thank you for your support it means alot to me!!!!!!

[crazycow]

Hello there,
Please dont worry too much about it all, maybe you could get some proffesional help but im sure there are other ways of finding help. I definately think you should go and have a physical and talk to a doctor but a psychiatrist would be very expensive and in my opinion they do not help anxiety sufferers. Ive been where you are now, taking a large amount of illegal drugs, drinking too much and just generaly not taking care of yourself. I went through hell, felt weird all the time, just really strange, depersonalization/derealisation all day every day, I went so insane that I was convinced I had an anuerysm and I went for a brain scan. That awful feeling of frustration, why me? im all alone and nobody will help. Its tough, the hardest thing ive ever been through anyway.
Heres how I got better - find a group to join!!! I joined an anxiety group and I cant even begin to tell you how much that helped me, just to meet people out there who are in the same position and a lot of them who had already recovered. Try to do some exercise, im not great at it but I do try to do yoga every week. I meditate sometimes. NO MORE DRUGS!!! Even though they might not be the problem they certainly will never help. Fill your life and mind with anything other than the strange feelings, I realise this is extremely hard but with some practice it gets easier. Try to watch a really good film or draw a picture or do some online shopping or e-mail a friend, this always helps. Breathe into a paper bag when your feeling like you cant breathe, take some vitamins, eat well and get enough sleep. Close your eyes and think about something that makes you really happy, I always think about Christmas as a child, i think about how amazing it used to feel when you wake up and find that santa had filled my stocking next to the tree, hehe.
I wont lie to you, there are some days where I feel like it might be back, but it doesnt last long and it always gets better in the end.
Hope this helps,
Please contact me if you need to,
Take care
xx

[crazycow]

oh forgot to say, try to do it without medication first. Its hard but worth it in the end, I do carry Diazipam with me incase I have a very bad panic attack, I think they just make me feel safer having them in my bag. If you do feel like you cant cope without medication then I will say that cytalopram, i think there called celexa in the US, are supposed to be very good, I have some friends who take them and they seem to be doing very well.

[Travis1991]

hey crazzy cow!thank you so much for your help,i really appricciate it!
yes i know what you mean,and its so hard not thinking about the way  ifeel:spaced out,lightheaded,sometimes dizzy,blurred vision and dream like state)and well,i am not glad but,its good to see i am not the only one suffering from this,i wish you didnt have to go through this,truly ruins my lifes quality:S
and i get so upset about little things..i feel like,i am so angry nothing can stop me,sometimes it even leads me to cry,very..disturbing....
one think it taught me though,health is more important,than anything else,once ill recover,ill value life and health ALOT more ,than before,and ill know the difference between being healthy,and anxious all the time,etc..:)

ill try to recover naturally!but isnt cytalopram for depression?
thank you again crazycrow!+and everyone else too!:)

[Travis1991]

i realized that,when i am in total darkness,i am a lil better,but when theres light..i become so frustrated and derealized/lightheaded :S
must be anxiety

[crazycow]

I know exactly what you mean about feeling better in the dark, during the day I feel a lot more strange, I even see flashes of light when its bright and lots of little dots, its so weird.
Take care xx

[leahdanielle90]

Hi, you don't know me, then again you probably don't know half the people on this page. But I came across your post when googling something. I just wanted to let you know that you have been through almost exactly the same thing as me! I had bad experiences in the past, I had an ex boyfriend that was absolutely no good for me, he was an idiot to put it bluntly, but he smoked weed on a daily basis. I started doing the same as his whole family did it and I wanted to fit in. I'd tried it before but never as strong as that, and the first time I tried it my heart started racing, almost a butterfly-like feeling but very intense. I started worrying that I was having a heart attack, but I told myself not to be silly. I am like yourself too, very shy and insecure and quite a nervous person, so I was wondering if the fact that I was in a room full of 'friends' that were more like strangers had anything to do with it. I continued to smoke weed and everytime I did I had this panicky feeling, but a couple weeks later I had my first panic attack, I was walking round the room in circles like a crazy person, crying and hyperventilating while my boyfriend was trying to calm me down. I was breathing that fast and heavy that I almost passed out, and my boyfriend said he saw my eyes roll back into my head the same time everything started to go black. But I was still conscious. After that I began to have panic attacks all the time, especially when smoking weed. I'd usually have them in social situations or when in public, and I also didn't like to be left alone, the worst time would be right before I went to sleep. I felt like what would happen if I didn't wake up? I stopped going out so much, and I too began to feel very dazed and in a dream-like state, almost like depersonalization. it felt awful and unreal. I slipped into a deep depression and also felt suicidal, but then I realized there was hope. After numerous trips to the hospital thinking I was dying when they told me there was nothing wrong with me, I knew I needed to do something about it. I went to an out-of-hours surgery where the doctor diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and panic attacks. I finally knew what was wrong with me, and began to realise I wasn't going to die. The doctor put me on a programme called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) which is like practising feeling ordinary again, you basically practice going out in public and you face your fears and ride through the panic attack. You also keep telling yourself nothing is going to happen to you. The more you think that, the more you start to believe it. I also attended counselling sessions to help unload unwanted stress as stress can also cause panic attacks. I had also quit smoking weed and smoking cigarettes aswel, although I didn't quit drinking alcohol as I found this relaxed me and I never seemed to have a panic attack when drunk. I would advise going to see a doctor and asking them about CBT and counselling, it's worth it and it really helps, and is also a good way to cure yourself without using drugs like antidepressants. I just want you to know that there IS hope out there and you will not always feel this way, you just have to fight it. I haven't had a panic attack in over a year and sometimes I am in disbelief that I ever had them in the first place. I hope I helped.