HIV Worry

[craigle]

Ok this is gonna sound soo silly

I had protected sex with my ex boyfriend (anal) 6 weeks ago.
Only lasted about 2mins as we were both drunk and it didnt feel right, he didnt *** or was no where near.And the Condom didnt break to what i could tell

i flushed it the next day and it looked like a perfectly normal used rubber to me rather than being burst etc.

I thought nothing of it as i got a HIV test 4 weeks ago which was negative, but my new partner got me paranoid thinking it could have split.

My ex who i did it with assured me that it didnt, and that the proper lube was used and that he has never ever split a condom in his life

long story short i went for ANOTHER HIV test yest (6 week period) This also came back negative, my doctor said i am working myself up for nothing as most cases are dectable at 6 weeks and the risk of getting it through protection is sooo small

so why am i worrying so much? i cant stop thinking about it and my partner now is soo over it and realised the day after he told me that he was worrying for nothing


any advice for silly old me?


PS/ i also spoke to a HIV helpline today and the lady assured me i was fine and i would have noticed if the condom is correct, is this right as i have never seen one broke

[suzi-q]

I don't know what it is, but HIV is a very big cause of anxiety for so many people even when there is low risk to no risk.  Also, I doubt your ex has HIV to begin with!!!  I once was terrified that I had HIV when I was at a very very low risk to no risk at all.  I totally freaked out about it!  Not to scare you, but this was the beginning of my anxiety and depression disorder.  I started with all these irrational thoughts like HIV, MS, Lupus, brain tumor,...you name it, I thought I had it.  However, 12 years later, I still do not have any of those diseases!  (thank goodness) and with a therapist and meds I am 99% better than I was back then.  See how your thoughts continue to go.  If you find that you are jumping from one illness and then to another, you may be suffering from health anxiety.  If not, you are just one of the many many people who have this irrational fear of HIV...if you look at the HIV sites, you will see so many people who feel like you do who also had little to no risk at all.  Best to you.

[craigle]

thank u Suzi for your kind words, i have only ever worried like this with this situation.But its really getting to me

Esp when my partner is totally fine with everything and he knows i am, i dont know why i still have the fear when i  know deep down i am. So confuessed

[SkipNBeat]

Do you feel guilty about having sex with your partner?  Do you feel guilty about having anal sex? Do you feel guilty about having sex in general? You may be punishing yourself for your sinful behavior by torturing yourself mentally and emotionally.  Or you may just have an anxiety disorder, more chemical in nature.  Or a combination of all the above.  Just a few guesses.  Hop you find your answers.

[craigle]

I do feel REALLY guilty for having sex with my ex, cos i was just about to start a new relationship with my current partner. We have moved on but the pain is still here with me.And when my partner now  mentioned my ex this is when this all started

do u think its guilt related? im never like this

[suzi-q]

Yes, with that background and you are guilty about it, it can definitley cause irrational fears.  You are punishing yourself for doing something that you feel was wrong.  You have to let it go.  You are fine and your new boyfriend is fine with it also.  Guilt will get you nowhere.  We are all human and we all make mistakes...Learn from it and move forward.

[craigle]

thank u again, u are so wise. I have just spoken to my ex again for re assurance of the inncident and has put my mind at risk that we were safe and that he always is with his partners.

I will work out letting go of the guilt.

[valashu]

anxiety is anti reason!! its good at making you think the big  "WHAT IF"!! reason man dont forget reason,you know the TRUTH!! dont give it control.i am 31 i went through the whole HIV fear thing in my early 20s,and it took control of me, and i was a mess for a long time,WHAT IF WHAT IF,dont listen to those thoughts man....

[craigle]

thanx mate , i know i am being dumb. But it slips into my head atleast once a day. so silly

[Mark TX]

I had a very severe anxiety about HIV back in the early days (late 80's) when testing was first available.  I worked myself into a frenzy and would wake up in the middle of the night in a sweat convinced I had AIDS.  Once I finally took that first test, and got a nice big negative, I can't tell you what a weight was lifted off my shoulders.  Remember, back then there were no drugs, no cocktails, and AIDS usually meant a fairly rapid death.

In the years that followed I learned to put the HIV issue in perspective.  I was fairly active during my 20's and 30's and didn't always take the proper precautions.  But I was always able to compartmentalize the HIV worry... by just making it somewhat routine.  Whether or not I'd done anything particularly risky, I'd make a point of scheduling a test once a year.  And of course I'd experience a bit of anxiety during that brief period... but I found that if I scheduled it with my BF or with a friend.. that made it seem much less scary than doing it all alone.

I'm not sure what better advice I can give you.  Try to be careful.  But knowing that sex isn't always conducive to safety, in real life, with real people, accept the fact that you will just have to set up regular tests.  And take them regularly... and try not to be consumed by them...

Good luck!

mark

[dieperdon87]

Hi........From most of the posts above I've noticed that many people who think they might have caught HIV were in 100% no risk situations and had no symptoms whatsoever....

That pretty much proves why I'm so worried and why my situation may unfortunately be more than just anxiety....

I slept with CSW's last june in China.....I used protection, although the condom partially slipped off (I do not recall having my urethra being exposed, nor not having a condom on)
A week after that (which was my first sexual experience, triggered by loneliness and sadness about being turned down by a girl I really, really liked), I started experiencing ARS like symptoms (had a sore throat, noticed a white tongue, felt kind of hot throughout those days, felt a lot of fatigue, felt muscle pain)......

Although most of the symptoms have eased off by now , I'm still tremendously worried...Additionally, I still have some muscle pain, which comes and goes once in a while.....

This whole issue has screwed my summer up.........I haven't been able to enjoy a single day ever since I first felt that soreness in my throat........I posted in medhelp's HIV forum and was repeatedly told that I had no risk and hence, whatever symptoms I might have expierenced were not HIV related......However, I still have some doubts whether the condom did stayed on throughout the intercourse..........

In any case, this whole mess has effectively screwed up my ability to enjoy sex in the future...............I'm a nerve-wreck right now and I'm planning to get tested in 3 weeks time.

Has anybody expierenced these kind of symptoms and yet turned out to be HIV -?

Reading these posts have actually fueled my fear that I may have indeed caught HIV....Nobody here had any symptoms!!!!

[jstupid]

What?!?!? read my posts...